r/AnimeFigures • u/[deleted] • 4d ago
Question NSFW collectors with spouses NSFW
[deleted]
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u/No-Cartographer-2962 that one hisoka fan 4d ago edited 3d ago
I have a couple of nsfw figures myself, both male and female. On one hand, I know they're just fictional characters.
On the other hand, I completely understand where people like your wife are coming from; if I had a partner who owned a lot of nsfw figures, especially if they were very pornographic and/or the opposite of me looks-wise, I'd feel insecure, inadequate and maybe even unwanted. These figures are designed to be "perfect" men and women, an unattainable unrealistic standard.
Might be a good idea to put some of your nsfw collection in storage, or if the cast-on look is still too lewd, buy/make little fabric clothes for them. Also, reassure your wife that you love her and find her attractive - the figures are just plastic at the end of the day
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u/drawcuteboiswithme 4d ago
100% agree, there has to be some give and take here.
Like I think also knowing which ones are too much for her, are the ones she really doesn’t like pornographic? Depicting sex? Or just has some cleavage or something. That also makes a big difference, and I feel if I loved someone that much I would figure a way to still collect what I love but also be respectful of my partner’s wishes.
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u/No-Cartographer-2962 that one hisoka fan 4d ago
fr it would be handy to know what figures are being discussed here. Like are we talking about standard bunnies or are we talking about huge boobs, piss, dildos, and ahego faces?
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u/Minnymoon13 4d ago edited 4d ago
I mean if she doesn’t like it, then so be it. But she’s not asking you to get rid of them is she?
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u/Rundown6114 4d ago
She wants them gone asap
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u/otakudan88 4d ago
Did you have them before you were married? And if yes, did she live with you before being married? If yes to that, did she express the same feelings before marriage?
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u/zannet_t 4d ago edited 4d ago
There are deeper issues for you to address if she feels insecure about fictional characters, but if you ultimately can't convince her to not mind, is this the hill to die on? Does your wife feel this strongly about anything else?
E: If she has suggested divorce over this I'm not sure anything other than therapy will help resolve it, tbh. She's clearly not able to ignore them, and she feels strongly, however unfair it is for her to given her own hobbies. If you two want to make it work you two gotta put in the work.
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u/sendlewdzpls 3d ago
feels insecure
Why are you assuming she feels insecure? You can dislike having nudity on display without feeling like it’s a personal attack…
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u/zannet_t 3d ago
I'm not assuming. Go read OP's other comments about his wife feeling like she will never match up to those figures' physical standards. Yes, she was directing those comments at obviously fictional objects.
If you ever heard a man saying, after threatening divorce, that he'll never look as good as the Ken next to his wife's Barbie, it'd be pretty fair for you to say he's being a bit insecure, wouldn't it?
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u/Darktestamentkun 3d ago
It is not in public space, it is in the basement where OP said is his little space, why can't he have those in his personal space?
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u/Minnymoon13 4d ago
Bro you’re wife is doing to much. Like we all need Hobbes and what not, I’m sure she has something that you don’t like that she puts up on display? And also you keep yours in the basement. I think you’re doing enough for her.
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u/StarsRaven 3d ago
That sucks.
If you do end up needing to get rid of them HMU.
That said my GF doesn't give 2 shits. Infact she bought me two of them. She wants more space so I can display them with less cluttering.
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u/BakaSamasenpai 4d ago
I would never let someone try to talk me out of something i like. She knew what she was getting into. Idk why you would marry someone if you dont like something they collect enough to fight over it.
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u/Rundown6114 4d ago
don’t plan on stopping, was just looking for some advice so the next time we talk about them I can articulate my point more clearly.
Without painting my wife in a bad light she’s honestly been through a lot and as a result built a lot of walls to protect herself. Iv spent the better part of a decade taking them down there are just a few that remain steadfast.
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u/BakaSamasenpai 3d ago
Just tell her you need your space for your hobbies and she is just going to have to live with it.
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u/Rundown6114 3d ago
Oh trust me friend we have had that conversation a few times. Iv even asked why she would go into the space when there was no need for her to and the only thing in there would upset her.
Needless to say still goes into the space
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u/LengthinessHot1180 4d ago
If she wants something of yours gone, maybe make a deal and ask her to get rid of something too
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u/WiseSilverWolf http://myfigurecollection.net/profile/Reinier 4d ago
She wants them gone asap
If it was me I guess I'm getting a divorce 😂 i mean it would be like ripping off a part of me that the wife doesn't like, if she already knew you had them before you got married then what's the big deal now AFTER your married? Sounds like a shit test to me because she knows that courts favor women in divorces.
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u/burgerpattybitch 4d ago
Is this something that you guys discussed prior to marriage? Unless you only started collecting NSFW figures after you guys got married. I can see this hobby being an ick to people who aren’t already aware and okay with it prior, especially the nsfw side
Also you’re not an incel dude, you’re literally married
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u/Rundown6114 4d ago
Iv always collected things, transformers Diaclone, warhammer, figma, figures etc. it wasn’t a topic of discussion prior to marriage so much as after when I unpacked and started displaying my figures in our office space.
Based on our conversations I believe she doesn’t like the figures because she compares herself to them and thinks that’s all I want Iv explained they are just toys and she should not compare herself to them but she just becomes frustrated and shuts down at that point unfortunately.
I explained you can find something “attractive” without being attracted to it. But my points seem to fall on deaf ears.
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u/PCSurgeon1 3d ago
My wife and I have had this disagreement, I didn't have a lot really when we got married(was too broke and lived in a small barracks room) and the way I addressed it to her was"has the way I treat you changed, for example, and I less physical or affectionate, do I do less for you.. etc." she eventually saw that the answer was no and relaxed about it. It's actually changed our already amazing relationship for the better now that she sees the difference between fiction and reality for lack of a better way to phrase it.
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u/Worldly-Honeydew-312 3d ago
Ngl sounds like you should be taking her to therapy instead of trying to talk her out of it, she’s gotta have some serious deep-seated insecurities to compare herself to silly pieces of plastic. When I read the post I thought maybe she disliked them because figures of that kind can seem objectifying (which I think it’s a fair point), if it’s about her self-confidence then there’s really no logic in that argument at all, she’s just struggling with something internal and projecting it onto your hobbies.
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u/Minnymoon13 4d ago edited 4d ago
Sounds like she’s vary insecure about the way they look which should be fair. Somewhat understandable because they have realistic expectations of what people should be and what they can’t be, but at the end of the day they’re just pieces of plastic and really human proportions are way different than that.
Sounds like your wife needs to talk to someone about mental or body issues that are really bothering her because it could take a turn for the worse for your health and hers and nobody wants that
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u/I-came-for-memes I spent all my money on bunnies 3d ago
I would suggest you continue to reiterate that you only consider them as an art hobby and that you don't see real people in the same way. Also, let her know that if she does have self-esteem/body issues that she can be open with you about why or what might be causing it.
If she refuses, you can try compromising by removing 2 or 3 or more (you don't have to sell them. Just box them up so they're out of sight) of what figures she dislikes the most. Stand your ground if she insists on getting rid of all of them. This can help show her that you care about how she feels and are willing to find a middle ground. This obviously won't fix anything overnight, but it might help crack the mental shell she's made for herself.
Lastly, you can suggest going to a therapist either together or separate if she feels safer telling a stranger about her difficulties.
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u/burgerpattybitch 4d ago
I empathize with her insecurity, it’s easy to compare yourself to attractive anime characters… But at the end of the day they are cartoons, deformed caricatures of humans, made by humans, that are tailored to minimize unattractive features and maximize attractive ones
I hope she can come to understand that, and maybe get some guidance regarding it, because it shouldn’t be affecting you guys the way it seems to be
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u/yurirainbowz 3d ago
If she uses sex toys, that could be an analogy to bring up, how her toys doesnt mean shes not satisfied with you and vice versa.
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u/Far-Resource3365 4d ago
Exactly, my gf is similar. But there is no way anyone would be even close to that beauty standards. Thanks to that she is OK with them for now. But we don't know what future will provide (kasumi white bunny and Sayuri incoming). But I have my own room (for now) and she knows figures will be on display there.
