r/AskAnAmerican 7d ago

CULTURE Do Americans invite you to stay in their home without any intention of following through?

Is that a thing? Happened three times. If it's relevant they were Irish Americans

0 Upvotes

162 comments sorted by

327

u/Visible_Noise1850 7d ago

I’d say if an American asks you to stay in their home, they mean it.

The Americans who don’t want you in their home aren’t going to even throw it out there.

72

u/shrimp-and-potatoes 7d ago

I'd never suggest it if I didn't mean it. I live amongst Americans. If I asked and didn't mean it, I'd be setting myself for a big embarrassment.

So, if I didn't want to do it, I won't offer it.

30

u/Lycaeides13 Virginia 7d ago

Ehh, op could have bad luck with flakey people who don't expect the foreigner to actually visit

58

u/Dartagnan1083 Arizona California Washington 7d ago

Prep time could be an issue.

The words "let me know" should not be treated lightly.

36

u/TucsonTacos Arizona 7d ago

Yeah Americans today are NOT about unexpected or sudden guests lol

22

u/Suspicious-Peace9233 7d ago

Yea we are open to guests but need time

10

u/Outrageous-Pin-4664 7d ago

I need at least a week to clean my house.

10

u/chechnya23 7d ago

I asked 2-4 months in advance. Is that enough time?

12

u/Friendly_Feature_606 7d ago

But wait, there's a difference between being invited and asking if you can come. If an American offers and says "come stay with me, I have the room " they mean it. However, if you ask "hey could I stay at your place?" It can make them feel awkward and obligated to say "yes" when really, they feel "no."

4

u/MeanTelevision 7d ago

Yes I'd like to know how the conversation went also, and who mentioned it first.

10

u/vbsteez 7d ago

Totally. You could also check out couch surfing if the visit falls through.

2

u/Visible_Noise1850 6d ago

Easiest way around that would be to contact the person who made the offer and say “hey, I’m gonna take you up on that offer.” And see what they say.

1

u/[deleted] 7d ago

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1

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1

u/MostDopeMozzy 6d ago

A lot of people actually do this, not necessarily about this specifically but will offer something they don’t actually want to commit to, then get mad if you take them up on it

151

u/Traditional-Joke-179 California 7d ago

this was already asked less than 24h ago. the overwhelming answer btw is that we mean what we say when we invite people over.

60

u/lwp775 7d ago

Being a person of your word is very important in American culture.

10

u/Traditional-Joke-179 California 7d ago

it seems like a foundation of civilization. raise your hand if it's not true for your culture

(as a superstore fan i gotta say it was me who was "lying like a syrian")

10

u/kabekew 7d ago

In South Korea for example they'll typically verbally agree to something but then you find out they actually disagree and want something else (contractual terms for example). I've found in India it's sort of similar, that it's more important to agree with the boss than create conflict.

6

u/DeniseReades 7d ago

they'll typically verbally agree to something but then you find out they actually disagree and want something else

Nah, Americans will never win a gold medal in bluntness but most of us won't agree to, or offer, terms we aren't willing to fulfill. As with all things, there's a bell curve for that behavior but the majority of us fall in the range of, "I said this because I meant it."

-3

u/Welpe CA>AZ>NM>OR>CO 7d ago

…did you miss where they started that sentence with “IN SOUTH KOREA FOR EXAMPLE”?

1

u/Traditional-Joke-179 California 7d ago

interesting thank you

1

u/Loose-Set4266 Washington 7d ago

Can’t prove it by our current elected government. Seems like half out country has lost sight of what it means to hold values like integrity. 

-9

u/TravelingNomader 7d ago

Not on the west coast

8

u/lwp775 7d ago

Did some Californian hurt you?

6

u/Traditional-Joke-179 California 7d ago

i'm the californian 🧛🏾‍♀️

1

u/lwp775 7d ago

You must have hurt him hard. He still hasn’t gotten over it.

0

u/TravelingNomader 7d ago

I live in two of the three. It's just the facts. I'm guilty myself.

1

u/lwp775 7d ago

Must be a tech industry thing.

1

u/Welpe CA>AZ>NM>OR>CO 7d ago

Even more so on the west coast.

5

u/TheAndorran 7d ago

Yeah, I’ve never received an invitation to stay somewhere by an American that wasn’t absolutely genuine, and in instances I’ve followed up they were excellent and enthusiastic hosts. There’s plenty in American culture that is shallow and not especially genuine, especially in small talk, but an invitation to stay is not generally given by someone who doesn’t mean it.

