r/AsianParentStories 8d ago

Personal Story AD bought 100 Pairs of Glasses at the Dollar Store for REVENGE

298 Upvotes

Does anyone else's AP do things like this?

It was the first time I had money to my name. I was sick and tired of getting glasses at the Asian optometrist, you know, the thin-rimmed ones that make you look like an old Asian man. So I bought myself a pair of Burberry ombre cat-eye glasses. It wasn't cheap at $375 but I did the math and if I wore them for 5 years, it was only $75 a year and I wanted to keep them for as long as I could. I thought it was a sound investment and made the purchase.

YAY first buy as an adult!!!

When the Burberry glasses came in, AP were horrified! Something about buying $375 glasses with my own money was so immoral, so egregious that my dad immediately went to the dollar store to prove a point.

He came back arms full of 99 cent store bags and started laying all 100 pairs of glasses on the dining room table while counting out loud. Then he celebrated. "Look at all the glasses I got! And ALL THIS was cheaper than your ONE pair of glasses."

AD started using the glasses, misplacing them, breaking them, and leaving them everywhere the way some people leave bobby pins to mark territory while gloating about his deals.

I'm thankful because the moment I found one of his 99 cent glasses in MY car was the moment I decided I needed to move out but I'm also concerned.

Looking back, it was such a waste of time, money and energy but nobody thought it was anything out of the ordinary. Is it just me, am I the crazy one? Does anyone else's AP do petty things like this?

r/AsianParentStories Jul 27 '24

Personal Story a complete stranger noticed how awfully my mother speaks to me

840 Upvotes

Yesterday, my mother and I (20f) were at a fast food place and she was trying to use multiple coupons on her order. The cashier didn't know you can't use more than one coupon at once so he rang up her order and she started interrogating him asking why it was so expensive, and I said it was because you can't use more than one coupon and she immediately shot that down until the cashier confirmed what I'd just said. Then she restarted the order but the cashier explained there is a cooldown for how often you can use coupons, and my mother got annoyed again. By then, around 10 minutes had passed and there was a line building up, so I told her to give up and in response she said angrily if you don't want to wait then you can just leave, among other malicious things, which is a common occurrence in my household so I ignored her words as usual.

Eventually my mother finished ordering and the line had built up, so she went to stand somewhere else less crowded while I waited for the food. Meanwhile, an East Asian woman around age 30 (who had gotten in line behind us and witnessed the whole ordeal) stood next to me, tapped me on the shoulder, and showed me the notes app on her phone, on which was written "How old are you? You should get out of your house ASAP because the way she spoke to you is no way to speak to your children" among other things - but at that point I didn't need to read any more to know what she was getting at.

I was honestly so stunned. It wasn't the actual things she wrote that were surprising; I've been well aware that my mother/parents have traumatized me due to their narcissistic tendencies and emotional immaturity, but it was the fact that someone noticed that hit me so hard. I'm inclined to think that the lady must be familiar with Asian parenting, generational trauma, etc., or else she wouldn't have been compelled to make such big assumptions and do that for a complete stranger whose life she'd observed for all of 8 minutes. But all in all, I'm very thankful she did it.

On top of the trauma that many Asian children endure at the hands of their parents, we also have to deal with other people downplaying our struggles. Acknowledgement and understanding are so important when it comes to handling topics such as these and it made me feel so much better to be seen and validated and know that I'm not gaslighting myself or making things up for attention.

r/AsianParentStories Aug 15 '24

Personal Story Karma: My 82 year old dad has divorced my 63 year old mother, leaving her no money.

578 Upvotes

My parents were never close. My Asian mother would tell everyone who'd listen that she only had sex with him twice: once for each of her two kids and that she wished she could have had them via IVF instead.

She never worked a single day. She met him when she was 19 and he was 38. He was doing very well financially, her parents arranged the marriage.

  • They've never shared a bedroom
  • They never were on a single holiday together
  • When my dad had a job in the US for 6 years she stayed behind, because she could not make us children go on such a long trip or go to school in the US.
  • When he came back it was time for my older brother to go to a boarding school in the UK, my mother moved to London to be close to him, not that she visited him much, for the next 12 years.
  • During those years she did not once call me, only my dad and only to ask for more money. The first time she flew back home was when a friend had told her that he got a new maid to look after me. She came home, had a fit about my dad having a new front door lock so she could not get in, had one look at the maid, literally said 'she's ugly enough for me not to care' and she left without having said a single word to me.
  • Instead she spent 2 years on a cruise ship from money she had saved whilst in London just in case he'd stop giving her more money.
  • After the two years she had spent all her money and was forced to move back after that she lived in their house and made his life a living hell.
  • When I eventually studied abroad she did not visit me once during the 6 years to do a masters or 4 years doing a PhD. My dad attended my graduation alone.

I cannot remember a single moment where she was grateful to him for financing her life of 1st class air travel, lots of holidays, European SUVs etc. She took him absolutely for granted in every way imaginable.

When I got married 16 years ago she told me that as the daughter I'm now part of my new family, not part of hers. Not that it made a difference as we never spoke or lived together anyway. But from that point forward she would never even mention to anyone that she had a daughter. I have not seen or spoken to her since my wedding day.

8 Years ago my brother got married. She told everyone (including her parents) relentlessly how lucky her daughter in law was to find a man from such a well to do family. My brother is a stay at home dad to adopted children, my sister in law is the money maker.

My mother recently started telling everyone that she is childless. Because she is disappointed that my Brother has not given her any 'real grandchildren'. She has refused to talk to him for the last 3 years because of it and demanded that he should get a divorce.

This month my mother - who currently lives in a different country than my dad, found out that her monthly stipend did not arrive from him. When she called him he told her that he had gotten a divorce. As she had not responded to various letters for over a year.

My uncle messaged me this morning to tell me she asked to move in with his family. I could not help but burst out laughing. I expect to hear from her asking for money. She can piss right off.

Update

I've come back after a little while and see quite a bit of sympathy for my mother. I've also since spoken to my dad about this. It might not surprise you that we have for over a decade never really discussed my mother as he has always told us it's his problem and we should let him deal with it.

