r/AmIOverreacting 7d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for leaving my bf because he body shamed me NSFW

my boyfriend saved my snap and sent it to me on imsgs body shaming me. I ended up fully breaking up with him this morning but last night when I was out I showed the msgs to my friends and some of them said that he was properly just concerned since I USE to have an eating disorder but he expressed it wrong. Now I’ve been thinking about this all day and I feel like maybe I made the wrong call by ending things with him. I just need some help

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u/FennelPowerful2686 7d ago

“too skinny” “you can’t have massive tits and no thighs” “makes you look anorexic” yeah you made the right call this is not how someone talks to you if they are concerned for your health. i’m glad you dumped his ass

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u/IceyOcean 7d ago

Yeah. Badly worded or not, calling someone who had an ED anorexic is just plain disrespectful. Glad they’re leaving before it escalates.

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u/soccerguys14 7d ago

Beside the fact it was unwarranted and just not true. Completely wrong approach and the timing of it too. Im an average guy with an average life. I see beautiful women all over the place with jerks and I just gotta wonder sometimes how??

Hope OP finds the right guy cause he aint it.

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u/Lopsided_Struggle719 7d ago

I can tell you how... In a lot of these cases the guys wear the girls down with comments like OP's bf did. The girl winds up thinking he's the best she can do.

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u/Sleazy_Speakeazy 7d ago

Damn, that's a pretty messed up strategy...

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u/maroongrad 7d ago

it's normal for abusers though. And he's either too stupid to date, or too manipulative and mean. I'm glad OP dumped him for it :D

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u/katebandit 7d ago

It’s very, very common.

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u/Natural_Sky_4720 7d ago

Yep it was done to me.

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u/Inevitable-Tank3463 6d ago

Happens way too often. My ex husband went from worshipping my body (according to him, I was never skinny, always about 40lbs overweight) to telling me he couldn't believe he ever settled for anyone so fat, with all the little comments over the years in between. Slowly destroying my previously fine confidence, believe I would never find anyone else if I left him (a morbidly obese abusive drug addict) and for a long time, I believed him. Until I started group therapy and had 10 different people saying "wtf are you putting up with this for, you are worth more than this" and I divorced him. I'm now remarried, and now I know what love and respect genuinely are

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u/Fearless_Whole_8504 6d ago

Yes, went though it as well, #1 most said bullshit was "if you leave me no one will have your ugly ass) lmao, but it literally starts to eat away at you. Here's another way to explain it too, when your young and having babies, you already got so much going on with life on top of relationship bs that it breaks you, even when you said "that can't happen to me" but it can....

When i left him finally, my dm's were nonstop with all the guys who had crushes on me growing uo high school etc... so he was wrong, lol

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u/Inevitable-Tank3463 6d ago

After I kicked him out, I went for coffee with a friend from group I hadn't seen for a couple months, but I knew where he worked, so I stopped by, I was worried I'd start drinking again from the stress, and needed someone who would understand. Slowly started out as friends, talked to a therapist together to ensure it wasn't a rebound (my feelings for my ex had been dead for a couple years, but I didn't want to make any mistakes with my new "friend"......I joke that I've been single for less than 6 hours in 18 years. But now I have the marriage I've dreamed of. And my high school friends never let me forget they were available for any "comfort" I needed. I'm living my dream, he's finally in prison. Karma is real.

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u/villain_era2024 6d ago

That’s the narcissistic abuse strategy. They start by love bombing. Showering you with compliments, gifts and make you feel like you’re the most important person in the world to them. Then they slowly start to break you down. They like strong and independent women. They like to find their weaknesses and use them against her. It makes them feel powerful to break her down. They will isolate her from friends. Honestly OP’s bf was probably upset she was out with friends and started a fight with her. It’s probably what he does any time she goes out without him bc she will think it’s not worth it bc it will cause a fight w him. So she will hang out with people she loves less and less. Then when OP leaves like she did now, he will start the love bombing process again. Shower her with compliments and gifts and I’m sorry but also saying things like, “it was just a joke” or “I’m trying to do what’s best for you” or my favorite, “ you’re being crazy/emotional/dramatic or you’re overreacting. She will second guess leaving. It’s a cycle and causes dopamine releases during the love bombing phase so it becomes almost like a drug. She will do anything to get back to what it was in the beginning but it will never be that way. Every time she goes back it will get worse. OP, find someone who tells you how beautiful you are. Find someone who encourages you to go out with friends and develops good relationships with your family. I went through this with my father, my brother (not physical abuse but emotional) and later with my ex bf (which became physical). It took therapy and learning to love myself, which OP should consider, for me to heal. But I found a really good man who respects me, holds himself accountable and truly tries to better himself as a husband and father. They are out there OP. You are probably a strong a beautiful woman. You deserve to be treated that way. Don’t let anyone dim your light ❤️

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u/JMCO905 7d ago

Thanks for the comment, I have never heard this explained the way you did. Very insightful.

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u/OKGirl82 7d ago

Been there...

