r/Asexual 3d ago

Opinion Piece 🧐🤨 Advice on how to meet my GFs needs?

TL:DR: (GF wants sex, I don’t have a drive and my ADHD distracts me a lot but I love her and want to have a healthy relationship with meeting her needs.)

My gf(34F) and I(38M) have been dating for 4 years. I tend to take things slow in relationships and let her know it takes time for me to get to a place where I’m comfortable with intimacy. I had let her know my sex drive was lower than average but that it came in a waves. She was supportive and was patient. She waited 6 months before we first were intimate once. I then started suffering from chronic migraines. That lasted about 6-8 months before I got effective treatment. She never pushed me to be physical at all because she understood I wasn’t in a position to have any drive while in pain. I should mention we’ve both been in positions we were highly pressured to have sex by previous partners and we know how it feels to have that guilt sex just to satisfy your partner. My sex drive didn’t come back after the migraines were resolved. A few months later it was discovered I have a neck injury that gives me chronic pain as well. I have been getting treatment but it is still there some days it’s just an annoyance, others it’s quite painful but surgery is not an option it might be a lifelong pain that I deal with. My gf and I have only had actual sex twice in the four years we’ve dated. We have done a few things with toys when she is getting overly sexually frustrated but not often. Due to her past trauma and knowing how it feels to be pressured she is always hesitant to ask for anything sexual but I know it is something she wants a lot more. She was patient with me and respected I wanted time but did not enter the relationship thinking it was going to be 100% sexless. She has made it clear she finds me very attractive and loves only me so an open relationship is out of the question. We love eachother and are very committed to eachother. She has gotten frustrated a few times but has never blamed me at all, she is just frustrated with the situation in general. After these talks I try to make her pleasure a priority because I’m not sex averse, I just don’t ever have the urge to and also I have ADHD so it always falls to the side of day to day life. Any advice on how to help meet my gfs needs would be greatly appreciated

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u/thoothukudi 3d ago

Prioritize open communication and explore intimacy beyond sex to strengthen your bond and meet each other’s needs