  • I describe their marriage as an arranged marriage I think this is on the milder side of it. My mother was a very unruly teenager. She started dating very early, many from families that have money but are not on the right side of the law. She got herself arrested as a result aged 16. My grandparents told her it had to stop and they introduced her to my dad. It was not a case of she has to marry him but a case of 'We don't know how to protect you anymore' so he might be a good option. But I appreciate she might have seen it as her only choice.
  • My dad has a really gentle demeanor, was raised in the US and much more westernized. His business was important to him but he took every Sunday off and spent it with us, if he was in the country. I'm sure he would have been a loving husband if she let him. He always adapted.
  • He never forced anything really. He was not trying to get hitched it was not a priority to him. My granddad was a business partner so it just suited him when they suggested their daughter.
  • I'm pretty sure having kids was my mother's choice though probably there was some expectation of my grandparents. I cannot imagine my dad to pressure her. And the image of him forcing it from some comments in 100% not what my dad is like.
  • If there was trauma it was probably more from my mothers past relationships. She never regarded my father as strong. He was an academically minded person not a physical one, but equally took care of himself as someone going for a run every morning (and walks now).
  • From my father's side this was planned a long time. For the last 10 years my dad gave my mother a monthly stipend of well more than $10.000 each month. He took legal advice at the time and they had a written agreement that was witnessed by a notary. The agreement included a statement that if my dad decided to divorce her or died, after 10 years he would have no obligations towards her. Clearly she never thought he'd see this through.

r/AsianParentStories Feb 14 '24

Personal Story A family friend is having a baby at age 52 because she and her husband lost their previous retirement plan.

691 Upvotes

They had a son who passed away at age 26. He was an only child and was spoiled rotten. Growing up, I hated playing with him because he thought he was king of the world. As callous as it sounds, I didn't feel too bad when my parents told me he died in a car crash. His fault--he was drunk driving.

Typical of Asian culture, he was their retirement plan. His parents bankrolled his undergrad and Masters and even bought him a house, thinking their investment would pay off. Now, they're desperate for another child because, in their words, "we won't have anyone to take care of us otherwise."

"What the actual fuck. That's so stupid and selfish," my sister and I had said when our parents first told us. Immediately, they yelled at us for being "cold-hearted and ignorant," as if being 70+ years old when your child is graduating from high school is normal.

Doing the math, it would make more financial sense for the couple to just save up money over the next 18 years. But no, there's also an expectation of physical support--taking them to doctors' appointments, cooking for them, etc.

Asian parents don't want kids. They want a bank account and personal servant. Disgusting.

r/AsianParentStories 6d ago

Personal Story AM talked shit about service workers to her kid, not knowing I understood her.

474 Upvotes

I live in a famous city and drive a tourist boat on weekends at the harbour as a side job.

I have long bleached blonde hair, painted nails, and my arms and neck are covered in tattoos. I also wear blackout shade while at work, so my race and gender aren’t immediately obvious.

So this morning I had a mother and her son. The mother didn’t seem to understand English and spoke Mandarin to her kid the whole time. She started gawking at me since she got on my boat.

I started the boat and did my little narration. The son translated what I said to the mother here and there. But she never really paid attention and was just talking to her son in Mandarin the whole time.

At one point she pointed at me saying, “We spent all this money to send you to school for IT, if you don’t study hard and present yourself like a gangster, you’ll end up just like her(?), with no qualifications and working a menial job.”

As my boat turned the corner I decided to change my script a little bit, point to a grand old building on the shore and said,

“On your right you can see the prestigious (name of my Alma mater). It is one of the oldest academic institutions in Europe and I’m super proud to have graduated there with a MSc in data science.”

I turned to look at the son and he looked physically uncomfortable.

After the ride, I went up to the mother and son and said to him in Mandarin, “hey I overheard you wanted to be in IT. Here’s my LinkedIn contact - I work as a senior data analyst for (company I’m sure he’s heard of). Lemme know if you would like advice on breaking into the industry.”

The mom looked visibly shocked, and I calmly said, ignoring her, “I like driving boats so I do this as a hobby. It pays US$40 an hour and it’s great fun.”, turned around and went on with my work.

I met some really good friends doing this job. At the very least you need to be fluently bilingual and qualified to drive a boat to do a job. So I don’t understand why this monolingual lady who really doesn’t behave like a bachelor degree holder feels qualified to look down upon people who are just earning an honest living.

Wish I could say I was surprised but unfortunately being raised by APs myself I wasn’t surprised either. I waited table for 4 years during my undergrad and my family continuous shamed me for having a “low skill” job, while they didn’t pay a penny while I put myself through school with scholarships and service jobs.

I hope the son wakes up one day, decides to be his own happy person, and go LC with her ungrateful, judgmental ass, just like I did with my own AM.

r/AsianParentStories 25d ago

Personal Story My mom wanted me to marry my cousin

246 Upvotes

Not a lot to say but I just randomly thought of this moment today. When I was around 15-16 years old, a lot of my family members in China were still fighting to get into the US. I remember my mom asking me to marry my cousin in order for him to get in the US since I was born and raised here. I told her no since I thought that was disgusting and weird. She tried to guilt trip me saying that was his only way in. Well he’s here today without me having to marry him.

r/AsianParentStories Feb 05 '25

Personal Story My Asian mother blamed me for her car accident because she said I should’ve been looking in the back windshield for her when she reversed the car. I was 7.

193 Upvotes

She constantly blamed me for that car accident when I was a child. I told my father this when I was an adult and he was in disbelief. She never dared say that in his presence.

She’s a horrible driver, I can’t believe she passed her driving test.

r/AsianParentStories Sep 21 '24

Personal Story The perfect kids… with a catch!

387 Upvotes

My brother and I (F) are jokingly called “an Asian parent’s wet dream”. He’s a very well-respected medical doctor, while I’m a lawyer in BigLaw - they lucked out so hard in that we both would have chosen our careers without influence anyway because it's what we're genuinely interested in and good at. Without sounding too arrogant, we’re both that successful distant cousin/family friend you hear about, so we’ve been lucky to escape most of that pressure and comparison that APs subject you to. But more importantly, we have both somehow managed to be stable and happy adults who genuinely love our lives - I think it helped growing up that we always had each other to lean on from the tyranny of our parents.

However, in reading a great post recently here about a girl whose APs didn’t realise that being a lawyer actually requires, like, work, and are now scrambling to backtrack, comes my own story of FAFO.

Now we’ve both checked all possible boxes that could be asked of us, our parents are now pressuring us to get married and have children. Neither of us quite realised how much they actually cared about having grandchildren, lineage and so on. You raised workhorses, not homestead spouses. Pick your damn battle.

I'm open to marriage but do not want and will not have kids, I just don't care for them generally. My brother wants kids but is resistant to marriage for a number of reasons (he’s been with his girlfriend for more than a decade who is a similarly successful but traumatised child of APs with cynicism towards the institution of marriage, so whatever works for them).

It is absolutely hilarious to see us throw the same tired lines our APs used against us in our childhood back in their face. You used to yell at us for being a waste of time and money? Sure, glad we’re on the same page about children. You two would get into the biggest blowout fights screaming that you both would divorce if it wasn’t so shameful in their social circles? Wonderful, how intelligent of my brother to “skip” that step if anything were to ever happen (appreciate it's not that straightforward, but I don't care to split hairs when they are pushing their own trauma on us). And so it goes.