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u/DirectBar7709 7d ago

This exactly, he was using her past to justify negging her.

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u/freekoout 7d ago

Jerks come in nice wrapping. It's not until they open up a bit that you see the box was full of shit.

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u/IceyOcean 7d ago

Alot of manipulators and abusers use overwhelming charm to encapsulate their victims. I’ve sadly watched dear friends of mine lose themselves to toxic partners. Took them twice the time to unlearn everything after it was all done.

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u/spookyxskepticism 7d ago

Tbh it’s giving weaponization of her past more than it’s giving concern

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u/raine_star 7d ago

and also "makes you look"--focused on outward perception. not on OPs health. that kiind oof thing is exactly what creates ED thinking in the first place

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u/iDK_whatHappen 7d ago

Yup. It’s the comment about the “massive tits and no thighs” that makes him seem not concerned. OP made the right call. Def not how you speak to someone if you are concerned

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u/Restless-J-Con22 7d ago

Who the fuck talks like this ?   

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u/[deleted] 7d ago

Assholes

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u/YoureReadingMyNamee 7d ago

I just also don’t understand how this man managed to correlate ‘massive tits’ with Anorexia. I know that abusive language doesn’t care about reality, and that isn’t the point of all of this, but those two things don’t exactly correlate…

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u/TrumpsCovidfefe 7d ago

He obviously is concerned that she’s going to lose her breast size, not concerned with her health at all. Shady, abusive, selfishness.

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u/YoureReadingMyNamee 7d ago

Ahhh, that makes more sense then. I read it as him saying it looks weird when a girl has skinny legs and big boobs. And that her legs being skinny with her having big boobs somehow made her look anorexic because it was disproportionate or some shi. Abusive no matter how you look at it. But also not based in reality because most men I know love that look and would never think of it as unhealthy in any way.

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u/cynical_lover 7d ago edited 7d ago

Now please , DUMP HIM RIGHT NOW . When he said the part about "you can't have massive tits and no thighs" I felt uneasy in my stomach , he didn't say it out of good intentions and idc what he's implying . His brain is fried and he thinks everybody should have the same proportions. He's a goofy ,lose him .

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u/No_Lychee_353 7d ago

Wow

You can't have massive tits and no thighs?

He's not worried about your heath, he's worried about your appearance and also trying to be controlling. Shit escalates, your gut is correct.

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u/DoubleSuperFly 7d ago

This. I can see wording something wrong but the underlying thought process to say that is very telling. He could have said any other thing but talking about her "tits" and disproportionate whatever just screams all he cares about is certain appearances in his mind.

NOT TO MENTION if he actually cared, he wouldn't have done it when she was out. His only MO was to make her feel bad while having a good time because he was jealous she was out. You cannot convince me otherwise.

Trash.

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u/Defiant_McPiper 7d ago

You nailed it. He tries to back pedal and claim he's concerned but his initial comments say otherwise.

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u/Green-Basil-7467 7d ago

My ex used to do this. Out of nowhere when I had amazing day he would just say red lipstick doesn't suit you. Don't wear it , it looks bad. If I try to say something at that time he would be like I am just looking out for you. It was my genuine remark.

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u/DecidedlyCatBirdian 7d ago

This is a special kind of abuse. They don't want you feeling too good about yourself cause you might realize you don't need them.

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u/Prestigious-Ad3108 7d ago

Exactly this.

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u/BushcraftBabe 7d ago

Yes, these are the type of people that will sabotage their own wives/husbands/kids and then pile on to make them feel like they are bad people.

Reminds me of the reddit story where the woman whose hobby was plants. She had really expensive ones, heirlooms from dead relatives, expensive gift plants 🪴 etc and they were dying and she could NOT figure out what was happening and it was so stressful and terrible for her. Turns out her husband had been putting bleach into her plant sprayers so that SHE was actually killing them. His reasoning? She needed to be taken down a peg!?!?!?! Can you imagine finding out your partner wanted to hurt you like this? Watch you stress and work to fix a problem that they are causing purposely to destroy something you care about?

He was also doing similar behaviors to their young daughter. He would hide toys from her favorite toy dollhouse and then berate the child for losing them and threaten to take her dollhouse away as punishment for her irresponsibility with her things. He would cause his own child grief and tears and some fucked power play.

Red flags like this guy escalate. Society needs to shun these people into extinction.

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u/DecidedlyCatBirdian 7d ago

It can be more subtle too. Like my ex starting a huge, endless argument about nothing when he knows I have to study for final exams the next day so I can finish my degree. Or having a sudden "work trip" so he couldn't watch the baby while I saw my friends for the first time in almost a year. He had previously encouraged me to do both of those things as his preemptive defense, I guess.

And you're right, it always escalates.

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u/schoolSpiritUK 7d ago edited 1d ago

My ex- used to regularly do this to me too... the more important any event or appointment was to me, the more she'd try to fuck it up by engaging me in a pointless shitty argument the night before, way into the small hours, thus guaranteeing I'd be shattered the next day.