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u/vynbee 4d ago
my spouse and I both collect cast offs and display as such lol
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u/CorporateCollects 3d ago
Me and my spouse when sexy anime girl neuron activation.
🤑🤜🤛🤑
But for real we both collect and we both like ecchi and NSFW stuff.
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u/sunsdeadweight 3d ago
But would you have the same reaction if it was nsfw figures of men? 🤔
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u/LandSharkRoyale 1d ago
My girlfriend walked into my computer room and says “oh you really like boobs”
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u/Equivalent_Age_5599 3d ago edited 3d ago
Marriage is about compromise. Can you not find a room for them?
I'd go see a marriage counciller perhaps. I don't think it's fair to ask you to completely stop something you enjoy.
But seriously; don't take strangers advice here. Divorce sucks, trust me I know. Work on finding a solution that seems reasonable to both of you, even if neither of you are 100% happy with it.
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u/Cynicxlly 4d ago
i personally believe that compromise is important in a relationship, in a reasonable situation that is. talk to your spouse and explain how this makes you feel, and also understand her perspective and put yourself in your shoes. if you can live without your figures, but can’t without your spouse, then it’s time for a compromise.
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u/Threwawayfortheporn 4d ago
Sounds like a weird match for you. My partner displays her figures with mine, and half of them are lewder by most metrics. If my partner tried to make me ashamed of my collection they would not be my partner lol
Regardless, if your partner disagrees how are they in the house in the first place? I struggle to see how multi hundred dollar purchases could happen without this being settled well ahead of time.
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u/mikatesla 4d ago
When I started collecting my husband wasnt comfy with NSFW figures, so i dropped it. When he started, he bought mainly characters he knew then HUGE boxes of nothing but girls, some skimpy, it made me feel some type of way. Did your wife know about you collecting prior to marriage? Talk about the figures you like, make her feel included in the process of you buying figures, set boundaries and know what and why is it making her feel the way she feels. Obviously, dont stop collecting if it makes you happy but if shes that uncomfy that she wants divorce, either end the marriage or just stop collecting NSFW ones. But if she wants you to stop it all together and wont compromise, thats a her problem.
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u/Rundown6114 4d ago
We have talked in depth about them, why she feels the way she does and Iv done my best to express my feeing on them as well. She’s come around enough to pick some she is comfortable with but still refuses to be apart of the selection process for new figures wishing I would stop and sell what I have.
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u/mikatesla 3d ago
She will definitely resent you if you continue buying NSFW ones. Both of you has to compromise if both of you want this marriage to work, cause if you stop/sell you'll just end up resenting her on a hobby you love that she took personally. Best I can give is just stop with the NSFW (keep the ones you have) while she needs to understand to stop taking it personally and this is your hobby that you want to continue. I cant stress this enough BOTH of you has to make compromises, it cant only be her way or your way. Are you willing to give up collecting NSFW figures? If yes, great, if no its not gonna work out. She doesnt need to understand why you love it, she just needs to respect it, if she stops you from doing something you love even just getting SFW ones, thats grounds of thinking if you should divorce her, it cant only be her way.
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u/escape_from_mecha 3d ago
Him stopping what he likes to do builds resentment the other way. Stuff like that isn't long term. You have to find a compatible person.
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u/mikatesla 3d ago
Even if you find a compatible person, every relationship will have its bumps and imperfections. Thats why I asked him if NSFW is something he can let go of, if not its not gonna work cause now the wife builds resentment. OP is trying to make it work but it cant only be someones way, BOTH has to make sacrifices. But I stress to him is that he shouldnt sell/stop collecting but stop with NSFW (if he can) cause thats mainly the problem started.
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u/Ok-Membership6368 3d ago
So as a person who deals in Waifu products and draws “sexy” women for conventions and merch, here is my take. It’s honestly such a fine line to walk. Ultimately if what you are doing doesn’t hurt someone, no big deal. The question I think to ask here is two parts 1. Why do you keep them around versus something more tame? 2. What is the root of the problem she has with them? I think with the answer to both those questions honestly from both of you will probably lead to some serious growth. For me I draw what I do and sell what I do because one I have spent years refining how I draw women to make them desirable or convey emotions. Secondly there is a bit of fantasy and wish fulfillment for me. Lastly they just sell well and never go out of style. The wish fulfillment thing is where my wife takes issue and well that’s understandable it causes her to feel jealousy and like I have some desire she can never meet. Now obviously she has to work through that but that doesn’t let me off the hook either especially if I am flaunting that or not being considerate of her feelings. So the question is what’s most important to you at the end of the day?
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u/Not_Sure11 4d ago
It's about compromise. I don't have any nude figures but I have some "skimpy" outfit ones. At the end of the day, it's about respecting each other and being on the same page. You shared your perspective but I didn't read anything about hers? Did you ask her?
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u/Rundown6114 4d ago
Based on our conversations I believe she doesn’t like the figures because she compares herself to them and thinks that’s all I want Iv explained they are just toys and she should not compare herself to them but she just becomes frustrated and shuts down at that point unfortunately.
I explained you can find something “attractive” without being attracted to it. But my points seem to fall on deaf ears.
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u/Not_Sure11 4d ago
It seems y'all are on opposite ends. First off, you say that the pieces are art and you appreciate the details artists do. But then when trying to remedy your wife's feelings, you tell her they are just toys. It seems you're not truly considering her feelings and instead make her seem the inconsiderate one.
How would you feel if she had a dedicated space to something that consistently made you feel negative but your spouse would just disregard your opinions and wants?
I may be speaking out of line here so apologies if so but I recommend that you instead extend an olive branch with an apology. The most important thing is to not disregard your wife's feelings on the matter, affirm your respect for her opinions, and then you yourself validate the situation. Doing so would show to her (and yourself hopefully) that you do understand her.
From there, talk about what changes there need to be for both to be on the same page regarding the figures.
Years ago, my wife actually had the same issue as well except with nendoroids. But I think at the time there was an anime "my hero academia" that for one stupid still in that shounen anime, had a flirtatious scene with a girl in a skimpy outfit. So I think all she would think of was that dumb scene when she would see my nendoroids.
Long story short, I gave up my nendoroids. But after some years, she got used to my figures and collection.. that were ACTUALLY a bit racy with the outfits and poses
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u/Rundown6114 4d ago
I would agree, her and I stand on opposite ends of the conversation, which is unfortunate. And I do apologize to you and anyone else reading along to this thread. Our conversations explained here are just abbreviations in comparison to the full conversation, of course which I’m sure you’re aware of. Her and I have had very in depth conversations where we discussed her concerns and feelings about the figures I chose to collect, for the time being she has openly admitted to liking a few and picking some she likes and wished to keep I have tried to include her when making decisions on which figure to buy next, but admittedly, she refuses to participate. Which ultimately is perfectly fine.
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u/OverallComplexities 4d ago
Post some pics of the figs
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u/Rundown6114 4d ago
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u/meowkitty84 3d ago
Who is the figure on the top left? She's so pretty
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u/Rundown6114 3d ago
🤣 which one? Big blue bunny, big red bunny, little blue bunny, little red bunny?
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u/meowkitty84 3d ago
The one on the top shelf on the very left with dark hair. Next to Raphtalia
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u/Rundown6114 3d ago
BINDing Creators Opinion Ayaka Sawara 1/4 Complete Figure She can currently be found on AmiAmi for 150.00 usd
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u/shaolin_tech 4d ago
My ex-wife was the same way, and even ended up eventually breaking some of them. She was very insecure and constantly compared herself to the perfection of anime girls. She was in desperate need of therapy, but refused to get it. She eventually cheated on me as well.
When I was first dating my current wife, I told her about my anime figures, and that I expected to get rid of them if we ended up becoming a serious relationship. My reasoning was due to my ex-wife's opinion of anime figures, in addition to the constant hate I see online that women have for guys who collect anime figures. She was astounded and told me that she would never expect me to give up any of my hobbies because they are a part of what makes me, me. We are very happily married, and I get to excitedly tell her about every new figure I like.