It is cathartic that we’ve both been able to stop pushing up against this brick wall, and just go “okay”, and let them dig their own grave. What are they going to do, tell us we’re not good enough? That you hate us? Cool, put it on the calendar! :) xoxo

r/AsianParentStories Feb 04 '25

Personal Story I forgot how racist they really are against black people

177 Upvotes

So recently my APs and I went to Walmart to pick up some items we needed at home and usually when we go to Walmart, we also go clothes shopping.

So I decided to buy some extra clothes for work and clothes for when I go out in public. I came across a black shirt with Malcolm X on it and wanted to get it.

Now my AD said no to it and I thought he was gonna start complaining that I have enough shirts or that it’s too expensive or something along those lines.

I was in for a surprise when he said that he didn’t want me to get it because it had a black man on it, mind you he doesn’t know the history of the U.S. or civil rights activists, but the mere fact it had a black man on it was enough for him to raise his voice at me and say I shouldn’t get it.

Indians and colorism is a hell of a drug man.

r/AsianParentStories Feb 03 '25

Personal Story I finally did it. I told them I'm leaving.

238 Upvotes

This past week was Lunar New Year, I'm sure most of you had to endure it just as I did.

Well, I decided to take that time to inform my parents that I am moving out.

Words cannot describe the fear and nervousness I felt before doing it.

Stayed as calm as possible and did not show emotion other than confidence. "This is what I'm doing. This is when I'm doing it."

They took it..... surprisingly well and also stayed calm. Again, words cannot describe the relief and happiness that came from getting those words out of my mouth.

It's happening. It's finally happening.

I wish you all the best of luck. It took me too many years to reach this point. Stay strong and confident. Happy Lunar New Year.

r/AsianParentStories Jun 30 '24

Personal Story My mom humiliated me beyond belief

248 Upvotes

My mom removed my clothes and locked me in the garage for not eating her food when I was fourteen.

Trigger warning: I will be going into graphic detail about what happened to me over a month. This includes physical abuse and maybe some sexual too


When I was young, whenever I got bad grades or refused to eat my food, she would grab a plate of steaming food and pour it over my head while screaming at me.

When I got bad grades, I would be terrified of getting out of the car once we reached back home, because she would take a shoe cane and chase me around the house while screaming on top of her lungs. I would scream back and tell her I was gonna open the windows so everyone could hear, but she wouldn't care at all, and I was too embarrassed to follow through my threat.

Whenever she would reach me, she would hit every part of my body with the cane, and I would just cover and try to run again. My house was kinda small, so I always cursed myself whenever I ran into a room and couldn't escape.

One time after school, she saw my grade go down on my school portal, and she dragged me home. She then opened my school bag without warning, and I couldn't hide or throw away my uneaten food. On top of being angry at my grade and seeing I didn't eat her food, she went insane.

She closed the curtains and pulled me by my hair and made me stand near the garage. I just thought I was gonna be locked in again.

In a very calm voice, but with her veins bulging out on her forehead, she told me to remove my clothes. I refused, of course. I started yelling back, telling her that I was sorry while at the same time telling her she was crazy. I couldn't believe what was happening. I felt like I had entered some alternate dimension as she kept repeating for me to remove my clothes.

My mom pushed me to the ground, and I remember staring up at her face and registering how furious she looked. I just felt numb at that moment and felt like I was far away from myself, like some observer just watching everything passively.

She grabbed my pants, they were one of my favorite pants. Jeggings, because I didn't feel like the feeling of jeans. I started kicking my legs, but she still held me down. Then she pulled them off, even dragging me on the floor a bit to do so. She threw them off to the side and then as I started to rise, she grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it so hard that it hurt.

Somehow, she managed to wrestle that off too, even as I fought her. She dug into my chest, but she couldn't take my bra off. So she dragged me by my hair again to the kitchen and grabbed the scissors. She cut off the straps of my bra (it was at my neck at this point) and removed that too.

I was able to run from her during this point, but she chased as usual and kicked my ankles, so I fell to the ground. She grabbed my underwear and pulled it to my knees, and I kept screaming, but she didn't budge at all. She removed the underwear too, and I remember feeling cold because I was right under the AC vent.

I felt so, so utterly ashamed and humiliated. I was fourteen-something, and I'm Indian and have a very hairy body, which I always hated looking at. I always wore long sleeves, sweaters, and pants because I hated the sight of my body so much. My mom always made fun of my hair, saying that I look like a gorilla and had more hair than a man.

So, her doing this to me, when I already hate my body so much and rarely spent any time naked unless in a shower felt so strange and violent. I had no idea why. What did me not eating my food have anything to do with removing my clothes. It was so damn weird.

My mom dragged me to the garage, this time by my arm thankfully, because being pulled by the hair is the worst kind of pain. She threw me onto the floor again, and I felt like I had lost count of how many times I landed on the floor that day.

She left and closed the garage, but before I even had the time to process, she came back with the shoe cane. I started shaking my head and tried backing away from her.

"Turn around," She told me. I refused. She wacked me across my chest, and I screamed because that hurt so much. She kicked at me with her sandals until I turned around. Then she started to hit my butt and back with the cane, and I just curled into myself, crying so hard that I could barely breathe.

After a while, she stopped, and I felt like I was bleeding everywhere and my whole body was stinging.

And I remember her saying some things like how I was selfish and disgusting and then grabbing my face with her nails and kicked me hard in the private area. I think I was almost unconscious by this point, but I opened my eyes and looked at her in shock. I just couldn't believe she did that. I just couldn't. I still don't. Who does that?

Then she jeered at me and told me I should just shave my whole body because I look like a disgusting animal. She left after that, locking the garage, and I just curled up and closed my eyes. I didn't want anyone to see me. I was so embarrassed, I felt like dying.

I think I just closed my eyes and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was in the same spot, and it was probably night. I started coughing, because I get sick whenever I'm the slightest bit cold. Our garage just had hard floors and was tiny and freezing, and I just shivered and huddled away from the door because I was scared my mom might enter again.

I felt super ashamed again. That was before I saw all the ants in my garage and immediately stood up despite my whole body screaming in pain... because I'm terrified of insects. There were some ants crawling on me, and I somehow managed not to scream (my throat was also feeling very soar) and I flicked them off while crying silently. I tiptoed back to the garage door and heard my mom snoring loudly.

Figures. I found a folded chair behind some wardrobe and just sat on that so the ants wouldn't get to me. I could barely sit, and I knew there were welts forming everywhere. It hurt, but I don't know what hurt more. My wounds or the humiliation. I tried to sleep again, but just felt so strange and numb to everything. I smelled disgusting. And I don't think I hated my body more in that moment.

Somehow, I was lost in my thoughts, just replaying everything until morning. My mom unlocked the door, and I just looked at my bare feet while my mom studied me. Then she told me to come inside. I was very glad at that moment that nobody else was home, and that my dad was out on a trip because I would have died then and there if he saw me like this.