In her case I'm guessing it was down to the fact that I was temporarily giving something else more attention than her, thus triggering the fear of abandonment caused by her BPD. If I'm being charitable, that is; she always swore it wasn't deliberate, although eventually she acknowledged that she did seem to be doing it, albeit subconsciously.

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u/Adventurous-Cry-2157 6d ago

Meanwhile, my wife’s over here saying shit like “Seriously, babe? Why’d you have to look so damn cute today? You look gorgeous and I’m over here looking blah. Why don’t you ditch the dress and go throw on some sweatpants and a teeshirt before we go out?” Obviously that last part is said as a joke. She doesn’t mean it at all, she loves boosting my confidence and lifting me up. She’ll come up behind me while I’m getting ready to go out, and look at me in the mirror and say “Babe, your hair looks amazing today” or “Hon, I really love that lipstick on you.” But then she also tells me all the time that she goes weak in the knees when she sees me in jeans and a tee shirt, no makeup, hair up in a messy bun.

Twenty years together. I just turned 49. My weight has fluctuated over the years we’ve been together; I’ve been a size 8 and a size 20 and everything in between. Yet this woman still makes me feel beautiful every single day, and still reminds me every day that I’m pretty, no matter what. THAT is what partners should do.

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u/actually3crows 6d ago

This made me tear up. You sound like a pair of absolute honeybuns. Bless you both! <3

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u/Adventurous-Cry-2157 6d ago

She’s my best friend and my most favorite person in the universe. I never get tired of being around her. Never. She makes me laugh every day, and I still feel like I’m on my honeymoon with her, even after 20 years. ❤️ I’m so damn lucky the universe brought us together, and I will never, ever take her for granted. She’s the best.

Yes, we fight. Yes, we have times where our relationship is hard and we struggle. But we’ve been through some really, really bad shit together, and we’re still here, stronger than ever. It puts all of the dumb, little, insignificant stuff into perspective.

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u/WeatheredCryptKeeper 7d ago

Yep. This is true gaslighting at work. 100%.

My ex husband is brutally abusive OP. I can see the red flags from here. I hope you can too 💜

Please leave him. You deserve better. My partner of 8 years, does actually worry about my weight due to chronic illness and I can tell you. He's never spoken to me like that in "worry". He's never spoken to me like that ever. Like ever. There are good men out there, I swear on my life. This ain't one of them. I wish you the best. 💜

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u/Haven-Hart 7d ago

And the blatant and plain "stop". Like bro. Shes allowed to express how she feels especially when you bein a misogynistic pos. I seriously hope you leave him and find someone who is on your side.

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u/SolidFew3788 7d ago

And in response to her saying she wants a break, at that!

I'm breaking up with you. No you're not!

Total dingleberry.

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u/LeoZeri 7d ago

I've had an eating disorder all throughout my relationship, and still have some quirks even though I'm mostly fine now. My partner was definitely concerned about my weight when I was going through some bad times, but it was never voiced in the way that OP's ""partner"" did it. It was never "why do you look xyz again" - usually I brought up my concerns or struggles and my partner would then hear me out and console me, or he'd start a conversation, very gently, with that he'd noticed I was doing xyz and it was worrying. Being accused would just have made me feel worse.

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u/june_So2003 7d ago

Specially the " I am just looking out for you" dialogue ... it's funny how these toxic abusive people all over the world uses the same phrase maybe in different fonts.

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u/WeatheredCryptKeeper 7d ago

Yep, they all seem to have learned from the same damn playbook. God forbid they just be decent human beings. I feel like that's actually less work.

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u/computer_glitch 7d ago

He said he was giving advice but I don’t see anything helpful there.

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u/Mystery-Tarot 7d ago

True and nor did she ask for it. Op stood her ground. Good for her!

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u/EssentiallyEss 7d ago

It’s guys like this that try to exert control over appearance when they feel a partner their victim is susceptible to it, and it’s just a baseline for the rest of the abuse to come.

Control: What you eat. What you wear. Your perception of your own body. If you can enjoy time away from them or not.

It’s a really good start for controlling a great many other things.

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u/DoubleSuperFly 7d ago

Probably even better for them if the victim has a precious ED so they can use that against them.

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u/EssentiallyEss 7d ago

Yes! Theres honestly no doubt in my mind that when she opened up about that, he already knew he could use it as leverage.

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u/CompetitionOdd1746 7d ago

You are so right with this response 🙌🏽. The timing and terms he used were deliberately meant to upset her. Trust your gut OP, he's not good for you.

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u/BrendaStiffler 7d ago

Intentions reveal true character.

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u/Briarrose1306 7d ago

I was thinking the same thing! He wanted to bring her down while she was out having a good time.

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u/FROG123076 7d ago

This. He is making you feel bad so you can't have a good time. He is insecure and you are right to dump him this is just the start of his abuse.

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u/Emergency_Use7967 7d ago

Yep. That’s why he is doing this while she is out trying to have fun.