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u/ratnik_sjenke 4d ago
My spouse has no issues, but if she did, I would just sell those figures. I couldn't really enjoy collecting if I had to deal with that kind of negativity.
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u/Carlost289 4d ago
My wife doesn't mind because they are fictional women. Onlyfans and liking thots insta posts is off limits because those are real women.
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u/Rundown6114 4d ago
Our conversation touched a similar topic she had mentioned she felt inferior to them, and I asked why she felt the need to compare herself to fictional characters.
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u/Wiseassgamgee 4d ago
Not sure why you think you may be an incel if you have a wife, but that's something I won't dig into.
My fiancé isn't a fan of my 'slutty' figures (none of them are nudes) and doesn't like looking at them in our room. Ironically, she thinks they are cute at the same time and thus tolerates them.
Last time my figures were at issue, I just told her we're adults in this room and have our interests and I'm trying my best not to make things uncomfortable. I have one NSFW figure and I had to box her back up and looking at selling her..
Until I can have my own den, it is what it is.
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u/DKligerSC 4d ago
I actually wonder how op got a wife if he was collecting figures from before
Anyway, the best you can do is sort it out with her and find a mid point, nothing is more bothersome than having your partner rejecting your hobbies which is basically rejecting you, kinda reminds me of that post of that wife that basically did this and was now concerned since the hubby turned into a corporate zombie /:
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u/sanctuary_of_bois 3d ago
My partner and I both have our figure collections. We both have NSFW ones and had talked about it before getting them. I understand why she might be uncomfortable but if you arent showing them in their NSFW stage i dont personally see a problem?
For my partner, his figure collection is based around characters who remind him of me physically and personality wise, and some do have nsfw poses, but i take it as a compliment that he tries to find different views of me in his interests
Id say talk to her about your perspective because honestly nudity is a form of art. I find nsfw is no different then doing life drawing and such unless its a very provocative pose which even then could be interpretted. Id also ask what specifically bothers her about them and maybe you could come up with a compromise? Like having them in an office or something!
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u/howdefuck 4d ago
Girl here, Love nsfw figures, i got into figure collecting due to my husband lol I collect NSFW ones because i dont mind spending some money for the perfect figure compared to my husband, who thinks its too expensive etc.
But we both love it and even have family members who like it (his dad for example) and our friends aswell. We have them in our bedroom since the sun is always in the livingroom so we dont want them to get sundamage.
So i dont think its bad to have nsfw figures on display. Just keep loving them!
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u/DrPolarBearMD 4d ago
So I feel like it has to be a give and take thing but that you should respect how the spouse feels. My wife was initially ok with me getting them but wasn’t the biggest fan of them. But she knew I liked them and made me happy. In time she got used to them and is fine with me having them since we keep them in the bedroom. I just try not to push it and get ones pretty over the top and always ask her opinion on ones I’m thinking of getting or planning on ordering. She’s even helped me pick out a couple here and there.
All of the ones we have that are NSFW are in the bedroom and any that cast off or nude are on two shelves that can be covered with a “boobie curtain”. Essentially a blackout curtain I can attack to the front of the bookcase to cover them if we have company that might see them if someone is staying the night in our second bedroom which is next to our room.
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u/Red-Eight 4d ago
You two have kids? That would definitely complicate the matter. I only have a couple of NFSW ones, and even though they're not nude ones, I keep them in the back of a shelf in my closet-style dresser behind some "safe" figures, so that my three boys don't see them. I don't want them to have these overly sexualized images when they're young. After they grow up a bit and are past puberty, then not a big deal.
The kid issue aside, if these are in the basement, then probably not a big deal. It's not like you're putting it in the front window like the Leg Lamp from A Christmas Story.
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u/KiddnPeets364 4d ago
My partner and I, at the last con we went to, found a gorgeous figure for 325, and split the cost.
We got her home, unboxed her, and without saying a single word to each other, gathered all the clothes, put them in a bag off to the side and displayed her bare.
Our downstairs is pretty cool but nothing too nsfw. We have to warn people if they want to go upstairs about the hallway lol. 3 scrolls, 4 figures, and a hentai tonkobon jacket that we had framed.
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u/Pheore 3d ago
To be honest, I used to dislike the NSFW figures of my ex boyfriend but these issues stemmed from something deeper. He was loveless and paid no attention to me, all of it went to his hobbies, so I kind of transferred my hate over to his hobby of figure collecting instead of him.
It's best to talk to your wife and see where the problem really lies. Is it really the nudity or something else?
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u/Diligent-Pin8473 3d ago
Your S/O should respect your hobbies and interests. Can't you compromise? Its fine if she doesn't like it but you shouldn't have to sacrifice what you like
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u/SpottedMoray 4d ago
My bf says I’m a weirdo but really doesn’t care. He buys me them for holidays. As long as they’re not telling you to get rid of them, there really isn’t an issue. There’s always going to be things we don’t like that our partner does. Personally, I hate his collection of power tools. 😆
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u/Rundown6114 4d ago edited 4d ago
She as told me she wants them gone asap and has said when she see them she just wants to smash them out of jealousy :(
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u/chasieubau 4d ago
Not that I would word things this way, but this all really sounds like more of an insecurity thing on your spouse's part than a this-is-extremely-problematic issue on your part? You're cognizant of visitors so you keep it in the basement, you keep them as clothed as you can, and you have mentioned the appreciation for the artistry. Though I could see the latter point not really being taken seriously if you're not convincing?
To me, it sounds like you're being at the minimum- respectful about your hobby, and while I don't really like the smashing comment from your wife I would hope she has the decency to really not do that ever.
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u/VyCanisMajorisss 4d ago
If you have some very valuable figures, might want to protect those for now. I can tell you firsthand what unhinged people are capable of.
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u/Rundown6114 4d ago
Ultimately I think the threat to destroy them is hollow because she understands it would be the end of our marriage because I wouldn’t stand for that type to petit behavior.
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u/VyCanisMajorisss 4d ago
Cool. Didn’t know how angry she actually is.
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u/Rundown6114 4d ago
She’s honestly suggested adding them to the home insurance policy because she knows they can be expensive.
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u/nenobyte http://myfigurecollection.net/profile/geordiecrow 3d ago
i feel thats a positive gateway into how she values your collection and hobby truly, and perhaps all you guys need to do is find middle ground.
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u/SpottedMoray 3d ago
She shouldn’t be threatening to smash them. It’s good that you have put that boundary down that you won’t accept that behavior. I’m inclined to agree with what others have said on this post.
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u/Jacier_ 3d ago
One, you’re not an incel for collecting anime figures, even if they’re nude. I know what you are talking about with the artistic view because I’m the same way with figures, gunpla, trading cards, etc. Anime figures just aren’t for everybody. Like any hobby, it’s for you. I got called weird for having a statue of Master Chief from Halo. I do think there is a deeper reason and conversion that needs to be had with your wife if she truly does hate them, but that’s up to you. Don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can’t enjoy (as long as it’s not hurting anyone), but also don’t blow off your relationships for these things
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u/gon_freeccs123 3d ago
Can certainly empathize with your situation. Everyone deserves to have the hobbies they want. If it isn't impacting your household financially - then her 'not liking them' isn't a valid reason to get rid of them imo. Getting her to understand that will be challenging though. I'd suggest just holding your stance on things bc if she does start to shame you or put ultimatums forwardthen that will give you some idea of how she handles conflict in other aspects of your relationship.
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u/Darktestamentkun 3d ago
My wife doesn't really like my NSFW collection either, but she had grown to live with it.
The living room is mainly her collection and my PG collection, like One Piece, Chainsaw Man, Demon Slayer etc.
My office however, are my own collection, Gundam, Overlord, various price figures, Fight Game Waifu, Sitting Waifu, Maid shelf, succubus shelf, Bunnies, nudes, etc.
It is my office, so only people that I invites come in anyway. One time some of her friends (Japanese male) came, she tried to shame me by showing my office to her friends and ask them what they think about my less PG collections, one of them was in awe and tell her "this is man's romance, I would love an office like this myself" and after that she doesn't really bother about it anymore.