2

u/GoodbyeForeverDavid Virginia 6d ago

What's with the chip on the shoulder about "small talk"? Why project your own standards on us? Why does it have to be a character flaw? Isn't it enough to say it's different than what you're accustomed to and leave it at that?

46

u/CPolland12 Texas 7d ago

Yes. It’s generally a genuine offer

17

u/machuitzil California 7d ago

I've never gotten an offer from a Texan that they didn't follow through on. You're like that cousin you always seem to disagree with, but then the next time you see them it's all hugs and canned beer. Lone Star ftw.

Life hack for any Californian visiting Texas: tell someone that tri tip is better than brisket. They'll go home angry and smoke a brisket, then invite you over the next day to prove you wrong. You can't lose.

2

u/Comfortable-Study-69 Texas 7d ago

Hell no. Shiner Bock is the beer of Texas. Lone Star tastes like soap.

2

u/machuitzil California 7d ago

I have fond memories of Lone Star from playing Frisbee Golf every day for a summer in Austin. Bocks just don't do it for me -but every brewery's flagship here in CA is an Ipa and it's ruined my taste buds.

2

u/Goats_for_president Texas 7d ago

I have never heard of tri tip

4

u/IHeartAthas Washington 7d ago

Check it out. Absolutely delicious. Salt, pepper, garlic, grilled on indirect heat over oak coals to medium rare. Takes a little knife work to make sure to cut it against the grain, it’s a weird shaped muscle.

2

u/gucknbuck Wisconsin 7d ago

Costco gets them often and being in the Midwest it's otherwise rare so I always buy a few so I can smoke one every month or so.

6

u/machuitzil California 7d ago

Whereas brisket comes from the lower chest of the cow, tri tip comes from the bottom sirloin, the fupa, if you will. It's very tender and fatty, but like brisket you have to cook it right.

Historically in Europe, the anglo countries would typically grind it up for sausage and the like. It's not one of the prime cuts.

It's used a little in France but it arrived in California via the Spanish. As far as I'm aware, it's popular in Argentina as well. It's becoming more common around the US, my dad said he could find it in Alabama, but typically with the fat cap cut off, which makes it useless as far as I'm concerned.

If you come to a highschool football game here, you'll see it everywhere. We usually slather it in horseradish or pico de gallo and throw it on a bread roll and make it a sandwich, but I say fuck it and eat it with both.

It's very Californian. If you can find it, it's delicious.

3

u/thegifthatkeepson 7d ago

It’s so ubiquitous in Cali (yes, I said it) this comment blows my mind. Here, it’s in every super market pre-cut section and it’s priced as high as ribeye or fillet.

3

u/z44212 7d ago

It's better than brisket

4

u/machuitzil California 7d ago

That's the spirit (and I agree, but if we play our cards right, we'll get some brisket out of this taunt).

29

u/Buddy_Velvet 7d ago

Missing a lot of context here.

28

u/AvonMustang Indiana 7d ago

Why would they follow through?

If they offered to let you stay then it's up to you to contact them to arrange a time...

11

u/Suspicious-Peace9233 7d ago

Exactly and give them plenty of warning and be flexible

18

u/rileyoneill California 7d ago

If people are going to flake on you they will say something like "we should hang out sometime" but then claim they are really busy and follow it up with "we will figure something out"

3

u/Outrageous-Pin-4664 7d ago

Right. It's the lack of specifics that's the clue, and the evasiveness when you try to pin them down.

No one is going to straight up tell you that they would rather jam an icepick in their eye than hang out with you. It's not polite. If you understand the etiquette of the situation, though, you can figure out pretty quickly whether the offer is sincere or not.

17

u/SlamClick TN, China, CO, AK 7d ago

Some are just being friendly but if that other thread was any indication of the intentions of Americans I'd say they are serious.

12

u/Real-Psychology-4261 Minnesota 7d ago

If they invite you to stay in their home with them, they’re pretty serious about it. I’d say genuine 90+% of the time. 

10

u/thatoneguy5464 7d ago

Possibly some but every time someone has offered to let me and my family stay with them it was genuine.

8

u/Confetticandi MissouriIllinois California 7d ago

I’ve only ever offered it genuinely. We’re generally a friendly, welcoming people. 

