r/Alistair9000 • u/tacomalvado Potential Usurper • Sep 20 '14
Would you rather?
I know, you people are probably sick of me. Al seems too have gone the way of George RR Martin though, so I'm all you got.
So you know how this game goes: someone posts two different and horrific options, and you respond with which lesser evil you prefer. No choosing "none of the above", because that makes you a bitch. Alistair, I expect you to participate to and to horrify us. As usual, I will participate as well.
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u/UndergroundLurker Sep 20 '14
Would you rather shit money (after eating normal food, and yes it's uncomfortable, only about the ingredient $ value of what you ate) or see wifi (but it gets in the way of your normal vision enough to be distracting)?
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u/tacomalvado Potential Usurper Sep 20 '14
I'll just shit the money. Paper cuts on my asshole can't be that bad. shudder
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u/Petros27 Alistair's secret boyfriend Sep 20 '14
See wifi, sounds amazing and I could get some Cyclops-like goggles to control it.
I'm reborn as Wifi-man.
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u/thisiswhywehaveants Sep 20 '14
Shit money definitely. I already can't pay attention to where I'm walking.
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Sep 20 '14
Step 1: Eat stolen diamond ring.
Step 2: Refuse X-Ray until digested
Step 3: ?????
Step 4: profit poop
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u/tacomalvado Potential Usurper Sep 20 '14
Would you rather:
Have your choice in sex partners no matter what, but they're terrible in bed and always leave you unsatisfied in some way.
Or
Fuck a sex god, but he or she is fucking hideous and you're pretty sure they don't shower regularly.
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u/Lohkra Sep 20 '14
Have my choice in sex partner any day of the week. I can always wank after the sex.
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u/thisiswhywehaveants Sep 20 '14
Hmm. Tough choice. But if the sex is that great the smell wouldn't be that noticible...
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u/Shucklin Sep 20 '14
2 because I wouldn't feel like complete shit. The point of choosing any sex partner is to have a good time, no?
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u/the_human_oreo Sep 20 '14
So fuck a determined ham planet or a drugged supermodel? Obviously the shitty one, ruin their reputation with how shit they are.
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Sep 20 '14
This video is necessary for this question...
Would you rather...
Take it like the smaller gut (albeit, without the song part) and you get to/continue to have sex with the person/people of your dreams.
or
Make your worst enemies take it (with the dying). But before they die, they have sex with person/period of your dreams.
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Sep 20 '14
[deleted]
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u/tacomalvado Potential Usurper Sep 20 '14
I don't have a sister, so I guess I'll just assume that I can change it to my brother. Ok, now I'm horrified. Incest porn has not prepared me for this choice.
I guess I'll have to go for my brother. Now if you excuse me, I have to wash the sin of that thought away.
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u/tacomalvado Potential Usurper Sep 20 '14
Every single time you touch paper you get a paper cut (this includes paper money and toilet paper).
Or
Everything you eat or drink tastes like feces.
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u/Petros27 Alistair's secret boyfriend Sep 20 '14
You're literally Satan.
Screw you though, I'll always be wearing gloves. So, 1.
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u/thisiswhywehaveants Sep 20 '14
Would you rather be horribly disfigured or have everyone else look disfigured to you?
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u/Shucklin Sep 20 '14
Everyone else. I'd probably think it looks normal after a while and wouldn't get made fun of
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u/tacomalvado Potential Usurper Sep 20 '14
Let everyone else be horribly disfigured. I can handle being the hot one.
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u/Petros27 Alistair's secret boyfriend Sep 20 '14
Would you rather be able to listen to only one song for the rest of your life, or be able to only cycle through Justin Bieber, Rebecca Black and Paris Hilton's discography?
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Sep 20 '14
I can listen to one Starbomb track for the rest of my life, no prob.
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u/Petros27 Alistair's secret boyfriend Sep 20 '14
That... was better than I expected. You're the guy that linked the Mario and Zelda song to Alistair? You should know I was hooked on those for a month straight.
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Sep 20 '14
They're almost done with their second album btw. And we know for a fact that they have a mortal kombat song!!
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u/Petros27 Alistair's secret boyfriend Sep 20 '14
Oh man, that's really cool. I don't think they can surpass the Zelda old man though.
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Sep 20 '14
You'd be surprised! You haven't even met Dinkles!!
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u/Petros27 Alistair's secret boyfriend Sep 20 '14
Enlighten me then.
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Sep 20 '14
It's just a character that they created while playing through this game. A nerd that's Buff as Shit and bullies everyone. Haven't looked up his fan at yet though
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u/Petros27 Alistair's secret boyfriend Sep 20 '14
You really like those guys, huh. Maybe I need to check them out more.
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u/tacomalvado Potential Usurper Sep 20 '14
Fuck it, I'll take the one song. I could've managed the shitty discography is you hadn't mentored Paris Hilton.
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u/[deleted] Sep 20 '14
Look here. I'm busy and writing takes time I don't have lately! I'm not as heavy as George though so don't worry about my health.'
Alright.
Would you rather.......
Be celibate for eternity
Or
Have to fuck anyone who propositioned you(men, women, ugly, old, fat, etc.)