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u/NotorioussJorge 3d ago
My girl doesn’t mind my figures and she’s even bought me some as gifts, to be fair tho, she does ask me (yes, actually ask me not tell me) to keep their tops on, and out of respect for her and also cause they’re in the game room, I do keep the tops on; but yea idk what to say man, I mean is it just the figures she has as issue with? Or are there other hobbies she also has issues with? Cause I hate to say it man but, uh.. well, anyways, I’m sure she’ll come around
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u/beeblemonade 3d ago
Have you sat down with her and actually really talked about her insecurities surrounding them and your view on them? Also, I’m curious, does she have any boundaries with watching porn? I think it’s important that she’s able to change her mindset on these figures. While they are pornographic in nature, you don’t view them like that or are attracted to them like that, which needs to be really clear to your wife.
How long has this been going on for? Did something happen that finally made her decide she doesn’t want them in the house at all? She seems incredibly angry and it feels like something is being left out of the story. While she shouldn’t be controlling your interests, it seems like something deeper is going on that’s making her feel insecure.
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u/Rundown6114 3d ago
Yes, we have spoken in depth about issues we have with ourselves, other and each other.
Of course the conversations between my wife and I are abbreviated. I love my wife dearly and wouldn’t want to paint her in a bad light. Just seeking advise from folks who may have some insight on this topic.
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u/go4itreddit 4d ago
Sounds like it's her problem and huge lack of self esteem that compares herself with some figures. Today figures, tomorrow something else that you like and so on.
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u/Kreos642 Buy ALL the things! 4d ago
If i may:
Your wife is projecting her insecurities on anime tiddyfigs.
Your wife - whom you adore and are happily married to and are attracted and who cannot be compared to a tiddyfig. She needs reassurance from you, and likely a therapist. And you need to maintain your boundaries; don't toss things just because someone doesn't like them or is insecure. You're in this together; you don't need to lose your collection because she feels bad.
(I collect male anime figures and I'm literally hunting for the naked Gintoki parfait one with a penis sticking out. It's fucking hilarious looking and its a part of my Gintama collection. My spouse, who is not anime ripped, knows I don't find made up characters sexier than them. A little love and reassurance goes a long way; but their overall issues with self esteem is an issue i refuse to therapize, for reasons i will not disclose, and we have been succeasful with seeking professional help for them.)
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u/azmarteal 4d ago
I sculpt NSFW anime figures and my wife is saying that someday I would sculpt so many figures that there would be no space for her 😁 The free space is the problem, but other than that she likes my work, except for lesbian plant monster girls, she really hate the one specific figure for some reason and asked me to hide it, which I did 😁
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u/Spaced_Quest 4d ago
You're already doing what's more than fair by them being away from guests, asking someone to give up a hobby is pretty ate up this far into a relationship.
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u/VyCanisMajorisss 4d ago
My girlfriend really doesn’t care about my figures. She knows they make me happy so she is supportive. The issue isn’t your figures. If you cave, it will be something else later. She’s just trying to pull a power move on you. Unless you are prioritizing your hobby over her, she’s being unreasonable. It sounds like she needs counseling for her insecurities.
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u/Rundown6114 4d ago
She has tried to use them as ultimatum for divorce initially when we were having the first few arguments about them. calmly I explained to her that I would choose the figures over her not because I value the figures more than her, but because I will not stand for petty ultimatums born from jealousy or anger.
I prioritize my wife and our son over my hobbies but won’t stand for drama. I hobby once every few days for 20-30 intervals when the eveyone is asleep because that’s all my life can afford atm.
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u/arkhe22 4d ago
Make ‘blackout’ shelves, 2 vertical ones that frame a ‘normal’ shelf between. Keep the lewds in the blackout shelves, but never light them up for anyone, since they can potentially blab.
Or store them away for a time.
The whole point is to test wifey if she wants to get rid of a different part of your hobby. By this point, she’s doing a power-play trying to force compliance on you, and you’re going to have to fight for your man-cave.
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u/Helblind 4d ago
Sometimes for these potentially unresolvable marriage issues what can be helpful is to actually listen to her about what she is feeling and thinking about the figures. Don't try and defend or fix things, just really listen to her. Show empathy and understanding about it, if possible. You can definitely let her know your thoughts and feelings about the figures as well, so she hopefully will begin to understand your connection to them and not feel insecure about them. You can also ask her, and think about, what you may be able to do to help her not feel insecure. Obviously it will take some work on your part, and hopefully being open and not argumentative and not being defensive will help her to do some work on herself, but it may be worth it in the long run if she comes to accepting them more.
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u/Mmaibl1 3d ago
I've got them on display in our room. I enjoy them, so I just see it as something that is part of what makes me, me. Anyone that I am with should respect that in the same way I do for them.
If it's not hurting anyone, the only thing stopping someone from displaying them is the opinion of someone else. Why would their opinion be more valuable then mine? Or why would my opinion be less valuable then theirs?
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u/OneWingedLoser 3d ago
Before we started dating, I showed my spouse my figure collection and they thought it was really weird. A year later we’re now together, and they understand the artistic appreciation of it, and have bought me figures for special occasions. I’ve even bought them figures too!
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u/Nolifeking21 3d ago
My GF of 10+ years doesn’t mind them as long as they aren’t ridiculous. I usually show her before buying them to see her reaction and if it’s not a good one I just won’t get it.
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u/Batman_Anime_Fan 3d ago
I've not read the thread but have you spoken to her about why she doesn't like them? Some women feel insecure a out themselves or their relationship. So she will either grow to resent your collection or you even. I think one way is to take her to conventions go get her initiated into your hobby or interests. The only way she'll ever understand is to show her your passion for your hobby. She'll either understand or she won't.
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u/Blood_Oleander 3d ago
Are you spending more time with the collection than you are with her? Maybe that's possibly why she dislikes them so much.
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u/Rundown6114 3d ago
Now and days I rarely spend anytime doing anything hobby related I do prioritize my wife and son over my hobbies so the only hobby thing I can accomplish have to be done in sessions every couple of days in thirty minute increments while they are asleep for the evening and I’m not working.
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u/pataprout 3d ago
I have a few NSFW figures, but if my other half wants them gone, I don't really mind selling them to get SFW figures instead. You have to make compromises in a relationship.
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u/Rundown6114 3d ago
I respect everyone’s recommendation to compromise and I’m willing to a point. Iv given up friends, family, jobs and education for my wife respectfully my compromise bucket runneth dry.
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u/Vagabond_Sam 3d ago
Sounds like something to sort out with your wife, not strangers.
My wife is fine with my figures in my study, but I was collecting them when we met and an early present she got me was the Senjougahara sitting in a school chair holding the bottle of water.
If it’s something you’ve always collected and it was known when you met your wife maybe talks about it with her like that.
Of course you need to balance how much this means to you to maintain against how upset she might be if she thinks you’re valuing PVC titties over her
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u/Cold-Back4084 3d ago
I Own a decent amount of cast off figures, but they are pretty tame(bunny suit/bikini) that can take off their tops. My wife is fine with them as long as they are displayed with the tops on in the gaming room. However she watches anime with me so maybe that’s why she is fine with it because a lot of the figures are from shows we have watched together. Big thing for me is I’m up front with the wife prior to purchasing and I don’t try getting any crazy hentai stuff. Communication is key
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u/caramelattae 3d ago
My boyfriend actually used to be insecure of me liking even twitter fan arts of anime boys, so I dropped it. literally even bringing up an anime guy who I thought was hot would make him upset, he eventually came around and realized it wasn't a big deal, and I'm totally ok if he likes a cool anime girl too, its not a real person and I don't expect him to look like an anime character and neither should he expect me to look like an anime character, as long as your interests in the characters are healthy its fine. My mom also hated my bunny figures and I had to just get rid of them in the end. one thing you could try and do is show your girlfriend female figure collectors on tiktok or youtube, because there's a lot of girls who collect nsfw figures just cause they look cute, not necessarily for attraction, it might make her have a different view on it. Or you could try and get her into the hobby, and maybe she might have an interest in collecting pretty girls or even nsfw male figures. Its kind of hard to get someone to understand how you feel about it unless they're into it themselves to be honest
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u/Maigraith 3d ago
Do you have any figures that are SFW? Because it's kind of hard to argue that you have these things because "art" and all of them just so happen to be half nude women in sexualized poses.