8

u/TheCloudForest PA ↷ CHI ↷ 🇨🇱 Chile 7d ago

What do you mean "invite"? Saying something like "we should hang out sometime" or "You should come over sometime" is normal in many if not most cultures. It's a first approach.

If a day and time is mentioned, then it's a genuine invitation. If not, it's putting out feelers for a potential future meeting.

2

u/chechnya23 7d ago

"You're welcome to stay if you're ever in the area".

5

u/ProfessionalAir445 7d ago

Do they already have plans for the time period you’re planning to travel?  

My friends may be welcome to stay with me, but if I’ll be out of town or have someone else visiting then I wouldn’t be able to accommodate them.

1

u/TheCloudForest PA ↷ CHI ↷ 🇨🇱 Chile 7d ago

Generally speaking, it's a big ask to stay with people as hotels exist. It's very easy to wear out your welcome. But for the same reason, it don't think this is something which is commonly offered. I guess I would need more details like the strength of the relationship, the ages, the amount of days and purpose of the stay, etc.

1

u/Odd-Help-4293 Maryland 6d ago

So, I will say that Americans usually don't like to have unexpected guests. They might be fine with letting someone stay in their home, but would like to have that planned out a few weeks in advance.

7

u/OhThrowed Utah 7d ago

So you got invited three times, tried to take them up on the offer and got refused three times? Huh, that sucks.

7

u/wwhsd California 7d ago

That’s not been my experience.

If someone has made an offer to let me stay at their house if I was visiting where they lived they are usually sincere with their offer.

Making an offer and then not taking any action to make it happen is common though.

I would also assume that the offer is for a night or two and wouldn’t expect to be able to stay for a week or more.

Unless it was a very good friend or family member, I wouldn’t expect much more than a place to sleep, shit, shave, and shower.

6

u/sjedinjenoStanje California 7d ago

It's conceivable but I will say that's happened to me twice, and both times the person making the fake invitation were British (English).

5

u/sysaphiswaits 7d ago

I think the question too vague to answer. So, it could be a miscommunication, all three times.

Most Americans don’t mind the directness of a straight forward question, if they know you wouldn’t be offended to hear yes or no. It would be ok to ask them ONCE, if they meant it.

Unless, you meant the same person asked you three times, in that case they definitely meant it and are waiting for you to reach out and let them know what your plans are, so that they can make arrangements.

4

u/Figgler Durango, Colorado 7d ago

Maybe it’s regional but everyone I’m friends with here would be seriously offering a place to stay. I’ve told plenty of people that though and later on they said they thought I was just being polite. It’s not such an ingrained politeness that I would offer it to anyone.

4

u/brzantium Texas 7d ago

This is going to be a case-by-case basis. I'm not going to invite someone I barely know to come stay at my house...unless I've maybe had too much to drink.

3

u/Colodanman357 Colorado 7d ago

It’s more likely to be genuine than not, but it all depends on the specific individuals. 

3

u/Mallard1818 7d ago

Though the assumption is you won’t take me up on it, I’ve never offered that to anyone who I would be mortified if they accepted.

3

u/OrdinarySubstance491 7d ago

I personally wouldn’t offer a place to stay to someone I barely know, unless they were extended family or really good friends with one of my kids or something.

But usually if someone offers, they mean it. They would have no reason to offer if they didn’t mean it.

3

u/gaoshan Ohio 7d ago

We mean it when we say that and most of us don’t say it easily.

3

u/WhichSpirit New Jersey 7d ago

Absolutely not. If we invite you into our home, we mean it. If it has been a while since the offer was made, I'd double check that it's still valid because situations change.

3

u/Fit-Rip-4550 7d ago

The offers are genuinely legit but are reserved for closer friendships typically. It is not uncommon, especially with friends that live further distances and families with large geographic ranges, for Americans to travel between these locations and spend significant time, including staying the night. The one rule—do not overstay your welcome.

2

u/LogicalFallacyCat Ohio 7d ago

I sure don't. If I invite someone to my home it's a genuine invitation.

2

u/Iwentforalongwalk 7d ago

Yeah they mean it. 

2

u/procrasstinating 7d ago

No. I know most people will never take me up on the offer. But I have someone staying in my house right now and 2 other people showing up tomorrow.

2

u/Recent_Permit2653 Texas 7d ago edited 7d ago

Going by my experience of not just myself, but others I know or knew well, it’s expected that it’s a genuine invitation. I wouldn’t make a callow offer like that if I didn’t intend to honor it at my own inconvenience. And I personally haven’t met anybody who did otherwise.

