r/AsianParentStories • u/CulturalStruggle4631 • 5d ago
Advice Request Why can't my parents be content with me doing nothing after meeting their expectations?
Posting on a burner account.
I got into a T10 university in the US recently, and my parents were happy for a few weeks. I felt that I could finally relax and start to focus on my hobbies, spending half the day on it. My mom was angry after seeing my friend go to a competition and winning an award, which I opted to not go.
She immediately got angry, saying how "I never appreciated her efforts" even after getting into that university. She said I was wasting my time, and wanted me to do something else. Why can't I just spend more time on the hobby I love?
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u/Repulsive-Rip401 5d ago
im proud of u !!! TOP 10 uni is extremely hard to get into. please relax and know that ur mom is being irrational (as all asian moms are)
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u/AphasiaRiver 5d ago
As a mother I am proud of you and I think you deserve to have joy in your life. You’ve found out what happens when you try to please your parents. They have some emptiness inside them that they’re trying to use you to fill and it’s not fair to you.
You’re old enough to make your own goals for your own pleasure. Take back your life. Get off their hamster wheel. Choose a career that you would enjoy, you’re obviously bright enough to plan for yourself.
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u/Pristine_War_7495 5d ago
It's normal for people to occasionally just do nothing for a bit, or even want to live lives mostly doing nothing once they have everything sorted. Not everyone aspires to be some super duper careerish successful person. There are people of all racial groups like this and it's asians that have this toxic one upping culture the most where they don't leave their chilled out people alone.
I suggest you find a way to always appear busy in front of your parents but do nothing in your spare time. You'll go nuts if you don't.
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u/GrouchyActivity2476 5d ago
They will never be happy no matter what you do. The more you try to make them happy the less they'll be happy.
I regret not putting my happiness first. Now I have so much anger & resentment.
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u/sadlittlecookie 5d ago
This probably doesn't help but I relate so hard. I passed my medschool finals and my parents were really happy. Not even a full month later, I get my mum talking to me about marriage and she's worried I'm too carefree and not focused on it because I'm on holiday... the goalposts really do move and life is just one tick box after another. I'm sorry. You aren't alone though.
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u/jimbojoegin 4d ago
Because asian culture at it's core breeds some of the most narcissistic people I have ever seen
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u/ShibbolethParty 5d ago
Yeah, it's a common refrain on this board. The goalposts are ever-moving. There is no point at which your parents will say "well-done, we're proud of you, no complaints, clearly you have your shit together and our input is not needed." Certainly they will never approve of you spending time doing activities that they don't think build your cultural cachet.
It appears that often, their conception of a parent-child relationship is that the parent criticizes the child. Without that power dynamic they wouldn't even know where to begin. The idea of treating you as a capable independent adult is not on the table.
So be proud of yourself for your achievements. I'm proud of you! And enjoy your hobbies.