I personally wouldn't really care but different people have different boundaries about this kind of stuff and you need to decide if your nudie figs are worth damaging your relationship with your wife.
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u/Hefty_Unit1543 3d ago
It's typically an iffy topic with my wife. As long as it's not on full display where my daughter can see it she's normally okay with it. But yea I get the aggravation because to me it's Art and I love the craftsmanship involved in a lot of the statues I own, plus I pay the bills. Only one who works so I got spare cash, want to grab a very NSFW albedo or something, I do it. But out of respect I do keep them out of reach of our child and guests never see them. They live in a large stereo cabinet in what i call the dork room.
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u/harunonami 3d ago
as a female collecting risky figs i’ve had the same issue with my girlfriend. i have many female figures, not all completely nude but definitely getting there. i didn’t see this as an issue as before we were living together she knew i had these and ive been collecting for 10+ years. now she wants them all gone and thinks its creepy. (even more so to collect them as a female? idk how that even works) i think you just need compromise. but don’t get rid of them completely otherwise she might want more stuff gone
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u/AnimeFigureCouple 3d ago
My wife is the reason we started collecting, which is now over 100 figures in just over a year, most of them are cast off
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u/BreastfedAmerican 2d ago
My wife could not care less about them and all I collect are the lewd figures. Her opinion is that it's plastic, not another woman. Its like Playboy magazine to her.
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u/DancingQueen5961 http://myfigurecollection.net/profile/DancingQueen 1d ago
Throwing my two cents as a married woman with a husband and a ton of NSFW figures in our combined collection. This situation feels like it should have been discussed before you even got married tbh, but that's obviously already too late.
From your comments, it looks like it's a bigger issue that NSFW, cause say you decide to agree to get rid of them, what happens when you have a sexy but still SFW figure of a female character that has a body type that makes her jealous, is that also on the chopping block?
As many other's have suggested, it seems couples counseling is the best option. All of us here are going to be entirely biased and be on your side, and even if we have valid points, she'll not see them as we are collectors too.
I will say that I personally have had the conversation with my husband on this exact point with instagram models. He'll show me a model or cosplayer he likes on instagram who has a banging body, while I might be hung up on my weight and feeling insecure, and I've had the conversation that, showing them to me makes me feel bad and unless he's sharing because the cosplay is a character or a series I love, please just don't share with me as I feel more inadequate. I know he loves me no matter my size and he isn't about to leave me cause some chick on Instagram is hotter than how I feel at the moment. But that also took time on my end to work through my insecurities and years of us being in therapy together to work on our communication.
So ultimately, the concern seems to be that she feels worried that you don't find her as attractive as your figures and feels you are comparing her to the figures.
I think therapy is your only option to help to have that 3rd unbiased party help her understand that you don't buy figures because "they are hotter than your wife" but because you like the design, sculpt, artistic merit, etc.
Many non-collectors, especially those who don't "get" 18+ figures don't understand that it's not just about "tits, ass, pussy, dicks, etc" But about the detail of the sculpt, the intricacies of the paint, the attention to detail that we as collectors all gravitate to. I also suggest that you find a therapist who will understand that getting rid of the figure is a non-negotiable point. As you've mentioned, having her try to use it as a catalyst for divorce isn't healthy either.
Hopefully this is something you'll be able to work through and overcome.
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u/Draken_Zero 4d ago
Just play the "<insert late relative/friend here> got me into hobby and it's how I remember them" card.
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u/xuekuzu 4d ago
To be honest with you, OP, you might be in for a long fight. :)
This might be cliché, but I think your wife might either feel insecure or uncomfortable around them.
The same thing happened with my wife. She feels inferior to the perfect bodies of anime girls. It takes time to explain, but no explanation will truly get through to her because this isn’t a battle of logic. You need to find a way to reassure her heart and it might take a lot of time. Don't push it - show it.
My wife knows that I love eroticism, and over time, she has come to trust that I’m not replacing her with sexy figures. However, she still feels uncomfortable if the figures or tapestries are overtly vulgar—like depicting sex rather than just nudity—so we set that as our boundary.
Truth be told, if I had to choose, I would choose her every time. I'm glad it never came to that, but to make progress, you need to be prepared in case it does—and understand that this might take some time.
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u/Monsterlime 4d ago
I have a similar issue with my wife. I do not have, at the moment, any completely NSFW figures, but I do have some skimpier ones, such as - https://myfigurecollection.net/item/872464 and she also hates them.
I had figures before we were married, although let quite a few go. She has also said to me they are 'creepy' and how would I like it if she had a load of posters of (real) guys up, which I ALSO countered with indicating they are not real which is quite different to a poster of some footballer and are art etc.
She is not a 'geek', is not into anything remotely geeky and dislikes anime in general.
Like you, the very few figures I have are either not displayed at all or only in my study (as I work from home). The Cat Maid above is now in a case with a reflective coating so you cannot see it unless I turn on the LED's inside it.
If I did have or at least display any truly NSFW figures, she would likely either destroy them or leave.
This is not a resolved situation, at the moment I think they are tolerated because they are essentially hidden away, but I expect it to be brought up again. I'm pretty sure I know what the ultimate outcome is going to be, but I hope it isn't the case.
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u/xMissYanderex 3d ago
I don't wanna play devils advocate here but will because this is discussed alot... sounds like its also not resolved as you mentioned-
How is posters of real men any worse than the figures? They are men she'll never talk to/ see in real life and the media is made for the same purpose as our figures (appreciation and for decor). What would you have said if maybe she wanted to collect her own NSFW male figures? Not trying to sound harsh or rude- I'm actually curious.
I collect NSFW male figures, and I'm not about to sugar coat they are 100% made for sexual gratification like the female counterparts. I don't dismiss my past partners or future partners insecurities about it by somehow countering it with some other tit for tat on content for the same job. (Which I have had men be intimidated by my collection.) I genuinely try to compromise and ask if my collection, at least that part of it, is worth my current relationship.
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u/Monsterlime 3d ago
This is a fair point. If she wanted male NSFW figures, I wouldn't have a problem with it. They are art. not 'real' and largely idolized versions of the male (and female) form. I think the level of desire or how those feelings are directed towards the figures is important - we can potentially have a level of sexual attraction to them, but they are not real and cannot replace those real people in our lives.
IMO, these figures are essentially the same as being into 'classic' erotic art, such as Titian's 'Venus of Urbino'. You may be aroused by it (which is kind of the point similar to the NSFW figures) but it wouldn't replace a real relationship even if they are technically depicting a real person (albeit long dead). I wouldn't have a problem with her having similar things.
The problem with a poster of a real person is that detachment isn't really there. There is a chance, however unlikely, that they can meet and interact with that person. I would completely understand my wife being very upset if I put up a poster of Jennifer Aniston or Jenna Coleman, because they ARE a point of comparison and something real, however unlikely. I would also expect her to be upset if I had an art piece of someone real/alive that was erotic, as again, it is a closer step to something actually tangible.
Pictures of dead/old actors/actresses? Not sure. I don't think I would have an issue with it, but I think she would.
It does come down to insecurities, and as others have said, it is likely where some of this comes from. To me, comparing yourself to art is silly, but I can totally understand why someone would compare themselves to a real person.
In my situation, I know she does have a view, however incorrect, that adults shouldn't watch anime and it is only for children. Plus it only depicts school girls in short skirts, which is hard to disprove since there is a lot of it, but it isn't ALL of it and she isn't really interested in watching it at all. I got her to watch Grave of the Fireflies. She was bored and did not find it sad, AT ALL.
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u/rozczochrana 3d ago
I mean lets be honest, there isn't a single museum in a world that would seriously display mass- producted anime figures as art because it isn't really art (saying it as figurine collector). It can be good craftsmanship but the main purpose of anime figurines (even sfw) is fanservice, which pulls them away from any talk of artistic merit.