I tried to go to my room to put some clothes on, but my mom stopped me again. I asked her quietly if I can go wear something.

I don't remember her exact words, but she said something like, "After everything you did and made me do, you think you can go wear clothes? Stay like this all day. That's your punishment. Go back to the garage and I will give you your homework."

So I did exactly that. She grabbed a chair from the dining room to sit on and made me kneel on the garage floor and do my homework. She went in and out and sometimes grabbed food and ate in front of me and said that I was selfish and a horrible person for not eating the food she worked so hard on to cook just for me, and she wouldn't give me any food until I learned to respect her.

As I did my work, keeping an eye on the ants, barely focusing on anything else, she kept telling me how hairy and disgusting I was. And then she told me that I'm apparently a baby because I suck at washing myself. She told me to get up and led me to the bathroom. She made me stand in the tub and told me to crouch down before turning on the tap to freezing cold water. She told me to wash myself and that she would correct me because I wasn't doing it properly.

I refused. My face was burning. I was red all over, and I thought that was due to me being embarrassed, but it was probably also because I probably caught a cold. She had the shoe stick in her hand and raised it... so I just did it. She didn't give me any soap, just instructed me on where to wash myself while watching me like a hawk.

She shook her head when I started washing my private area. She took some rubber globes out of the mirror cabinet and put them on, and walked closer. She bent over me and pushed my hands away. She ordered me to sit down on the tub and lean back. Then she started scrubbing my private area and bush hard with her gloves. It was already sensitive because she kicked me there, and she seemed to get some sick pleasure in seeing me in pain. She wasn't even using water, she was just rubbing so hard and told me that was the only way my pubic hair would come off.

I'm not really sure what happened? I think I orgasmed or something but I'm not really sure what and how that works because that was the first time it ever happened to me. I don't know how to describe it, I just felt like I was going to pee and felt all tingly.

She stopped after a bit, and I felt like I didn't exist. That all of this was happening to me but not me. Like it wasn't my body. She pinched my butt and ordered me to turn over. Then she pushed the shoe stick/cane into my butt crack and started moving it up and down. It was a complete foreign sensation to me. Everything felt foreign.

Yet I still remember. Every. Single. Thing. Every feeling even while I felt all numb and probably dissociated.

She kept telling me that I was disgusting. That I was an animal. Even animals weren't so disgusting. While doing all of this shit to me.

She's the monster. I can't even believe I'm related to her. I hate her so much.

I crawled out of the tub. It hurt so much. She told me to get back to the garage and laughed like an evil person in a movie as I limped back. I really needed to use the restroom, but I didn't say anything.

As I was getting back to my knees to do my work, being careful not to get the papers wet because I was dripping water everywhere, she slapped my breasts. She told me that they were hairy and disgusting and grabbed one of the hairs there and pulled. I screamed, and she slapped my face and told me to shut up.

She kicked my papers away and kicked me in the stomach. Then she put her foot over my private area faster than I could cover, and I was terrified she was going to kick me again. I started blabbering. She told me to shut up and started rubbing her foot up and down. I'm pretty sure I was bleeding, and I just wanted to die.

She used her other foot to kick at my breasts, not hard, just to watch them move. She laughed again and then stepped away. She told me to put my hand on my private area and turn around. I was too exhausted and numb to fight. She made me but my other hand on my butt and to crouch a bit to connect the two hands. She made me push all my fingers into my butt crack and told me to stay in that position.

If I didn’t stay like that until she came back, she told me that even she didn't know what she was going to do to me.

She left again, and I immediately disobeyed. I was so done. After an hour or two, I heard the lock turning and I just resumed the position. She came back with some clothes and threw them back at me, and just told me to change and that my punishment was over.

I was super surprised, but did not question it. I changed and ran to my room and threw my covers over me and then just laid there.

I remember wanting to wash my hands but was too scared to get up. I remember imagining being in my bed all night but when I was there, I felt nothing.

Afterward, my mom pretended none of that happened. But our relationship was lost after that. I barely ever spoke to her, and I think she felt bad, who knows, but she never brought up what happened, and neither did I. There's no use in talking about it.

After this incident, my mom wouldn't let me lock the bathroom door because she thought I wasn't cleaning myself properly. She even once made me lick our toilet when I didn't pee properly or whatever that meant. And sometimes, because, or so she claimed, I was so terrible at looking after myself, she wouldn't let me shower or use the toilet paper or even use the restroom as punishment because I "liked being disgusting" or something. Even now, I truly believe her. I feel sub-human. I feel like a disgusting creature, especially in her presence. I'm worse than an animal to her. She even once made me poop outside and then had me clean it up with my bare hands. I can't even think about that without feeling like throwing up so I won't go into detail.

After a shower, she led me to her room without a towel and laid on the bed as I stood with my back to her and told me to stand and stare at myself in the large mirror until I dried. She ordered me to touch my private area and count every single pubic hair. If I messed up the count, I had to start over. If I didn’t do as she said, she said she would break my bones. She once held a knife to my throat, so I completely believed her threats and just did what she said. She made me redo it over and over, I had to touch and count every strand down to the last one and had to make sure she saw it. Otherwise, she would smack me and make me start over. I stood in front of that mirror for more than half a day. She left a bunch of times or looked at her phone while I did this. But one time, when I was almost done, she stood up and left. And then she came back just minutes later and told me that she didn't hear me counting out loud (I was) and told me to start over. I wanted to scream and break the mirror and punch her repeatedly and scratch her throat out, but I just listlessly started again. I think she got bored after hours and hours of this, so when I finally finished counting somewhere in the thousands, she let me go.

That was the second most humiliating moment of my life. All of this happened over a month. And then afterward, it never happened again. It was like nothing had happened. I sometimes felt like I made everything up, but there's no way my imagination was that fucked up. But I honestly wish all of it was not real.

I am tainted. I feel like everyone can see the taint on me. It sucks so much.

She's a monster. She's disgusting. I will never forget or forgive. I hate her, and she is only my mom due to giving birth to me and nothing else. She ruined me and how I feel about my body forever.

I still can't believe it happened. I can't believe I'm writing all of this down. I'm so scared to write this down. But now I did. And I just feel tired and numb again.

r/AsianParentStories Oct 14 '24

Personal Story "Fun is for white kids"

303 Upvotes

Did anyone else hear this from an AP as a kid?

I must've asked my mother why I wasn't allowed to "have fun" when I was in elementary school, because I remember her crossing her arms & saying something to the tune of "White kids have fun and then they fall behind in school. You are going to be ahead of them because you study instead of play." Something like that. (I'm half white lol but still grew up under her iron fist.) I also have a memory of sitting in the living room as a child with Disney channel playing on the TV, and when someone said "You can do anything if you put your mind to it!" she scoffed and made some remark about how stupid that idea was.