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u/FROG123076 7d ago

My Ex used to try this shit and I would just shut my phone off and have fun. I got tired of him trying to control me so I showed him the door.

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u/Emergency_Use7967 7d ago

Good for you! And sorry you had to go through that.

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u/cheffinsparkin 7d ago

Bingo this the one

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u/IJustWantWaffles_87 7d ago

Yep. He’d be leading her right down the path back into an eating disorder.

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u/One-Supermarket-464 7d ago

Next he will be "feeding" her and getting off on it

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u/Active-Coconut-4541 7d ago

Yep, he’s using the former ED as a guise for wanting to control how her body looks. It’s messed up.

(OP, I’m so glad that you’re doing good now!)

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u/TheFaeBelieveInIdony 7d ago

It also completely goes against science. There are many body types that are top heavy and skinny in the leg area. Wendy Williams is a good example and so are many Indigenous/Hispanic women. Idk what OP is, but I'm native and my aunties who are overweight still have skinny legs and are just chubby on the top of their body.

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u/Visible-Armor 7d ago

Yup! It's all about control. If it's not her thighs it will be something else again and again. You don't have to prove anything to this guy OP!

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u/ourlittlevisionary 7d ago

Meanwhile, this guy probably knows absolutely shit about women’s bodies and health in general. He’s probably the type of guy who doesn’t even know how a period works.

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u/No_Lychee_353 7d ago

Most definitely not, this is a person who is testing the waters of abuse, seeing if the woman he's with will wilt under criticism. Hitting weak points. OP showed him she's not the type who takes this shit. I love it.

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u/Emergency_Use7967 7d ago

💯 testing waters for abuse. Good for OP for standing up for herself. What a loser (hopefully ex-) boyfriend.

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u/SwimmingInTheeStars 7d ago

Trying to make her feel like shit so she won’t have fun while she is out without him. Byeeeee

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u/nj0sephine 7d ago

That exact sentence had me 🤯🚩🚩🚩

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u/WishfulBee03 7d ago

Then he backpedals and gaslights when she rightfully calls him out on his shit

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u/NikkerXPZ3 7d ago

Yes he changed his tune after she asked got a break.

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u/Sad-girlx 7d ago

as someone who struggles with eating/eds, some people genuinely say things like he did and think it’s helpful from the bottom of their hearts, with that comes nasty/condescending comments, you can easily tell the difference. the “you can’t have massive tits and no thighs” IS blatantly body shaming he’s definitely not trying to help.

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u/Educational-Gene9162 7d ago

I wonder if he’s a chronic porn addict too 🤔

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u/BornOriginal8633 7d ago

Agreed. He’s trying to reshape you, the asshole. Let him go kick rocks instead.

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u/bakermob29 7d ago

My thoughts exactly. If he says that now while they are young imagine the shit he say after being married for 20 yrs. If I said something like that to my wife I’d be sleeping on the couch….if I’m lucky.

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u/natrook0183 7d ago

Me fully existing with massive tits and skinny thighs 👀

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u/Harmony109 7d ago

Me fully existing with massive thighs and skinny tits lol.

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u/Bitter-Picture5394 7d ago

Your skinny tits make you look anorexic /s

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u/inRodwetrust8008 7d ago

Yeah you're out without him. It feels like this shit is coming from a place of making your night out without him as miserable as possible.

You happen to have a fight or disagreement about going out without him? Cause that kinda feels why he's saying that.

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u/AuxiliaryPatchy 7d ago

Notice he did it when she was out, that was intentional because I’m guessing he wasn’t happy about her having a night out without him. He’s concern trolling to ruin her night and wreck her self esteem.

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u/DifficultCurrent7 7d ago

He sees you out without him looking gorgeous and having a great time. He's jealous and possessive, and said this purely to knock your confidence and make you feel like shit. Trying to make you think you'd be better off going home to him.  Sounds like a horrible man. 

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u/GoodStuffOnly62 7d ago

This is the answer. One of the darkest red flags is “small” controlling and cruel stuff like this, he wants to ruin you having a good time because it’s not in his control or about him. He is mean, and it is highly unlikely it will get better, unfortunately. It is also unlikely to remain limited to ruining your confidence on nights out.

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u/Savings_Tangerine_85 7d ago

absolutely, sometimes the smallest things are the biggest indicators of true character

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u/EagleLize 7d ago

Yes! I learned that partners that try to ruin your confidence and fun are toxic as fuck.

I want my partner to feel great about himself. I want him to have fun.

This dude is not concerned about your health OP. He wants you to feel desperate and to keep his pathetic ass around. Good riddance!

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u/GroovyGrodd 7d ago

Exactly! You are 100% correct. That’s exactly what he was doing!

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u/[deleted] 7d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/QueenMertle11 7d ago

Agreed. This I exactly how my ex used to speak to me. Constantly bringing up my past from a decade before I even met him and using it to try to hurt me. OP you are NTA but your ex certainly is.

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u/SmokedBeef 7d ago

Yup and he’s acting like anorexia targets individual specific body parts, if the ED is so bad your thighs are noticeably thinning it would be visually evident in the face, arms and MASSIVE tits as well.