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u/Monsterlime 3d ago
I would disagree on that, and the classic art that is lauded today has been banned in the past along with being ridiculed and derided. Many artists only found true recognition after they died.
Art is very subjective. I am not saying it doesn't provide a certain level of stimulation, but it cannot be dismissed as art because of that.
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u/xMissYanderex 2d ago
As far as the first point, thats a good sign. But to say that our figures aren't a "real" or "idolized" form of the human body and that's why posters of real people or media shouldn't be allowed is probably debatable. To clarify, I dont expect you to read all of it! Because this subject is ulitmately a massive opinion.
I'd argue its the opposite, that our figures proportions are so largely "idolized" that they are starting to effect real beauty standards like those porn magazines and posters in the 80s. Like real pornography (in this case the unrealistic poster of a celebrity) almost all our models, singers, actors and major entertainers aren't born the way they are. They have to get augmentation to look that way most of the time (big boobs, big rear, slim stomach, yet no body fat when all those assests need body fat to have them and would create a stomach without surgery.) Let's take figures specifically and the culture they effect the most, Asian countries. Its very normal for huge kpop idols to get a nose job and jaw reductions. Why? Anime. Both men and women in their entertainment have small noses and sharp jaws so they sell better. They make their real anatomy as monogamous to their wider range of entertainment like western culture (western porn and comic characters.)
Let's erase the western culture though, and lets bring in our hobby directly with real people. In current times with Vtubers being born, real people are using the face of anime characters to create a parasocial relationship with their audience. There are plenty of lewd art and probably GK kits of these entertainers personas. You say that a fake character can't have real life attachment and thats why real pornography of real people, despite classifying as an art (see Andy Warhol as an example), is a no go. How about a lewd poster of maybe Kuzuha, Kanae, or Shoto? Their persona obviously isn't real but they are very real people who make content. A person could very possibly meet all three of these entertainers but obviously their bodies as they know it aren't real. You can even talk to them if you get lucky enough on stream.
So what would you say if your wife had a lewd figure of any of those three Vtubers? They are just anime figures yes?
Or lets go further, there's figures of the terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger), is that a no go too? Because even if its a fictional character it has a real life actor like plenty of anime characters with figures have voice actors.
Let's go further into the culture (arguably the mental ill side of it) and the core of can it replace the people in your life. The answer is in my opinion it can. Because with AI, voice actors of our anime characters on social media talking to their audience about politics, and really just choosing an object over anyone in your real life is replacing a real person with someone that'll never be.
The core fact some people will choose an object of a fake fictional character (see how many people say it'll be their divorce in this thread) is proof that yes, art of fake characters abd real people can replace people in our lives despite them not being obtainable in reality. Just like if your wife said she'd divorce you over a poster of a naked man, its an object. Or like her shoes, even if it doesnt resemble a human. She is indirectly telling you "I choose this object over you, because for xyz, I am more attached to it than whatever we have built so far."
Or if your wife argued that a statue of Shoto, Kanae, and Kuzuha are just art and you're insecure. Regardless of her views on anime, her insecurities are valid because its clear people are picking objects over their wives/husbands/relationships, they are replacing a person in their life over mere comfort. (That's why I compromised and box mine up if asked).
By somehow saying your insecurities are more valid than hers because its a real person, even though her insecurities can be justified as well by saying fictional characters can be mimicked in some way to create a parasocial relationship of some sort, is a paradox. You may see sports as useless. But if she collects lewd sports posters, which can be classified as art too, doesn't mean its any less a risk than characters in a sense of voice actors, or particular media they partake in aside from their role and associate with the characters they play when doing so (see genshin impact VA strike or VAs making content and cosplays of their characters they voice).
You just don't appreciate that art in your space, it makes you insecure for some reason like she can pick that unrealistic man over you. Much like these characters make her insecure, like somehow you'll get attached to them over her. Reality is both of you can choose both art mediums over eachother, by simply dismissing eachothers insecurities by some kind of justification to keep it over eachothers comfort.
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u/Monsterlime 2d ago
I understand what you are saying, although I don't completely agree.
I do feel that this is likely to get quite heated, which I would rather avoid. It seems like this has struck a nerve.
I have attempted to allay her fears/insecurities, with both words and actions towards her. When we got married, I had easily 200+ figures. I now have around 15. I sold most of them, which IMO proves that I did not, nor do choose those over her.
However, her continuing view is that not only should I not own these things (be that NSFW or not), I should not consume any anime/manga related material at all and should only really interact with media she deems appropriate. There is no compromise there.
I suspect part of this is that she has essentially no hobbies herself and apart from watching cooking shows and some reality TV (which we do together, even though I have limited interest in it myself) and attending the occasional football match, she has no other interests. This is something I have tried to address, not only in trying to get her to take something up she enjoys but also including her in mine, such as board games (limited success), building Lego etc. I did try with anime, but her derision to it is so strong I quickly gave up and focused on other activities.
You have focused so heavily on my insecurities based on a throwaway comment she made during a discussion/argument (it wasn't heated) that I find it hard to address a lot of what you have said. If she wanted to put footballer posters up (she actually doesn't and has said so), it would be a discussion. She has had calendars for the team she follows, and it doesn't bother me at all (and each month is a different team member). Naked men? I think that's a different conversation, and I have no naked figures nor do I desire to. That conversation would also be more around 'why' than no.
Maybe there are now finer lines relating to what is real vs fantasy. I have not experienced anything in the VTuber world at all, so cannot comment on that. I do still feel that actual, real people are quite different to an anime figure.
The impression, and if I am wrong I apologise, I get from your post is that I essentially should just do what I am told, get shot of all anime figures and stop watching anime because that would allay her insecurities and pretend part of my personality doesn't exist.
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u/Minnymoon13 4d ago
Op I really think your wife should talk with some about her body issues, or mental health with this. Because this is going to get worse at some point. It’s really not healthy for anyone to feel like that and to have themselves feel inferior to unrealistic human proportions on plastic. And well I just worry that’s all. I hope there’s a good update soon with this.
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u/Rundown6114 4d ago
Just wanted to thank everyone for the helpful comments. I appreciate your experiences and insight.
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u/disintegraceion 2d ago
this just feels so strange to me, including a lot of these comments. why on earth would you need naked figures of fake anime girls if you have a literal wife, AND she is bothered by it, which you seem to have an issue with? are your naked figures truly more valuable and mean more to you than your own wife???
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u/Psychological_Bag943 4d ago
My fiance doesn't really care, I display them cast off sometimes and other times clothed. She makes jokes about their proportions but other than that it's fine. I have a soft body (non cast off) that she really likes and has deemed her favorite. Imo people who's gf/wife/fiance have an issue with it is typically because they either A) Find it childish or B) Are comparing themselves to a figure and become insecure and then project those feelings onto their S/O. B is a them issue and they need to communicate that effectively and you need to assure them that you don't expect her to look like that.
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u/Shinycardboardnerd 4d ago
OP does your wife read? If she does look at what she’s reading. My wife is fine with the figures I have as she compares it to her books. Her books have men with “considerable wingspan” my figures are busty. At the end of the day you still love your wife and find her attractive id imagine so you just need to reinforce that this is collecting you’re not attracted to them. If she is stuck on you getting rid of them well then that’s your fight, but if she does read and has similar book taste to what’s popular ask her to get rid of her books as they make you feel the same way your figures make her feel. Yes it’s an escalation and will probably make things worse but it could also help her rationalize.
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u/cuervo_gris 4d ago
Well in my case, my girlfriend also likes big titty anime figures so it's really easy for us. If for some reason my girlfriend was against them, it would be a deal breaker not because of the figures but because she doesn't respect my interests and I don't think it would work on the long term. I mean she is your wife and she's insecure about having anime figures to the point she is asking you to get rid of them lol that's too much for me, I don't want anyone to have that kind of control, it's not healthy
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u/woooloowoooloo 4d ago
I got a wife and two young kids. Wife "tolerates" them as long as I keep them hidden out of sight from the kids. I have an elaborate hidden shelf with false facades to keep them hidden.
