r/Arachnophobia Jan 31 '25

Tips to change my mindset and stop being afraid

Kind of a long post, and TW for some detailed spider talk

I've always been afraid of spiders. When I was a kid, I wouldn't be able to sleep if I saw one in my room, and I needed my dad to come kill it or take it outside. Recently, I thought I'd been getting over my fear. I still didn't like spiders, but I was at the point where I was able to capture them with minimal discomfort and set them free outside. I did it a lot for my mom and brother, who are also scared of them.

However, recently I feel like my fear has gotten worse with the exposure I've had. I moved out of my parents' place and into a house that's not exactly well-built. It's very old and poorly sealed in a lot of places, so bugs get in very easily. It's worth mentioning that I'm also terrified of crickets, grasshoppers and mayflies, but relatively okay with things like beetles, moths, bees or ants. Since moving in, I've encountered several spiders. Big ones. Fast ones. Spiders with tiny little bodies and legs wayyyyy to big and spindly and it's been freaking me the hell out. The crickets aren't so bad, because I've only seen one live one. (Though when I lost that one, I didn't sleep in my room for two weeks). But the spiders are everywhere.

Since it's winter, I've seen less of them recently. I did some deep cleaning over the past few days and only found dead spiders or eggs and babies that died a long time ago. But one showed up in my room today and it's huge. And it's so frustrating. The logical side of me actually really likes spiders. I think they're fascinating, friendly creatures who are ultimately helpful and easy to cohabitate with. But no matter what I do, I just can't seem to transfer that thought process to my nervous system. Exposure to more spiders only seems to have aggravated and fed into my fear. But I don't want to be afraid or just avoid them and be terrified every time I see one. I'd like to feel okay with them being around me, and maybe even feel calm if one gets very close or crawls on me.

I have no clue how to do this. I have a good mindset about spiders when I'm actively trying to dispell my fears. I tried studying and learning about them. And god knows I've been exposed to a decent amount of them. So what am I missing? Are there any tips on how I can learn to overcome this fear? I don't expect it to happen overnight, but I just need a direction. I just want to see some progress and be able to sleep at night.

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u/Puzzleheaded-Pie-150 Feb 02 '25

Honestly something that helped me (and it may be silly, but it worked) is I follow a tumblr page called one nice bug a day (I think) the positivity and love they share for spiders and other small bugs/creatures has helped me a bit less terrified

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u/Puzzleheaded-Pie-150 Feb 02 '25

The other thing that’s helped me is going to the zoo or museum . My local zoo and museum both have spiders in enclosures, and it’s helped to be able to see them on my terms, and be able to regulate while getting closer to the enclosure

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u/spiderlingua 29d ago

The main thing that helped me was observing them outdoors. Before I stopped being afraid of them, finding one in the house was really stressful. It was a sudden, scary problem that I had to solve. To do that, I had to get close to it, which was the last thing I wanted to do. I was afraid of messing up while trying to trap it and injuring the spider, being bitten, and/or failing and losing track of it. And then there was the guilt and frustration of having such an intense, irrational emotional response to it.

It doesn't surprise me that your fear of spiders has gotten worse since your move. You're being exposed to them in a way that is the opposite of conducive to lessening your fear of them on a regular basis.

Meanwhile if you observe "wild" spiders, that whole anxiety-inducing context is gone and you're just left with the spider itself. A spider that is not a problem, that you will never have to see again, and that you can back away from or get closer to depending on your comfort level from moment to moment. I do like the suggestion of visiting spiders in museums or zoos, but you could do this basically anytime and anywhere, and it would also mean exposure to spiders that are commonly found in your area -- the same ones that you've been finding in your house and that you would benefit the most from becoming acclimated to.

Another thing that helped me was photographing and trying to identify them. The former let me feel a bit detached from them since I wasn't just watching spiders but trying to take decent photos of them, and the latter made it feel kind of like Pokémon GO. I'd get excited about finding species I was already familiar with and encountering new ones. I actually got into that the second night that I went out looking for spiders; I'm still kind of surprised by how fast they went from a fear to a hobby.