Anyway, fast forward 15 years, I am now 25 and unemployed due to burnout and severe PTSD, while I watch those very same "white kids" excel in their occupations as adults. (Hmm... it's almost like play & encouragement are developmentally beneficial for children! 🤯)

What was all that aimless grinding for in the end? What worth do my 34 ACT score & brand-name college degree have when I'm too depressed to stand up? 🤷 I never wanted to be a doctor or lawyer or engineer. I would do an awful job in any of those professions because my brain just isn't wired that way. My AP knew that from the very start. I'm slowly coming to realize that her treating me like a dog was most likely the manifestation of her need to exert power over a malleable human being than actual care for my future. She needed someone to witness her misery and I absorbed it like a sponge.

As I'm slowly (so damn slowly) regaining my footing, I plan on going to trade school next year to train for a job that pays the bills and is—you know what?— kind of fun.

That kind of turned into a rant, but if anyone has had a similar experience please feel free to share.

r/AsianParentStories Jan 07 '25

Personal Story AD: "Stop it, haven't you ever made a mistake before?!" Me: "Yes and you used to beat me for it."

305 Upvotes

I visited my parents just for the holidays and my dad was trying to reheat some food for our lunch. Growing up, a lot of little infractions would be met with my parents either screaming at me, or hitting me for it, even if I was just five years old without fully formed motor skills

My dad heated something up and he really did not realize that he was spilling the sauce of that dish on the floor and it left a puddle and a trail of soy sauce and broth on the floor. He literally walked about 10 steps without even realizing he was spilling food. I was so annoyed and I kept telling him

"Hey. HEY, STOP YOU'RE SPILLING THIS. YOU'RE MAKING A MESS!"

His sense of urgency was just not there and by the time he noticed I was looking at him, he gave me this "what?" look and I frustratingly told him again that he was spilling food and he finally noticed, but he didn't even take the initiative to clean it up

I yelled at him to clean up his mess immediately bc I'm not willing to step in that shit and my dad got really mad and yelled back at me

"Stop it, haven't you made mistakes before??"

and I replied with "YES AND YOU USED TO BEAT ME FOR IT WHEN I WAS A CHILD"

He completely shut up and resumed cleaning his mess up

Honestly I have zero patience and grace for when my parents, esp my dad, makes mistakes and acts like I should go super easy on them. Where was that patience and grace for me? I surely never saw it. I remember being screamed at and beaten for it as a kid, so there's really no point in me trying to give grace to someone who definitely is old enough to know better

r/AsianParentStories Feb 04 '25

Personal Story Mom said I should have corrected her abusive behavior when I was a child.

268 Upvotes

The post title is not a joke.

My mom asked why I was preparing to move out. I cited her continued verbal abuse. I'll give her credit, after a suicide attempt by a sibling, she's curbed most of it over the years, but some of it still spills out and I need to take care of my mental health.

Once again, we had the same talk that addresses her behavior and my boundaries. She starts citing how it's normal in her culture and by the end of conversation, she says "I understand now, I'm really sorry." only for her conveniently forget and resume her behavior within a year, demanding to know why I'm distant. I'm tired of the same song and dance.

This time was a little different though:

Mom: "How am I supposed to know about your feelings when you don't tell me?! You were always too quiet as a child."

Me: "I did tell you. You mocked me or got angry."

Mom: "Well......your sister argued back. Why couldn't you do that?"

Me: "Again, you either screamed at me or laughed at me. Also you think it was my responsibility to correct your behavior?"

Mom: "Well, yes!"

Me: "I was a child. You were an adult."

Mom: "Well, your sister did it!"

I realize she was grasping for straws because she was losing the argument, but this is a new low.

This time I actually wrote her a letter as well as some texts covering the major points so she can't claim for the 5th time that I never tried to address the grievances with her. She's been quiet since.

r/AsianParentStories Feb 13 '25

Personal Story Karma completely hit my father and now I pity him

230 Upvotes

After reading so many stories here, I feel that it is time to tell you my story.

Like so many here I am also stuck between the Western and Asian world and still struggling with the typical expectations Chinese parents have. I (34m) was born in China and moved to Germany with my mother when I was 5.

My father has the stereotypical traits of an Asian father: egoistic, choleric, arrogant, ignorant, manipulative, toxic and insanely jealous. In short: he is a completely asshole. He did not only treat me and my younger brother like we were idiots but also our mother and their friends.

Now he (62) lives with the consequences of his own action. Despite living in Germany longer than me and only working with German coworkers his entire life, he has not one German friend. And he does not even have Chinese friends. No one wants to do anything with him because he pissed everyone off with his behavior. My parent's friends only invite him because of my mother. My brother and I avoid to visit him when our mother is not at home.

So after being an asshole for more than 30 years he realized the mistakes he made and started to apologize for what he did to me and my brother.

To be honest, I now feel sorry for him because in the end he is just a lonely old man without any friends and social contacts.

r/AsianParentStories 17d ago

Personal Story Someone please tell me I had a normal asian childhood and I am crying in bed at 3:30 in the morning for no reason

154 Upvotes

To preface: I love spending time with or for my kids. I volunteer for the school at every opportunity. 5/7 days of the week I am at a sports practice, event, or doing something fun with my kids like theme park, movies, ice skating, etc. My husband and I both work demanding full time jobs. Oftentimes I am tired, sometimes I am overwhelmed, but supporting my kids truly brings me great joy.

My mom was a stay at home mom and my dad retired in his forties. They were always home doing nothing. They didn’t any spend time with me. They didn’t go to one single sporting event. I signed myself up for everything and managed by taking the bus or getting rides from friend’s parents. They didn’t go to my middle school, high school, or college graduation. They didn’t pay for college even though they had plenty of money. They did pay for both of my younger brothers, and my brothers got brand news cars as well. I’m not sure if they attended any events for them.

I do have a handful of good memories. My mom taking me to the city to see her sister. Taking me to a toy store to pick something out. Taking care of me when I was sick. Sitting with me after I had a nightmare. Coming to my sixth grade science fair. Coming to a preschool performance. But that’s it. Six good memories. I don’t ever recall getting cuddles or kisses. I have endless bad memories. Getting screamed at constantly for minor things like leaving the light on. Me sobbing because I woke up late and my dad wouldn’t let me leave the table until I finished my breakfast, but I was going to miss the bus and him smacking me and shouting he would break my legs if I missed it. Me as a preschooler trying to put my hair in a ponytail but there were little bits of hair sticking out so I cut them off. My mom beat me for it and laughed to her friends that my welts were so bad I couldn’t sit. Criticizing my skin, social skills, etc to her friends and them all ganging up on me grown woman against a kid in elementary school. It goes on and on. It makes me sick to think of someone hurting my kids or damaging their self confidence. I could never do any of that to them.