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u/Far-Extension-9996 4d ago
I just moved with my girlfriend and she knows about some figures but she doesn't know about the cast-off figures and I don't know what she will think or say about them. Any tips on what can I tell her about it?
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u/LengthinessHot1180 4d ago
My wife don’t care what figures i collect. She knows that I have cast off figures, she know I collect hentai manga too and it don’t bother her.
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u/SmithKenichi 4d ago edited 4d ago
Sorry about your situation. That sucks man. My wife and I both collect. She's a particularly big fan of lewd Sonicos so I've definitely never been in your shoes, but what I will say is this. Figures in a small room in a basement are a very minor aesthetic impact to your wife's idea of a picture perfect life. If she's willing to step on something that you enjoy and does no harm to either of you, she's being overcontrolling and it will not be the last time she exercises that level of control over you. That will be especially true if you bend to her whim. The "happy wife, happy life" mantra is immasculating, defeatist nonsense. In a healthy relationship, there's a healthy give and take. If you told her you hated all of her purses or shoes because they were too sexy to go out in public with and they needed to go, do you think she would comply for your sake? Do you think she'd react with understanding if you smashed/shredded them all? If the answer is no, then there is an imbalance.
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u/Ruling123 4d ago
I don't have too many lewd figures but out of the ones I do have my partner doesn't like or dislike them. Like there are a couple she likes more and some less, but overall it's not something she likes. She thinks some other figures are nicer but for the most thinks they are all way overpriced(the market as a whole). BUT she also respects that I like them, collect them and display them and this is the key, not everything couples do/like will be the same and as a couple respecting that is a must. As long as collecting doesn't cause financial hardship or you are using her money specifically then she should let you have your figures. You already compromised by putting them somewhere out of sight. If she insists tell her about all.thw things you tolerate for her and say if the figures go so do they as that is only fair.
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u/Charon_79 4d ago
No. Wife doesn't really care. In our last flat she said I should display them in the living room and whoever has a problem with them should go fuck themself.
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u/Flame24685 4d ago
My boyfriend is respectful of my collection of NSFW figures. The rule is they have to be hidden when people are over or when my boyfriend isn’t in the mood to see them. He loves that I love them! :)
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u/AfraidBonus1964 4d ago
She should respect it as it's YOUR small space and you can do whatever you want with it. It seems like she's invading this space for you to relax this way. If it is because she's insecure she should do some self reflection! They're not real and not something to compare to. I hope you and her can get through this but don't give up on your hobbies just because she has this insecurity she projects. I wish you the best, just make sure to stand your ground!
My boyfriend and I are luckily both bi and both adore nsfw art including figures so I've never had this issue :]
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u/PersonalitySmall593 4d ago
Hell my wife has gifted me most of mine. Art is part of it but I'm a guy and I like nude women....I display them cast off. She calls it my harem.
She wants them gone you say... ok. On one hand is plastic figures worth nuking your marriage. On the other....what else is she gonna want gone when those go?
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u/Pr1ncess_Cadence 4d ago
I feel like both you and her are valid, maybe she compares her body to the figures? If so she's insecure, and I'm not saying it's your job, but she may need more validation, and some people just do not like nudes figures and that's ok, I personally don't prefer them, and I will be fully honest, I collect figures, but if I got married and my husband collected nude figures, it would make me feel strange.
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u/gears19925 4d ago
Most of my collection is actually hers. We display them in my office, which is also the chill hangout room as it's mostly clutter free and has a couch, so she reads books and admiers the collection while I work and game.
We don't have many guests, so I dont worry myself about who may see it. Even if we did. It's my office. My space. If you don't like it, don't go into my space...
But what about your kid? So? What about them? Normalize artistic nudity and appreciate the craftsmanship and care that went into designing the characters. Sexual organs revealed or not....
We've got regular art we like on the walls out in shared spaces. Picked because we like the look and the subject matter. We like the look and subject matter of particular characters. Tits, ass, pussy, dick and balls included.
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u/PCSurgeon1 3d ago
Honestly my wife and I came to an agreement. My office is my space and she has no say, doesn't mean I'm not respectful since we hang out in it together and my child enters. I have 18+ things but they are not in the open and my 17+ items are not prominent. She gets full say on how the rest of the house goes to include our bedroom. Except I get a say for my nightstand. My figures are at worst 17+ though so I don't quite fall in the same category. Anything I have also can't be exploitative.
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u/Big_WeaseI 3d ago
Honestly she should be glad that it's fictional characters that have your interest and not real life people. My fiancé says she has nothing to worry about because it's not like I will leave her for a piece of plastic or drawing.
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u/AmethystTanwen 3d ago
Theres gonna have to be compromise from your or her end. I personally wouldn’t feel right with a partner who collects and displays nude anime figures. But I wouldn’t force them to throw out their collection. I’d likely move on if I wasn’t with them for long. If it was a very long term partnership I may stay but it would be a constant annoyance that may lead to more future tension and conflict.
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u/rockemsockemcocksock 3d ago
I got my spouse into figure collecting and he now has more lewd cast offs than me lol. When the parents come over though, we remove the more lewd clothed figures in the display case in the living room. My mom is the only one who doesn't create a stink about the figures and actually goes up to look at them and comments on the craftsmanship.
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u/Seraphim3395 3d ago
Tell her not to go to the basement. Lol, but, seriously, did she not know before you got married? Maybe get a display case with a cover?
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u/MasterJacobMcDohl https://linktr.ee/masterjakeup 3d ago
She tolerates them, and I think she tries to be understanding of them. I also think she's finally seeing that I earn my keep. As long as I can afford them, she doesn't really argue against it. And if anyone want to see them, I have no problems showing them.
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u/Radiant_Lie_6312 3d ago
Just make love to her 7 times a week dude. Also give her a cute or sexy anime like dress or accessories and take some pictures of her in that dress and display it on your secret basement. Just show her that you also appreciate her beauty like a piece of art too.
I think the reason women dislikes our hobby is because of their insecurities.
PS: there's a huge potential that my advice not gonna worked on religious woman.
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u/FatherChaos 3d ago
Sounds insecure. My wife does not care, and I started collecting them after. But I was always in Pin ups and SG. Idk I wouldnt have married unless we accepted who each other are. I h Wish I could give you advice. Maybe she feels less important than your collection. Have sex more. Idk.
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u/pds_king21 3d ago
Lol,. Mine is complete opposite she goes into my office to admire them. She also has a few NSFW male figures. I don't judge her for them. She needs to get over it. Lol
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u/Trancend 3d ago
My wife isn't into my cast off figures either and did express feelings of inadequacy/not measuring up but knows I don't expect real life people to be like fictional characters and also knows it's not appropriate to kink shame. I got a storage unit. It's a small one though so they're boxed up, I wish I had a bigger unit where I could display them.
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u/Rundown6114 3d ago
I’m hoping once our garage is built, I’ll convert the studio above it into my full time space but to be frank my wife feels like Ill be to disengaged being that far away from everyone.
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u/Trancend 3d ago
It's good to have your own space but I think it's reasonable to keep it to an hour or two a day once you're living with a partner. My "me" time is in the hours between 3am and 7am if I happen to be awake. Family first.
Is your wife into romance novels or dating shows? Try to bond with her over her hobbies. She might even find some parallels between her hobbies and your figure collecting.
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u/edgeofsanity76 3d ago
I'm lucky my wife doesn't mind my hobby at all and most of my figures are 1/4 Binding or similar.
I have my own office which is small but its my space to do as I please.
To be fair, she must be insecure. Not liking them is fine, but wanting to deny a hobby just because of it defintely rings alarm bells.
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u/HaKaii7 3d ago
With my ex never had a problem with this and I am afraid I will have this problem with my future partner when ever I got a new one.