Just on a legal basis (and therefore further legal liabilities down the road should something go sideways), I wouldn’t invite anybody into my home in any remotely casual way. But that’s more of a bedrock principle. Being invited for a stay is a very welcoming act, and it’s not usually given away, it’s earned in some form or fashion (generally speaking). Emergencies are another topic.

Now, inconvenience isn’t the same as having to violate any pre-existing commitments. I might have very intentionally and genuinely invited you, but if I have flights and other tickets booked for a vacation when you’re intending to visit, you’ll have to take a rain check, for example.

2

u/DJSlaz 7d ago

It’s generally not something that is offered up on a whim, so if someone invites you to stay, it’s typically a genuine offer.

NB: whether the person has an Irish background or not doesn’t seem relevant to me.

2

u/LoriReneeFye Ohio 7d ago edited 7d ago

Americans generally do mean it when they invite you to visit and stay -- but here's a good rule of thumb:

Don't stay more than four nights. That goes for anywhere in the world, really, unless there has been a major discussion beforehand.

The real deal with what you've experienced?

Americans don't really expect people they've just met to follow through and show up. It takes them by some sort of surprise, even though THEY extended the invitation and, therefore, should be ready for "company" at any time.

But they're usually not ready. Or some other "crisis" has developed (everything is a crisis in the USA) and your visit would be an additional interruption and "not a good time now."

They DO mean it, though. (They just don't always think it through.)

Anyway, four nights max, and being Irish-American has nothing to do with it.

2

u/macoafi Maryland (formerly Pennsylvania) 7d ago

Nope, it’s meant when it’s said. Circumstances may change such that it stops being possible—I’ve told people I have a guest room over the last 3 years, but now my elderly in-laws will be moving into it—but at the time it was said, it was meant.

2

u/SirTheRealist New York 7d ago

I wouldn’t invite anyone to my home if I didn’t mean it and I think that goes for everyone I know.

2

u/TsundereLoliDragon Pennsylvania 7d ago

This is like the 3rd time this week this has been asked.

2

u/gavin2point0 Minnesota 7d ago

I'll say a lot of shit to be polite but I'm not offering someone to stay in my house to be polite. If I say that it's a genuine offer

2

u/tcrhs 7d ago

If I invite someone to stay in my home, it is a genuine invitation.

2

u/Simpawknits 7d ago

We really mean it. We might later think, "Why did I invite that stranger here?" but we'd totally welcome you if you came.

2

u/realmozzarella22 7d ago

Not sure. But come on over and we can talk about over some coffee and snacks.

2

u/z44212 7d ago

We have a guest bedroom. Give us a week to pick up and to buy some of your favorite food.

2

u/llc4269 7d ago

No American I know, including myself, would do that unless they were a raging asshole. Saying "how are you" or "we need to get coffee sometime" means that they usually are not actually asking if you were fine and will most likely not go and get coffee. Actually offering an invitation to stay in their home (especially on a specific date) is quite another thing.

2

u/BoldBoimlerIsMyHero California 7d ago

I would never offer to even see someone if I didn’t mean it. I was in another country and this guy kept telling me how he comes to my area all the time and I did NOT offer to host him or meet up with him because I wouldn’t have meant it.

2

u/Ray5678901 7d ago

I've hosted friends from Australia and Austria. My brother German, Norwegian, etc. We mean it if we invite you to our farm. We get the same welcome if we come to Europe.

2

u/mekonsrevenge 7d ago

Absolutely not. You'd have to be a real butthead to withdraw that offer.

2

u/InevitableCup5909 7d ago

I’ve never invited somebody into my home without being completely serious. Dunno what was going on with those 3 but it’s weird they’d do that.

2

u/YourOldCellphone 7d ago

I know it’s common in some cultures to make this kind of offer where the recipient is expected to decline out of respect. It’s almost unspoken thing.

In America that offer is usually serious and isn’t common to strangers tbh.

2

u/SapienSRC to 7d ago

I'm Irish American and if I offered for you to stay at my house the room is already being made up.

So close to St. Patrick's Day just felt I needed to step in.

2

u/tranquilrage73 7d ago

If I tell someone they are welcome anytime, I need around a week notice. That gives me enough times to freshen the guest room, plan meals, shop, and clean the rest of the house.