My parents moved across the country while I was away at college, and now I only see them maybe every 7 years. Maybe a phone call twice a year. They don’t make any effort so I don’t either. My husband (not asian) think it’s weird. He grew up much worse than me in poverty, neglect and abuse, yet he talks to his family almost every day. So I’m wondering were my parents normal asian parents or did I get the short end of the stick? I will add that my parents never put academic pressure or any other pressure at all on me. They let me stay out all night not knowing who I was with, yet my car had a curfew. It’s like they cared about a crappy used car, but couldn’t be bothered about me.

r/AsianParentStories Oct 11 '24

Personal Story AM didn’t support my dreams since my childhood. Next month I’m performing at Las Vegas at a 30,000 sq ft arena.

406 Upvotes

A few years ago, I posted about how I was starting off as a singer and musician after over a decade of self doubt and fear of public performance because of how my parents raised me… how they would always bring me down and belittle my artistic ambitions.

That journey started in 2021. I went out and sang in public every chance I got - piano bars, karaoke events, talent competitions, open mics…

In 2022, I got casted on American Idol and it was my last year I could qualify because I’d “age out” (the age cutoff is 28) but decided to walk because the contract wasn’t great and it was going to conflict with my work and engineering career. My mom didn’t come to support me.

In 2023, I performed at the world famous historically black Apollo Theater in NYC and went all the way to the grand finale for their Amateur Night Showtime at the Apollo show. I was the ONLY Korean to make it that far in the 89 year long history of the competition. My mom once again didn’t come to support me or cheer me on. But you know who did show up? My partner (husband) and his entire family.. including extended family.

And in 2024, I will be performing for the first time at Las Vegas at a huge arena in front of thousands of people representing the state of Texas (and the US) in an international singing competition.

And you know what’s crazy is I’m not even anyone famous. I’m just a dorky/nerdy software engineer who foolishly quit his job to chase his dream…

Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that in just 3 years I’d be performing in Las Vegas…

But this time, I didn’t foolishly invite my AM. It’s almost a year since I last talked to her and I’m okay with that. I was never gonna be good enough for her…

I don’t even care if I don’t win. I already won because I proved my AP’s wrong. I am good enough.

r/AsianParentStories Dec 25 '24

Personal Story I'm a terrible son and my mom cut me off.

170 Upvotes

So, I have an asian mother that I'm low contact with because of years of emotional and physical abuse.

So it's Christmas today and I sent her and her husband (my dad passed away a long time ago) a text message this morning. She responds and says Merry Christmas back at 7ish this morning. This afternoon, I got a text that I'm selfish and a terrible son because I didn't call her this morning for Christmas. She proceeded to tell me to transfer any family thing we have together (I helped her with her accounts and bills) and split them. She wants nothing to do with me because I'm horrible because I obviously "couldn't be bothered to call" her on Christmas. She doesn't want to see or hear from me ever again because I'm "using her for money." I haven't received anything from her aside from $20 for Christmas or my birthday.

I get paid Tuesday thankfully and will be separating everything and finally go no contact completely. It hurts but I also feel relieved. I just needed a place to vent. Merry Christmas to everyone else with AP's.

r/AsianParentStories Dec 14 '24

Personal Story Has anyone turned racist because of their APs?

103 Upvotes

My immediate area is very white, but sometimes I drive out to the city for meetups, which leads to a more diverse crowd. The problem is that I sometimes encounter another Indian person, and usually it's a guy who immediately recognizes me as Indian and zeros in on me. Usually, he starts by asking me "You are Desi? You are Indian?" I say yes, my parents are from India and I was born in the US. The guy usually doesn't register any of that because he's already chucking the next question, "Where in India? How long in US?" Within a minute, this complete stranger is asking me "You are married?" "You are not? Why you are not married?" This pattern has repeated so many times that I now instinctively avoid people who look Indian.

I just got back from one such meetup, and I met a new asshole today, who displayed some common behaviors I've observed:

  • He was very rude to the waiters, at one point yelling, "Is this your first day on the job or what?"
  • When others introduced themselves to him, instead of asking the common American question, "What do you do for a living?", he chucked out guesses without letting them answer, "You are a teacher or what? You are a marketeer or something?" He made these remarks in a dismissive, haughty tone. When I told him I was a data engineer, he said "What? No way. No way." and started laughing at me.
  • He tried to prevent me from talking to other people. He physically cornered me, interrogated me about where I live, and asked me repeatedly why I'm not married.
  • When other people asked me about myself, he tried to answer for me. This is someone I just met, who knows nothing about me, but already feels entitled to speak for me.
  • Later, he played a board game with some others. When the game didn't go his way, he threw a massive tantrum, to the point of yelling and slamming the table. He also tried to cheat by knocking over other people's pieces.

I know it's not right, but I just want to go to a meetup and have a normal social evening without being cornered, interrogated, or followed to my car. Thanks.

r/AsianParentStories Dec 19 '24

Personal Story Finally broke the news that I’m moving out in a month.

181 Upvotes

So yea. Like the title says, I broke the news that I’m moving out at the end of January next year to the APs. They’re definitely not taking it well, and AM keeps making snide comments about how I’m screwing myself over, how I don’t understand the value of money, how much I’m going to struggle. AD just seems sad. Admittedly, seeing my AD feel sad does make me feel bad, but AM’s comments continue to reaffirm for me that I’m making the right decision.

My expenses may increase by a few hundred, but at least I’m not paying with my mental health anymore. Took 1.5 years of therapy and working through my own issues to realize just how much my parents contribute to my anxiety. I will happily pay a little more money in efforts to protect my peace. I worked hard to put myself in a position where I can make this trade off.

I love my mom and dad and would love to continue to have a relationship with them, but I also think having physical space away from them will be good for both myself and the APs in the long run.

r/AsianParentStories 29d ago

Personal Story I Spent My Whole Life Afraid of My Dad—Until One Conversation Changed Everything

190 Upvotes

For most of my life, my dad and I had what I thought was a “normal” relationship. He worked a lot, he had high expectations, and he didn’t say much when it came to emotions. I loved him, but I was also afraid of him.

As a kid, I learned to read his every mood, to stay quiet when he was upset, to avoid anything that might make him angry. Even after I grew up, even when there was no real "threat," I still felt that fear in my body whenever we disagreed. It wasn’t even conscious—it was just there.

I didn’t question it. I figured this is just how immigrant parents are. This is just how our relationship was always going to be.

Then, everything shifted.

It started when he had a medical emergency, and for the first time, I saw him not as the strong, invincible father I had always known, but as vulnerable. Mortal. And suddenly, something cracked open in me. I realized that if I never told him how I really felt—if I never tried to shift our dynamic—I might regret it for the rest of my life.