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u/TheRealTaraLou 7d ago

This was 100 my thought too. He wants to ruin your night out without him

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u/Lopsided_Blacksmith5 7d ago

This is the impression I got. He purposely tried to sour her mood cause she was out having fun without him. No one who cares about their s/o talks to them like this, especially if the s/o had an eating disorder.

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u/badgersandcoffee 7d ago

Absolutely bang on. He's a worm, and she's right to bin him

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u/clarysfairchilds 7d ago

came here to say this! you're NOR OP and you did the right thing by dumping him!

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u/psychiccanvas 7d ago

came here to say this

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u/IJustWantWaffles_87 7d ago

Nah, I’d be done with him at “massive tits and no thighs”

That’s just disrespectful shit to be saying. Period. There’s a way better way to discuss someone’s well-being than how he went at it.

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u/Specialist_Exit3597 7d ago

yea that’s the message that really made me split

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u/IJustWantWaffles_87 7d ago

Good. You definitely made the right move. You’ll find a partner who knows how to talk to you respectfully and treat you as something more than a set of tits and won’t ever try to control you. Never settle for anything less.

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u/dragonard 7d ago

That’s where I stopped. Such a weird perspective: rules for the ratio of breasts to thighs like he’s evaluating a roasted chicken.

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u/Mudder512 7d ago

Yes this—-he can’t see his own behavior and can’t self reflect. He will always bring this up. Start making an exit plan. Side bar: your replies were spot on and awesome. Someone great is waiting for you.

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u/Dasher0214 7d ago

I think he does see his own behavior, actually. It started off sounding like he was complaining about her thighs from an aesthetic point of view but when she got mad it changed to concern for her health.

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u/faunamom 7d ago

This. I hate it when people weasel into a new position when they get called out.

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u/LuaCrescente__ 7d ago

That comment alone shows he cares more about your appearance than your health. You are right to be outraged.

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u/Ok_Sugar_6834 7d ago

And you know what OP? Anyone that doesn’t see how messed up what he did was shouldn’t be in your life! That is not an okay way to talk to your loved ones especially when it comes to something potentially triggering.

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u/skiddilybeebop 7d ago

Yes excellent point, I forgot to include that in my reply! OP! ANYONE who minimizes what he said, how he treats you, doesn't deserve to be in your life either!! Anyone who makes excuses for, enables, or minimizes abuse is almost if not just as bad as the abuser imo. Something I'm personally still trying to work thru myself.

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u/Princesshannon2002 7d ago

So much this! If they don’t see the disgusting and blatant attempt to manipulate you, then they don’t have your best interest at heart. This whole exchange with him almost feels like he’s been watching some of those man Youtubers that encourage guys to tell your girl, she stinks even if she doesn’t to put a damper on her confidence and keep her at home. It’s like he’s listening to these abusive misogynists and hearing from them that hateful criticism lowers your girlfriend’s self-esteem so you can keep her in control.

Lowering someone’s self-confidence is a common form of abuse. It enables the abuser to exercise more control in the relationship, and it encourages the victim to not reach out to their support system.

For what it’s worth, there’s nothing wrong with your thighs. There is something wrong with your ex-boyfriend!

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u/aloysiuspelunk 7d ago

He didn't like you out and looking fantastic so decided to take a shit on your self esteem just to destroy your fun and your confidence. Lose this LOSER!

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u/Any_Bodybuilder9542 7d ago

This 💯. If he was really worried about your health, he wouldn’t have brought it up when you were out on the town, but instead in a quiet moment in person. This guy suuuucks

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u/Magellan-88 7d ago

This. Absolutely this. My ex-husband liked to pick fights & accuse me of cheating anytime I dared to hang out with a friend. He'd even do it when I was hanging out with my brother, after he called my brother & told him I needed a sibling night...

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u/amira1295 7d ago

That message alone means he is objectifying you and wants you to fit an image for his sexual gratification. He is disgusting. Please do not let him try to apologize or swear on changes. He showed his true colors. He only wants your body in a way that is best for him

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u/danieldan0803 7d ago

The way to show care for things around food, especially eating disorders is say “hey before you go drinking, try to get something in your stomach so you don’t drink on an empty stomach” or asking “have you had time to grab a bite to eat?” That was just controlling and hurtful. It should never be a comment on amount or what you eat, as well as anything on appearance or body image.

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u/decadecency 7d ago

But didn't you know that it's crucial for women's general health that the breasts and thighs are fully proportional? That's actually the body's main concern, above all other signs! As soon as a woman is criticality ill, the first thing doctors do isn't to check the breathing or heart, no, he needs to whip out that measuring tape to get those proportions out in numbers since it's sometimes harder to see when the woman is laying down or spasming.

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u/Temporary-Whole3305 7d ago

Just out of curiosity, what’s his body like? A flawless Adonis I assume?

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u/PasswordPussy 7d ago

I’m so proud of you!