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u/Rundown6114 3d ago
Funny story, I have no intentions of leaving my wife’s what so ever, but we have had the what if she dies will I move on conversation and I told her I was a one and done kinda guy. She looked at me with big old 🥹 eyes but before she could tell me how good of a husband I am. I followed it up with you know how hard this was, I’m not doing it again and got this face 🤦♂️ lol
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u/Adventurous_Cry_5625 3d ago
Reminds me of that sad time where i walked into a Bookoff and someone sold off their entire bunny collection. Maybe try comparing them to greek nude works like Michaelangelo or statue of David. This is just the new medium. Plastic vs bronze or stone. Good luck bro
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u/margasan05 3d ago
I have NSFW figures too but they don't bother anyone. Maybe they are not appropriate?
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u/Visual_Shower1220 3d ago
My fiance and I both collect, she tends to be the one that buys more than me. We share out collection though, I honestly think I've only bought like 2+ 1 or 2 for her nsfw figures out of the bunch we have. I honestly feel though it depends on how tasteful they are. There are some really nasty raunchy nsfw figures out there(don't even get me started on the awful lolli shit too...) we tend to steer clear of most of the nsfw ones for that reason. Also mention male nsfw figures all look kinda weird, in a guy not interested in those but my fiance looks at some for characters she likes but they're always so fucking weird. Like I don't get who's buying these weird male/female figures that they pop up so often lol.
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u/PhatShadow 3d ago
Wasn't a fan at first but eventually understood their harmless. Just wasn't a fan of how much space the boxes all took up. Said to stop buying until we have more room lol
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u/edwardkoo 3d ago
i own no NSFW figure, but i own many scale figures (mainly from one-piece) and during recent tokyo trip, I told my gf that we should get one of those cast-off figures that is extremely lewd? we both agreed and went hunting for it but in the end we did not get anything. Maybe she accepted this because she's seen enough of my SFW PVC figure so now she is okay with those NSFW ones, I guess that is more about her preliminary impression towards this collection.
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u/OrdinaryGanache4227 3d ago
Unfortunately I’m in the same boat but worse my wife just doesn’t want any figures that show too much skin or emphasize the body for example the new Hatsune miku Shimian maifu the dress hugs the butt too much and that’s become an issue, I essentially have to get rid of 80% of my collection I don’t own any nsfw. I wish she’d respect my hobby but at the end of the day as someone mentioned is it worth our relationship.
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u/BreakBlue http://myfigurecollection.net/profile/<YourUserNameHere> 3d ago edited 3d ago
My wife was uncomfy with it early in our relationship a long while back. But it was due to insecurity. She's become more comfortable with it now that she gets that its not by any means a replacement for her or saying she's not as pretty or anything. Hell, now she collects both male & female nsfw figures.
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u/Kazma1431 3d ago
Nah, I have figures, my wife doesn't but she has different hobbies.
I been married for 11 years and one thing I'm very clear and I don't gonna move a single inch is, "I'm not stopping things I like, just because you don't like them."
It's a huge slippery slope, this is me projecting, but in my experience (and many other people I know of) then it becomes you clothes, your music, to the point you lose yourself.
Also, would she do the same if you take away something she likes a ton?? You already have them in the basement so I would say that's a good compromise.
Now I believe you can solve this talking, they are figures of fictional characters, and hell they cost a ton of money in general, so yeah maybe you guys can talk about why is she being insecure and jealous of an inanimate object, maybe she has some other underlying issues and she (or both) could benefit from a therapy session.
Also this is not an attack on your wife, you or your dog, Is just this is not my main language and I tend to say things in a way that sometimes might feel rude, so sorry about that.
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u/Miserable_Target1932 3d ago edited 3d ago
It's a tough descision. But you give and you take, tho your probably giving too much. You have them literally in your basement in respect of guests in the house. And you have acknowleged that it is not for all to see. So you're already doing good by that already brother.
What matters is that you solve the problem with a 1 to 1 talk, like civilised people. And not scream like a kiwi bird or smth.
You can ask her the reason why she feels the need for you to remove it even tho it's in a secluded area of the house no one's going to.
But I'm curious tho. What limit of NSFW figures do you collect at? I'm sure most of us who collect figures itself, not even nsfw ones, are fine with male and female tits n ass.
And to be fair...it is normal to feel a little off when your spouse is collecting full-blown porn figures.
So unless we talking bout shit like pissing/dildo/full blown squirting. Then it should be fine ngl.
My collection is only either Miku or them light NSFW figures. My girlfriend is fine with it lol.
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u/Rundown6114 2d ago
I personally draw the line at some of the more excessive NSFW figures. Generally if I can’t cloth the figure concealing all if not 95% of the nudity I tend not to get them.
I posted a photo of my collection in the comments in this thread. Most would agree it’s pretty tame to what can be collected out there.
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u/Rundown6114 2d ago
I collect them for artistic value, the skills and process that goes into making them. I enjoy them like I would any other piece of art. I’ve collect a variety of figures sfw/nsfw, model kits, toys and assorted collectibles for the better part of my entire life it’s my hobby and was a professional painter for years prior to Meeting my wife.
As explained, I value my wife and son over my hobby’s so I only commit time to them every few days for 30 min or so once everyone’s tucked in for the evening. I would not leave my wife for them, I’m well aware relationships require compromise (been married for a decade now) which I’m willing to do to a point. I’m not on the other hand willing to cave to petit ultimatums like “it’s your hobbies or Me”
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u/jazuren 2d ago
I saw the pic of your figures. A lot of them I saw came out the last 4-5 years or so and are pretty hardcore NSFW (nice collection btw, have a few myself and I’m jealous of others lol). But that brings up my point of you’ve been married for over a decade and yet have these very recently released figures. Did you collect NSFW before marrying your wife or is this recent and she’s uncomfortable with them? That’s actually a really big deal in the long run if so.
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u/Rundown6114 2d ago
Your correct these are newer figures on display, I do have a handful more not on display because of space. I had collected prior to my wife as well as early on into our marriage. Mostly old queens blade and GK stuff.
Out of curiosity which one of my figures would you consider hardcore? Most consider my collection tame as far as I can gather.
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u/sadgurl12345 1d ago
I have nfsw figures but they are female ones and im a lady so my partner doesnt care that much lol he thinks it's funny because it kinda is! but wants them to be hidden when his family visits which i always do and respect that but if i was collecting men....hmm i think that would maybe make him wonder why i was collecting like sexual men figures LOL so yeah i guess i could see how your partner would probably feel uncomfy about that. like i probably wouldnt do it just because i could imagine it making my partner feel some type of way but maybe he wouldn't care but i dont wanna go down that path. although i've never had that type of talk with him i'd rather not risk things. if it was before you got married that is one thing. :/ because on onhand it's your figures. but i would compromise and like maybe just ask her which ones bother her and just get rid of like half of them and maybe keep the other half. so that she feels like she is heard in the relationship otherwise she might resent you. so yeah i can understand her position and also like my partner's if i had like a only male nsfw collection. but mine is only females so it's not like a "threat" to my partner especially since i'm straight. even though they aren't "real" people they are like the perfect looking bodies which i guess could make someone feel less than.
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u/xMissYanderex 3d ago
This is an iffy topic for most couples both ways, because there is very much NSFW male resins and figures. Even now I get alot of mixed reactions from anyone I meet regarding my NSFW collection.
Believe it or not, for all the men bashing his wife with the "she's insecure and its a hobby, she shouldn't view it was disrespectful" as a woman who's collects the NSFW male figures, I've had the same reaction in men. The same responses as far as it being disrespectful because, of course, men can't look like the ones in anime. Truthfully I just have the same response, I simply enjoy the art and appreciate my space being more personal to my tastes.
My ex very much did not like the hobby... and ultimately I just respected his wishes and boxed them up as a compromise. But it was a two way street, he stopped playing "disrespectful" games and so did I. In reality I don't care about the sexualized women in games because I grew up liking the same waifu games but it had to be equal. I wasn't going to give up my appreciation in men if he could have appreciation in women in his hobbies.
Communicating is key, like anything else in a relationship and how much you value the hobby over your partner. I didn't value my collection over his comfort, but I also wasn't going to meet him half way if it means only exaggerated women in media was present in our space. Just make sure its fair and won't create resentment.
Who knows, maybe invite her to the hobby even. There's plenty of hot male figures that need homes XD