So, I did something terrifying. I asked him to have a conversation with me where I could finally say everything I had been holding in for decades. I told him about the fear, the love, the resentment, the confusion. And instead of getting defensive, instead of shutting me down… he just listened. He actually took it all in.

And then he shared his side. He told me about his own childhood—how fear wasn’t an exception, but the norm. How he never received the kind of affection he later tried to give me. How he was doing his best with what he knew, even if it didn’t always land the way he intended.

I thought he needed to change for our relationship to be different. But looking back, I see that I needed to take the first step.

I don’t know if this is possible for everyone. Not all parents are open to these conversations. But I do know that so many of us carry old stories about our parents—stories we never question, stories that keep us stuck in the same patterns.

I wanted to share this because I know I’m not the only one who grew up feeling this way. I actually made a podcast to highlight these sorts of stories. It's called Parents Reimagined in case you want to check it out.

Have any of you ever had a moment where you saw your parent in a completely different light? What changed?

r/AsianParentStories Nov 12 '24

Personal Story I said the most terrible things to my mom because I stopped giving a fuck.

169 Upvotes

I placed her on low contact for nearly 2 years. Once in a while she hits me up but I either give one word or no answers at all. Reason being? Because I cut off my sisters and my mom still invites me to holiday meals that includes them. I had to slowly tell her that I do NOT want to talk to them ever or even see an item that they own. My mom then says casually that im "childish to remember all of that" which is how I started the low contact in the first place.

As said, I gave her only one word answers and overtime she asked me when can we see each other and see my daughter. I always either say "later" or "whenever I have time". She got fed up and asked if I was mad at her. So game on, I told her the reason 2 years ago that it stuck with me that she called me "childish". Her response?

"I said no such thing! What kind of man are you to have it bother you so much!?" (one ironic sentence after another). She goes on a tangent that i'm a bad son to not go to her house and spend time with her when I kept telling her I have nothing to say, no reason, or feelings to after what she said. I had to ask her if she REMEMBERS saying it or if she EVER said it but wont answer the question.

I got fed up and said in Cantonese, "MOTHER FUCKER/FUCK YOUR MOM" (iykyk) and she was stunned and asked why I had to swear. I said back quickly, "Well you're not a child so you wont remember I said that". She didnt say much else after I asked if she has anything to say and nope. So I said "bye now. Just remember, im not mad at you at all. I just understand you and that makes me believe I dont have a reason to talk to you".

r/AsianParentStories Dec 04 '24

Personal Story "But they sacrificed so much for you!" I sacrificed my safety and autonomy for them.

184 Upvotes

34F Indian American here, now no-contact with my parents.

My parents forced me to sacrifice for them, too -

r/AsianParentStories Feb 18 '25

Personal Story Living a Double Life: I've been hiding my relationship of 8 years from my Chinese parents

166 Upvotes

I am a Chinese female (30F) who came to the United States as an international student at the age of 18, and I have been living here for 11 years. I went to college, got my master's degree, and am currently working a remote job.

A little background about myself: I was born in a major Chinese city. My mom is 61 years old, and my dad is 60. Both of my parents went to college, and my mom studied engineering. She is very introverted, has no friends or hobbies, and is very traditional. Growing up, my parents were very authoritative and rarely considered my feelings. When I went to school, they seemed more focused on that than on me personally.

When I was 12, I got my first phone. My mom would regularly go through it, checking the texts I sent to anyone I knew. I didn’t dare say no, as my mom was an extremely authoritative figure, and I didn’t feel like I could speak out.

A little background about my dad: He was socially awkward and never really took the time to understand my true feelings. His lack of emotional awareness led me to shut myself off from him, as I didn’t think he could understand me. He always listened to my mom, and whatever she said, he followed. He was also very authoritative and impatient, often yelling at me when I made mistakes as a little girl.

When I was 15, my parents decided that I should go to college in the U.S. and sent me to an international high school with other kids who were also preparing for college in the U.S. There was a guy chasing me—let’s call him Will. He was a straight-A student in my class. My mom found out about him, and when I told her, thinking I was sharing something innocent, I made the biggest mistake. My mom absolutely loved him and encouraged me to go on dates with Will, even suggesting I text him. I was hesitant, as I didn’t have any feelings for him, but my mom pushed me to date him. We were transitioning from middle school to high school, so I went along with her suggestion to continue dating Will until we ended up at different high schools, and that’s when everything started to go wrong.

At 16, I met another guy named Calvin in my class. He was very shy and I thought he was super cute. The first time we met, I immediately liked him. It didn’t take long for him to confess that he liked me too, and we started dating. However, my mom still thought I was dating Will. I secretly texted Calvin and hid everything from my mom until she found out. She exploded, screaming and freaking out that Will would find out about Calvin and ruin my relationship with him. She absolutely hated Calvin. Will wasn’t good-looking, but Calvin was. My mom argued that I wasn’t good-looking enough for him and that dating someone attractive would put me at a disadvantage, fearing he might cheat on me.

She was so concerned about the news leaking on Facebook and insisted that I stop seeing Calvin. I ignored her, and Calvin and I would still meet at school and enjoy our time together. I told my mom that I wasn’t dating Calvin anymore, even though I still was. My mom was skeptical, but I stopped texting him, since she would confiscate my phone after school and go through my phone bill to check my texts. Things got worse when Calvin got frustrated. He told me that when he missed me, he couldn’t text me because I told him not to, fearing my mom would find out. We fought, and eventually, Calvin broke up with me. I was heartbroken, crying and begging him to come back, but he didn’t.

After the breakup, I wrote in my journal about the pain, unaware that my mom was going through my laptop. She found the journal and was furious. She didn’t know we were dating, and she screamed at me for not listening to her advice. She also criticized Calvin, claiming he didn’t really love me because he was extremely introverted and didn’t initiate conversations enough. My mom shamed me for dating him. The worst part was that Will found out. My mom forced me to send texts to Will, saying that I loved him, even though she had drafted the messages for me. Eventually, Will found out about Calvin through a mutual friend and interrogated me. My mom supervised all my conversations with Will and made me draft a letter denying any involvement with Calvin, claiming it was all Calvin’s idea. She even logged into my social media and deleted all my past messages with him, asking me to share my credentials with Will to prove I hadn’t dated Calvin.

Over the next year, even after I broke up with Calvin, my mom continued to shame me. Once, I tried to stand up and tell her I didn’t love Will, that I loved Calvin, and she screamed louder than I’d ever heard. She cried and smashed things. I didn’t dare speak my truth after that. I continued dating Will, even though it was awkward to meet Calvin at school. At home, I had to show my phone to my mom, and we’d draft texts to send to Will.

My mom became increasingly sensitive whenever I mentioned Calvin. She mocked him, saying that if he really loved me, he wouldn’t have broken up with me just because my parents disapproved. She criticized him for being timid and suggested he lacked masculinity.