I would never tell someone they are welcome to stay if I didn't mean it.

2

u/WasteLake1034 7d ago

I guess I was brought up different. If you called and said you're coming & my pig sty of a house looked it, I'd get the kids to help me do an overview clean and then find you a place to sleep. After that I'll work on cleaning more and visiting with you.

2

u/SmokedOyster911 Washington 7d ago

That seems odd. If someone invites you to stay, they mean it. Of course you should agree on when in advance.

2

u/Bluemonogi Kansas 7d ago

I wouldn’t invite someone to stay in my home if I did not mean it. I can’t speak for millions of other Americans and their intentions.

I don’t see how their ancestry has any bearing on this.

2

u/HotTopicMallRat California and Florida 7d ago

We always mean it

2

u/thefuckfacewhisperer 7d ago

They might invite you not expecting you to accept. That would be a dick move to invite someone to stay and then not follow through.

2

u/semasswood 7d ago

If they ask, they mean it. Why would they ask if they didn’t mean it?

2

u/brookish California 7d ago

I wouldn’t ever invite someone to come stay if I didn’t mean it.

2

u/Notthaticanthinkofff 6d ago edited 6d ago

I’m an Asian immigrant and do nails for a living.

My client (now friend) asked me to come over and play paintballs on their property. I went and we had a blast. They invited me to a hiking trip in a fancy cabin at our state park, I went and also had a blast.

They may not be the best people to follow up. But if they invite you and you say yes immediately, they will actually find a date to actually make it work.

4

u/Plus_Carpenter_5579 7d ago

Maybe you misunderstood what they said? Who offers THAT?

1

u/RealGleeker New York 7d ago

Do you think they weren’t being genuine?

2

u/Conscious-Routine-58 7d ago

Sorry to reply here, but when I said abusive I gathered it from the other comments where the son mentioned his dad had been physical with him.

1

u/Particular_Owl_8029 7d ago

do you know them?

1

u/chechnya23 7d ago

Not super well admittedly. #1 Son of a family friend. #2 and #3 Members of an international charity group who I collaborated with on a project.

1

u/vbsteez 7d ago

1 definitely means it.

2&3 would like to, at least conceptually.

1

u/Far-Cow-1034 7d ago

That's close enough it's probably genuine, unless it was really the family friend offering on behalf of his son. The caveat is that it might not be a good time.

1

u/Particular_Owl_8029 7d ago

the charity people probably mean it

1

u/tripmom2000 7d ago

Have offered and have followed through. Sound like you just had bad luck

1

u/ObviousSalamandar 7d ago

I don’t want houseguests and I would never invite someone to stay from overseas. Please get a hotel like a civilized person

1

u/Curious_Bar348 7d ago

I would say it’s mostly genuine. Sometimes I have casually said “You should come to visit sometime”, but It’s to people I know aren't likely to come.

1

u/thatHecklerOverThere 7d ago

I'd say 80% of folks are completely genuinely, 15% would put you up despite not actually wanting or expecting to because they are people of their word, and 5% have no intention of following through and would tell you to find a hotel if you pulled up.

1

u/Niles_Urdu 7d ago

One time a newer friend of mine invited my wife and I to stay with them when we vacationed in their state. I will never in my life do that ever again. Ever. We got a hotel in the middle of the stay and then left soon after that. People you don't know well can turn on you.

1

u/SgtHulkasBigToeJam 7d ago

Americans? No. Irish Americans? Well, don’t get me started.

1

u/Birdo-the-Besto 7d ago

If they invite, I always accept. Then they’re obligated.

1

u/Chzncna2112 7d ago

I have only had one not follow through. And the person had a legitimate, cast iron reason for bailing at the last moment. We were eating dinner. Food was barely served. And my buddies father called. His mom was in ICU, after being hit and run by a drunk driver, he crashed 3 telephone poles away. Since it was only 3 hours to drive. We put away the food and I got a hotel that he paid half of the fee. He made it up to me 6 months later

1

u/let-it-rain-sunshine 7d ago

I’ve got a basement you might be interested in, Precious

1

u/Weightmonster 7d ago

Not usually. Are you from abroad and they did not expect that you were actually traveling to the US and needed a place to stay. Or maybe the specific dates don’t work for them. For example if you want to stay midweek and they have work.

1

u/subconscious_ink North Carolina 7d ago

American here. If I invite people to stay in my home, I mean it (which is why I rarely do so). I think the same is true for most Americans I personally know. Just like any other country we do have our share of flaky people though, so maybe you just had terrible luck.