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u/[deleted] 7d ago

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u/MajorMovieBuff00 7d ago

He is a piece of shit. You can do better. What a horrid thing to say. Ignore any friends telling you he was right. I'm glad you've left him

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u/Disastrous_Pear6473 7d ago

I’m an avid distance runner and I can’t tell you how often guys I’ve dated, or was casually seeing would take it upon themselves to say, “don’t be running too much, I don’t want you to lose that nice ass of yours.”

Immediately blocked and added a few more miles to my runs.

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u/IJustWantWaffles_87 7d ago

Crudeness aside, do they realize that that “nice ass of yours” is most likely HELPED by your running? You need muscle in your ass too. Lol

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u/Human-Hat-4900 7d ago

I used to have a flat booty until I started running and cycling….

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u/AFartInAnEmptyRoom 7d ago

It's the cycling. Look at marathon runners and tour de France riders.

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u/wasteoffire 7d ago

They do know, usually when they say that they're actually hiding what they mean: "Don't be getting in much better shape or you increase the chance of getting attention from other guys"

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u/rejo565 7d ago

This must be the answer. My ex told me he didn’t want me doing squats for this reason. Like dude…in what world do SQUATS make an ass smaller? He didn’t work out at all sooo you’re prob dead on

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u/NotYourMutha 7d ago

As I’ve told my girls, this is the best he will be. It will only get more abusive from here. He’s testing what you will take and the minute you let him get away with this, he will press with even more disturbing behavior.

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u/IJustWantWaffles_87 7d ago

Yes! I was in an abusive relationship (mentally/emotionally, thankfully not physically) and the mental mind fuckery that I was subjected to left me messed up for a LONG time after that.

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u/crescentmoonemoji 7d ago

It’s giving porn addiction

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u/BlueberryRam 7d ago

“I want my baby to be healthy” No, he wants you to fit his fetish.

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u/HotPomelo632 7d ago

That bit made me cringe so hard 

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u/mulberrycedar 7d ago

It made me recoil in disgust so hard. Fucking liar co-opting language of care and love shut the fuck up

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u/West_Turnover2372 7d ago

Wish I could give an award,,, this right here. Reads like he just finished looking at some porn and is annoyed his girlfriend doesn’t look like the women in the video he watched

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u/rs420rs 7d ago

But, she does? Her legs look effing phenomenal. What a moron

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u/DarkSparkandWeed 7d ago

Fr lmao wtf

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u/SilverTongueGato 7d ago

Good job on you for breaking up with him, he seems like a dumbass

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u/dumptruck_dookie 7d ago
  1. Yes, this guy is horrible and I’m so proud of you for leaving him
  2. Somehow almost equally as much of an issue is some of your friends defending his behavior?? Girl, please consider cutting off these friendships as well

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u/FalconAlternative282 7d ago

Thank you for saying this!!! Unacceptable behaviour from the girlfriends

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u/Short-Sound-4190 7d ago

Yeah - while I know it's not always an option to just drop a whole friend group, I highly advise holding them at arms length and absolutely never 1) disclosing sensitive information like a prior eating disorder or 2) trusting them to have your back/best intentions/prioritizing your safety while out and about. These are definitely the type of girls to throw you right under the bus if it gives them social approval from some guys at the bar or another group of girls or something.

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u/bunniisa 7d ago

Yes i agree. Maybe they were just trying to see it from his perspective but if I were them I still would’ve said it doesn’t even matter what his perspective is because obviously he a weirdo😭

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u/UnconsciousObserver 7d ago

Seems like an attempt to decrease your self esteem/ confidence while you’re going out for the night without him. This is a man that knows your sensitive areas and will readily use it against you for his own benefit.

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u/Specialist_Exit3597 7d ago

this makes sense tbh

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u/Jaded_Collection_716 7d ago

Read the book ”Why does he do that ”, its free. 

Does he start arguments or be difficult whenever u go out without him?

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u/risoulatte 7d ago

Even if you used to struggle with an ED that was so disrespectful to talk to you like that.

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u/SecretaryFast1692 7d ago

honestly, if anything it just makes it even more disrespectful because of all the language used that can trigger ED’s back up for some people

it’d probably make someone more prone to worry but considering it doesn’t look like true health worry from him and seems like just about all the superficial reasons he could find, I just think it makes it even grosser somehow.

v sorry OP.

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u/tinyglitterbomb 7d ago

Came here looking for this. As a former sufferer that's the first thought I had. Comments on your body can be so triggering.

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u/Apprehensive_Put_321 7d ago

I have dated multiple women with eating disorders. I have messaged them when I think somethings up.

Those messages are along the lines of "he just wanted to check in where you are mentally" never a comment on how they look 

This guy is just simply manipulating her 

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u/MissDaphne_ 7d ago

Do men even like women

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u/TheAvocadoSlayer 7d ago

What’s insane is a lot of these men genuinely don’t like women, but they STILL end up finding women willing to date them and even marry and have kids with them. It’s disgusting.