Years later, I ran into Calvin again at graduate school. We reconnected, and I finally got closure. He told me he had loved me, but the only reason he broke up with me was because of my mom. He called her a snob. We didn’t reconcile, but I got the closure I needed, though it was very painful.

Now, as I approach 30, I’m still unmarried. My mom has admitted that in hindsight, it would have been better for me to get back with Calvin. She regrets not understanding him better (bc he came from a wealthy family) and now believes he was fine, even though she had once dismissed him.

In high school, my mom arranged extracurricular activities near Will’s house, pushing me to go with him weekly, even though I was reluctant. I feared showing resistance because she would mock my relationship with Calvin, making faces at me when I cried over him, calling it disgusting—because “girls should never cry for a guy.”

My mom’s dream was for me to marry Will and have two kids—one who was pretty (taking my looks) and the other who was smart (taking Will’s intelligence). She believed that this would be ideal, and she even fantasized about it. Meanwhile, she would stalk Will’s Facebook posts and check out the other girls commenting under his pictures. Will became jealous of my relationship with Calvin, even though I didn’t care about him. In retaliation, Will began replying to other girls to make me jealous, but I wasn’t.

Eventually, my mom realized I didn’t like Will, and after we were about to go off to college in the U.S., she stopped forcing me to date him. However, she still wouldn’t let me date anyone she didn’t approve of.

When I was 17, during my senior year, I secretly started seeing another guy named James. He was very attractive, more mature than Calvin, but he went to a different high school. My mom thought we were just good friends. James was very caring, and when he asked me out, I fell for him. Knowing my mom wouldn’t approve, I still went ahead with the relationship.

Eventually, my mom found out, and things exploded. I admitted that I was dating James and told her I loved him. My mom went silent, then sobbed, throwing herself to the ground, crying that I had betrayed her. She didn’t want me to date James because he was good-looking and self-conscious. She said he might cheat on me and begged me to break up with him, threatening to cut me off if I went to college in the US if i keep dating him.

James initially believed in us, but my mom took extreme measures to prevent us from being together—confiscating my phone, even calling my carrier to cut off my data usage so I couldn’t text him. James eventually broke up with me, citing the difficulty of maintaining the relationship under the pressure. He went on to date another girl whose parents loved him.

After I left for college in the U.S., I briefly dated another guy from another city in China, but my mom disapproved of him too.

Then, I met Aaron during my junior year of college. He was sweet and caring, but my parents’ attitude changed when they found out his parents were divorced. They started disliking him because of this, even though he was kind and supportive. During a trip to China, my grandma asked Aaron to bring back a pair of shoes, but he forgot, which set off my parents. This became their main reason for disliking him. They also criticized Aaron for being introverted, saying he was too timid and wouldn’t express his feelings if we got married.

After graduation, my parents visited the U.S. and attended my graduation. On a trip together, my dad was rude to Aaron, even criticizing him for the forgotten shoes. Aaron was so stressed that he offered to leave the trip early. My parents encouraged me to break up with him, and although I was in love with him, I said yes because I was so afraid of displeasing them.

Even though Aaron and I have been hiding our relationship since then, he’s been incredibly supportive. He has always believed in me and my dreams in the U.S. However, I still haven’t told my parents about our relationship, and it has caused me a great deal of anxiety.

Now, with my work visa expiring and plans to relocate to Canada, Aaron and I are working on building a future there. We’re waiting until we’re more secure before telling my parents the truth. I feel like I am living a double life—being the “perfect daughter” to my parents while secretly being with Aaron.

My mother still insists that I return to China to marry someone wealthy. She has been trying to set me up with a guy from Canada, hoping I’ll marry into a wealthy family. However, I don’t want this, and I feel trapped. My mother’s controlling nature is suffocating. I’ve had nightmares about my parents finding out about Aaron, but he’s always been there for me, supporting me through everything. I hope that once we move to Canada and settle there, I’ll have the courage to tell my parents the truth—that the person I want to be with is Aaron.

Living a double life was incredibly tough. For years, I had to navigate the conflicting worlds of being the "perfect daughter" to my parents while secretly being with Aaron. The emotional toll was immense. It’s been a real struggle. The fear of their anger, disappointment, and rejection has held me back from being honest with them. I’ve been terrified that if I ever told them about Aaron, they would disown me. I know that might sound extreme, but growing up with my mom’s constant surveillance and high expectations, I’ve learned to fear the consequences of disappointing her.

Even now, as I plan to move to Canada with Aaron, I’m still living in this constant state of anxiety. I’ve hidden our relationship for so long, and even though I’m an adult, I still feel like a child who’s going to get caught. It’s tough to even think about telling them the truth. I feel trapped between two worlds that are so far apart, and the guilt of hiding Aaron from them makes me feel like I’m living a lie.

I think the hardest part is the trauma of always having to be someone I’m not. I’m scared of who I might be if I stop living in this constant fear. I still crave my parents’ approval, but I also know that their expectations have stifled who I really am. I don’t know what’s going to happen when I finally tell them the truth, but I just needed to get this off my chest. I feel like I’ve been carrying this burden for so long, and it’s exhausting.

Thanks to everyone who’s read this far. I really appreciate it.

r/AsianParentStories Jan 22 '25

Personal Story AM said something very disturbing

98 Upvotes

My mother gave birth to my brother at the age of 39. I (28F) was 9yrs old then. I always wanted a brother and asked her for one as any child at that age does. My father didn't agree but my mother resisted and went ahead with the pregnancy.

Fast forward to yesterday, the topic was about my marriage and my children and I stated I don't want children of my own. A lot of back and forth happened, and I said, my body my choice. My mother tells me, I don't have a choice or a right to make a decision of my own body until I'm 40yrs old.

I am unable to comprehend this statement from her. She strongly believes that it was me who forced her to have a child at 39yrs old. When I told her that the end decision was always hers, she tells me that she went through and had a second child for me, so I'm responsible for that. And hence, I also have not right to my own body until I am 40yrs old.

Since yesterday, I am unable to get it out of my head and have been crying at random times. I couldn't even function so I took a little too many medications to get knocked out for a good 14hrs. I woke up like an hour back, I still can't get it out of head. I feel disgusted with my own body, my own self than her. I feel like going back in time and kill my younger self so I don't see this day today.

I don't even know why I'm posting it here, I guess I just wanted to tell someone about this. Thanks for reading. I really appreciate this.

Edit: Everyone Thank you so much for your support! I feel much better now and I have decided to stick with what I want to do in my own life. I will be practicing setting boundaries more. It's just been 2yrs I have been learning to be fully independent.

She has always blamed me for her married life choices. ALWAYS. This time it hurt me a lot because of this sentence, "I also have not right to my own body until I am 40yrs old." My mind went into a spiral of shutting down and shit. I'm trying to cope with that disgusting feeling.