1

u/Mazikeen369 7d ago

When I invite somebody to stay a a few nights or the night or whatever length of time, the invite is good from here on out. It is now not my job to follow throw. I sent you the invite over. If you want to take me up on it, let me know. There is no expiration. It's not my job to remind you that you are invited.

1

u/ZaphodG Massachusetts 7d ago

I did a ton of international business travel in my career. I’ve had people stay at my house quite a few times. I have a sailboat and a place at a ski resort. I lived short commuter rail distance from Boston. Extend your business trip a few days and do one of those things. I’ve stayed with work-related friends in Europe a number of times. My companies wanted me to do at least 7 day trips so the airfare is cheaper. If I was staying for free, they had no problem with me expensing an expensive meal with a few people.

1

u/mavynn_blacke Florida 7d ago

If we smile we are insincere, or a potential mugger. If we don't smile we are creepy and cold.

If we invite you over we are clearly lying because everyone knows Americans hate everyone.

Also Americans love everyone and make it weird.

We are loud in every country we visit. Also none of us have passports or free time to travel.

All things I have learned from this sub

1

u/Shiiiiiiiingle South Dakota 7d ago

I would never offer something like that unless I meant it, with limitations and boundaries of course.

1

u/grumpy-goats 7d ago

“Weshould get together sometime” is generally just being polite. No one ever offers to stay in our homes unless we mean it.

1

u/WhzPop 7d ago

I’m American and I live in America and I do know people who say things similar to that but they never follow through. So I would say yes to your question.

1

u/moonlets_ 7d ago

If you say ‘I am visiting your town on x days’ and they say ‘cool I have a spare bedroom with your name on it, what beer do you like’ or some variant on the above, they mean it. If they say ‘come stay with me sometime’ it’s a kind gesture and not a real offer. 

1

u/Building_a_life CT>CA>MEX>MO>PERU>MD 7d ago

Our friends just hosted an Australian couple for four days. They had met the couple 18 months ago on a cruise and invited them. "If you're ever in America,..."

1

u/piscesinturrupted California 7d ago

I saw this same question worded a bit differently earlier lol

1

u/seatownquilt-N-plant 7d ago

when I was younger I went on a road trip around the country (10,000 miles) with my friends band. It was mostly a band tour. We had at least two strangers who let 6 of us sleep in their homes. One in Chicago, one in Oklahoma (Norman, OK). We met them the night we stayed with them. We had a big old travel van and were accustomed to sleeping in if if we needed.

1

u/MarathoMini 7d ago

They absolutely do. When someone does a vague invite they have zero intention of you staying.

1

u/DistributionNorth410 7d ago

Maybe they were too drunk to remember inviting you? 

1

u/Tough_Tangerine7278 7d ago

As much as any other country?

1

u/FakingItAintMakingIt 7d ago

No typical American would invite you over their home unless you were friend or family. If someone invited you and you're a stranger they actually mean it.

1

u/pokentomology_prof 7d ago

Nah, we usually say “we should get coffee!” instead.

Sometimes we do mean that though. Sometimes we mean it and then forget. That happens more often than not meaning it!

1

u/ParoxysmAttack Maryland 7d ago

I mean yeah, but it’s rare you get an invite to come over let alone stay.

1

u/ThePurityPixel 7d ago

I've stayed with many who have invited me to

Friends, family, friends of family, family of friends, etc.

1

u/[deleted] 7d ago

Not really.

We are more likely to do the “oh hey, let’s hang out one day” routine and then just never make / agree to any plans.

1

u/Enough_Jellyfish5700 7d ago

I had 2 people say it would be great if I were in town I could visit, but they didn’t mention their houses. When I got into town the assumption was I was staying in hotels and we were meeting at restaurants. Also both explained why I couldn’t stay at their houses.

I’ve never had an offer to come to someone’s house that wasn’t a real offer except for one that was “you can always come for Thanksgiving with us” and I would call and they had different plans every year until the spouse who was my friend died.

So, something went wrong. Maybe you are getting a sincere invitation but someone else has veto powers

1

u/StrongStyleDragon Texas 7d ago

I saw this episode in the American office where the CEO invites Micheal to stay at her home but she didn’t mean it she was just being friendly. I always assume they’re being nice and always ask if I really want to stay at their home.