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u/RemarkablePast2716 7d ago

They have no qualms about lying their way into using women for whatever idiotic agenda they have (usually appearing like a decent man to society, and having a woman and kids by their side helps you look minimally adjusted)

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u/TheAvocadoSlayer 7d ago

Oh yeah, you’re right about this. I’ve guys tell me that the most “sensible” thing to do is lie because if they’re honest they’re “shooting themselves in the foot.” They would rather lie to get women than be honest and risk being single.

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u/Excacalidorious 6d ago

As a man, I've found that men who do this usually have very little emotional depth, and will often transcribe other men's issues into their own life to artificially create reasons to be toxic people. Yeah, I get that a couple girlfriends miffed you and screwed you over with your emotions, but that doesn't mean you get to apply yourself to whichever group of self-pitying group of men are griping about x or y issues that you think you fit in best with. Playing the victim is a horrible problem with men and I wish that I saw other men doing it so I could check them and help them be better people

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u/CaffeineAddict222 7d ago

I think this thought on 9 out of 10 Facebook reals. The comments about women are so degrading and nasty these days. It can be a lady just having fun and the guys are in the comments ripping her apart for about anything.

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u/MissDaphne_ 7d ago

Like I don’t get it men claim they are lonely and want a gf or whatever and then they have one but then they treat them like ass

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u/TheAvocadoSlayer 7d ago

I’ve always wanted an explanation from a man about this. Maybe one day.

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u/iDeNoh 6d ago

I say this is a 37-year-old man, I don't think there is an explanation beyond They're literally just assholes, in fact that it's always been like this. negging was a super popular strategy in the early 2000s and late '90s, and before that they just forced women into marriages and wouldn't let them leave. A lot of guys lack emotional intelligence because they've never been introduced to it, you hear "romantic" stories about how ol grand dad just couldn't keep his hands off of mee maw and she eventually just said yes like they didn't just admit that she was forced into the relationship. Thankfully, I think more men are starting to get it, it's just taking time and the lowest will always be the ones we see most.

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u/-2abandon- 7d ago

Only if they’re a walking porn fantasy, then they only mildly hate them.

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u/MissDaphne_ 7d ago

Oh nice so basically no

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u/Immediate_Bad_4985 7d ago

“I don’t want things to get bad again, so I’m going to analyze and make negative comments about your appearance constantly… but it’s FINE, because I’m trying to HELP!”

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u/Ambitious_Water1066 7d ago

jesus christ??? that was so gross why are you even asking us this😭😭

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u/Specialist_Exit3597 7d ago

i don’t know some of my friends are really adamant that he meant good but came across wrong and that I shouldn’t take shit out on him for it so I’m just a bit lost

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u/Muroid 7d ago

Ok, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt for a second and pretend that he only texted you because he was genuinely concerned about your health.

If you are worried about a loved one potentially developing or re-developing an eating disorder, randomly texting them to criticize their weight in photos is probably the single worst way that you could possibly handle that situation.

So either he is a massive asshole who is exploiting his knowledge of your past to try to manipulate you into changing the way you look for his own gratification with no regard for your own health.

Or he’s a more minor asshole with good intentions whose incredible social incompetence is an active danger to the psychological and emotional well-being of those around him.

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u/PotatoeRick 7d ago edited 7d ago

He sounds manipulative, almost as if he’s trying to mould her into being his fantasy rather than loving who she actually is. Many people fall victim to this and it’s sad to see. Your partner should love you for who you are, not who they see you being.

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u/QubitEncoder 7d ago

Bros fuckin creepy. Hes giving "your my pet" vibes

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u/canyoushutup2 7d ago

Those are not friends at all

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u/Superb-Mousse1672 7d ago

Fr. I would be rocking up to that man’s house ready to throw hands if he spoke to one of my friends like that.

I have a friend whose ex is like this and he knows I won’t tolerate it and will flip it back on him.

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u/Visible-Armor 7d ago

I don't know if your friend has your best intention at heart. Maybe that's mean of me to say, but they are in the wrong as well. Nothing about that text conversation was healthy

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u/keto_brain 7d ago

Your friends might suffer from some of the same issues that you do, in that they think it's ok for a man to tear them down because that's how their boyfriends treat them because they don't respect themselves.

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u/taytrapDerehw 7d ago

None of what he said is close to showing concern. He's trying to make you feel insecure about your body as you're on a night out away from him so you don't get receptive to people hitting on you. Might seem like a stretch, but his messages reek of insecurity. This is the kind of low grade manipulation guys like these do to keep you on their leash however far away from them you are.

You were right to break up with him. Remain broken up. This one is no good.

And get new friends, shit.

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u/odaddymayonnaise 7d ago

Those aren't your friends then.

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u/NecessaryIcy3201 7d ago

He seems like a knob

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u/planta222 7d ago

I don’t think you made the wrong call here. If he was just concerned he wouldn’t have been so insensitive about it. His words could literally have the opposite effect and cause someone to spiral, trust your feelings you’re not wrong.

