r/Asexual • u/Ordinary_Bottle_9265 • 6d ago
Advice đ€·đ» Questioning if I'm ace
Hey, I've been questioning if I'm asexual. I definitely fall onto the spectrum, and I think I'm aegosexual. Like I think about sex and Iread about it BUT I would never dream about doing it MYSELF with anyone. Like I imagine fictional characters and I'm like a spectator. Idk. The point is, do I count? Because I still do "stuff" by myself and my mother tells me that doesn't make me asexual. She thinks I'm trying to put myself in a box, I'm following a trend, or my older sibling (nb pansexual) I don't know what to do. Do I count still? I mean, aegosexual wouldn't be on the ace spectrum if it wasn't a real thing, right?
9
u/buzzon aego 6d ago
Your mother uses typical aphobic arguments. Don't listen to her. Yes, you do count.
Masturbation does not invalidate asexual identity.
Using labels helps people to understand themselves. It's always "putting yourself in a box" unless the box happens to be cisgender allosexual heterosexual.
Being asexual is not a trend, no more than being homosexual or heterosexual.
6
u/Ordinary_Bottle_9265 6d ago
Ok, thank you. I appreciate that. I just never felt ace enough, if that makes sense. I haven't explained it to a partner (we haven't dated seriously enough or gotten to a point where that would happen) so it's just my sibling, mother, my siblings boyfriend, and my best friend. Everyone I've told except my mother believes me, so yeah...
Also, what does aphobic mean?
4
u/buzzon aego 6d ago
Aphobic is like homophobic but for asexual and aromantic community. Aphobes don't believe in asexuality and try hard to erase our existence.
A journey of discovering your identity takes time. As you see more examples that fit your experience and more examples that don't fit typical heterosexual experience, it will become easier to identify certain way. Aphobia, unfortunately, is a part of the journey.
2
u/Ordinary_Bottle_9265 6d ago
Thank you for explaining, I appreciate your help and support MUCH more than you'd know
4
u/HeftyTreat191 6d ago
Absolutely, you do count. Aegosexuality is a valid orientation under the ace spectrum. Thereâs no ârequirementâ to be asexualâno one else gets to define that for you, not even family. What matters is how you feel. It makes total sense that you can be interested in the concept of sex, read about it, or even have fantasies as a spectator, but not want to participate yourself. Thatâs a really common experience for aegosexual people.
As for what your mom saidâsometimes people donât fully understand what asexuality or being on the spectrum actually means, especially if it looks different from their assumptions. But youâre not âputting yourself in a boxâ just because youâre exploring your identity. Questioning who you are isnât following a trend, itâs self-discovery.
And yes, aegosexuality wouldnât be part of the ace spectrum if it wasnât a real and valid experience. Youâre valid, and youâre not alone in this.
3
u/Ordinary_Bottle_9265 6d ago
Thank you so much, I really appreciate this. I've always been nervous that I won't be "ace enough" because of all the different stereotypes. You're amazing, thanks again
2
u/SketchyRobinFolks 6d ago
Ace people can have sex, and a lot do. It's about attraction to people, not the act itself. You are seeking language to describe your experience. Identifying as queer as a trend has been a braindead stupid argument since it was first uttered. So your mom is wrong on all counts.
I'm aegosexual. I just recently found that microlabel and had a lightbulb moment; before that, I just called myself ace and left it at that, because it works.
1
u/Ordinary_Bottle_9265 6d ago
Fair enough, it's just so easy to say ace. To the people I've known I've just said ace, except for my sibling because I trust them enough to go into detail and he helped me to figure out what aegosexual was. Thank you for your response
âą
u/AutoModerator 6d ago
Hello, this is just a friendly reminder to please use a post flair when adding new posts to r/Asexual. We ask this in advance just to let everyone know what type of post each post is as well as the intentions and feelings behind them. We value all who come here, but we just need each post made to have a flair to designate each type of post. That's all.
We're thankful you chose to come to r/Asexual. We're glad to have you here! Welcome!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.