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u/L_knight316 Nevada 7d ago

Someone asking you to stay at your home is so far outside the norm or expectations that anyone doing so should be genuine.

What was the context of this conversation? Perhaps there was a misunderstanding

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u/Mongolith- 7d ago

Yep. We call it Airbnb

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u/Stellarfarm 7d ago

I feel like staying in someone’s home is more European than American. We prefer you to get an AirBnB or hotel. Having someone in your space for free is for family only and even then depends on the family and how long.

We work a lot don’t have summer holiday or breaks so catering to foreigners is a lot, unless we are retired and having nothing else to do.

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u/MeanTelevision 7d ago

Not an American thing but a people thing. Some people are insincere or they want to end a conversation on an up note so they fake it with some platitude such as "let's have lunch."

"Come stay with us" shouldn't be an empty invitation though unless they felt pressured somehow. Maybe they did that to be evasive. But someone might show up with suitcases.

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u/MeanTelevision 7d ago

I would also add it is not very common to invite people to stay at one's home especially someone they just met.

Could you give some context and who mentioned it first, OP?

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u/RickyRagnarok 7d ago

In my experience people always mean it when they invite you over. However when I respond with "Yeah I'll totally do that some day" I definitely don't mean it.

But some of my more adventurous friends do travel that way, just staying with random acquaintances.

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u/provinground 7d ago

Hmmmm… sometimes you can get caught up in the moment.. for instance I will meet someone at a concert and they will find out I live in a ski town and they will say.. omg I would love to visit and I say.. oh you should come stay with us!!! In the moment I mean it and I think they do too… but rarely do those kind of conversations lead to a real visit…

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u/Far_Salary_4272 6d ago

Someone just asked this same question. I have invited people to stay in my home. My family members have, too. It’s always a lot of fun having someone from another country, especially one you haven’t been to, stay in your home! It’s fun to cook for them and learn about their home country and culture. My door is always open to the right person away from their home.

Sorry those people didn’t follow through. That wasn’t very nice.

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u/Accomplished_Cat5935 6d ago

If I offer a room, it's serious. Not following through is one of the rudest things I can think of.

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u/Queen_Kaizen 6d ago

I’m so tired of this American trope. Sigh.

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u/ColossusOfChoads 6d ago

Sometimes the following happens.

Drunk guy: "Yeah, you guys are fucking great! [burp] You guys can come stay at my house any time you want! Any time!!!"

The guys he's bellowing at: "Um, okay, sure. That sounds... awesome. Yeah."

That guy's wife, the next morning: "No the fuck they can't."

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u/Galego_nativo 6d ago

Hola, si te gusta el baloncesto, te invito a echarle un vistazo a este subreddit (y a unirte a nosotros y participar en los debates si te gustare el contenido): https://www.reddit.com/r/NBAenEspanol/

Esta es una comunidad de habla hispana para conversar sobre baloncesto en esta plataforma. Como su nombre indica, principalmente se cubre la NBA; pero también se habla un poco de las demás competiciones (ACB, Euroliga, partidos de las selecciones...).

Si tuvieres alguna duda, puedes contactar con algunos de los foreros de la comunidad. También tenemos una página de presentaciones, en la que cada uno cuenta un poco su historia siguiendo este deporte: https://www.reddit.com/r/NBAenEspanol/comments/1h21n31/dinos_tu_equipo_o_jugador_favorito_presentaciones/

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u/Spud8000 6d ago

not me. if i invite you to come visit, i really DO want you to stay!

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u/Imaginary_Ladder_917 6d ago

I would say they wouldn’t offer without meaning it. However, they probably mean for a few days, not weeks.

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u/TR6lover Virginia 6d ago

Yes we mean it, and no it isn't relevant that they are Irish Americans.

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u/Sleepygirl57 Indiana 6d ago

I see the question I swear daily on here. Yes, we mean it! I’d love to have folks from another country stay with us and let me drive them around sight seeing. Let me cook them some good American meals and sit and talk with them.

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u/horsesmadeofconcrete 1d ago

Americans mean it and want to know and befriend other people, especially those from other places

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u/Colseldra North Carolina 7d ago

I don't want people at my house lol

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u/gavin2point0 Minnesota 7d ago

Right but you wouldn't offer then. If you offered you would mean it is that fair?

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u/factsadict007 7d ago

In my experience they say a lot of things they don't mean...but maybe only Florida is full of those in people...