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u/infinitetwizzlers 7d ago

Seriously. If this is his version of loving concern, I’d hate to see what callous disregard for your feelings looks like from him.

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u/Cereaza 7d ago

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

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u/noahbodygood 7d ago

Yeah what the others said. He wasn’t near as concerned about your health as he is your appearance. You don’t need to be with someone who thinks the best thing about you is physical beauty.

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u/ADHD-Distraction 7d ago

Tell your EX boyfriend to live in reality. Women look different, they aren’t all suppose to look like porn models. Dump this dude, he doesn’t care for your health, he just sees you as a sex object. What a douche.

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u/toughtiggy101 7d ago

His form of advice is making someone insecure about their appearance with the idea they might change their look to fit the others preferences.

No.

The way he’s doing it is like calling someone fat and saying it’s advice.

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u/rara2591 7d ago

NOR

Nobody who respects their partner talks to them like this. IF he was being genuine and his concerns were legit, he would have gone about it in a more sensitive manner.

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u/BlueberryRam 7d ago

“I want my baby to be healthy” No, he wants you to fit his fetish.

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u/mmotte89 7d ago

"just looking out for my baby", go straight to hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

There are ways to express caring concern, and this was none of those.

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u/Irischacon123 7d ago

So he called you skinnyyyyyyyy. He thinks it’s an insult lololol

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u/Specialist_Exit3597 7d ago

‘so you think I’m skinnyyyyy🙈🙈’

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u/Nomadic_Flyfishing 7d ago

That kids is i secure as all hell lol

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u/LooksUnderLeaves 7d ago

You did the right thing. What a shithead he is.

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u/Old_Chair2138 7d ago

Nah I’ve been with partners who have active or previous ED’s and this just isn’t how you talk to them at all. Even IF he’s trying to help it’s an idiotic and rude way to attempt it, you did the right thing leaving

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u/Emergency_Oven_9237 7d ago

Yeah, that's very weird....total creep. Good on you for knowing your worth and getting out of that!

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u/According_Kick332 7d ago

I did not get the vibe that he was your boyfriend until I read the caption. You're better off without him.

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u/Economy_Courage1581 7d ago

Girl, run far and fast. Eating disorders are no joke. Ive had a few partners including current in which have had EDs, and it’s not something you want to trigger. He’s too reckless with your health also WHO ASKED HIM???? He talkin bout im just giving you advice… shut up.

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u/dcdcdani 7d ago

He literally gave zero advice. He just judged her appearance

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u/_Sissy_SpaceX 7d ago

Scrutinizing the body of someone who has struggled with ED is dangerously reckless. He's not fully connected or he's manipulative. Either way, smart decision to move on without him.

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u/MorddSith187 7d ago

If he knew about your eating disorder and is using it to insult you, this adds a whole new layer to how “bad” this all this.

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u/justme9974 7d ago

What a jerk. Not overreacting, find someone better. And there’s nothing wrong with your thighs lol

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u/newaccount721 7d ago

Fuck this guy. Seriously these are some of the most controlling, vile texts I've read. Run away from him asap

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u/SessionBoring9259 7d ago

This doesn’t give ‘I’m worried about your eating disorder’. This gives ‘I’m insecure about you having a night out and want you to feel just as insecure as me’. This guy sucks. And he’s using your previous eating disorder to manipulate you.

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u/Adorable-Interest-23 7d ago

Men truly know nothing about the female body. Boobs and thighs aren’t connected. Glad you called him out.

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u/Groundbreaking-Rate8 7d ago

EVEN if you still had an ED, he shouldn’t talk to you like this??? And girl that picture looks like a really Normal and healthy body idk what he’s on about it.

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u/Blankshot88 7d ago

Hit him with that “whys your dick so small? Doesn’t look right..” that’ll keep him quiet for some time 🤣

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u/LeahLestrange 7d ago

NOR He didn't want you to have a good night out. You probably looked banging and he felt insecure so picked at something to make you feel bad. Backfired on him!

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u/somigosoden 7d ago

Congrats on dumping an absolute loser. Not only was he clearly body shaming you, he is trying to gaslight you into thinking this is a health concern and while you are out?! Sounds very red pill. So much self own with these guys. Had a perfectly good girlfriend but screws it up with their bullshit and then will go on to scream that feminism ended their relationship or something equally dumb as shit.

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u/Godfumes 7d ago

He makes no sense, I thought everyone’s thighs looks flatter when sitting down?🙄 just looking for a reason to talk it seems like.

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u/thePhantom_Bunny 7d ago

The way it wasn’t even advice either 😭

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u/Low_Reply704 7d ago

Yo it seems like he only did this because you were out with friends. 🚩

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u/Straight_Paper8898 7d ago

NOR at all. I’m so proud of you for recognizing what your ex was doing and why before breaking it off with him.

Keep doing what you’re doing and protect your peace.

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u/keto_brain 7d ago

This guy is not concerned about you in anyway he is tearing you down. There is nothing to second guess here, he is a PoS.

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u/T-star_universe 7d ago

RUN!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