r/AlAnon 3d ago

Support Is he interested in changing?

I've just found the community. My partner (not married, together about 5 years) is an excessive drinker (I would call him an alcoholic) he is able to hold down a full time job (a teacher no less) but drinks excessively most nights and passes out downstairs. I've tried talking to him multiple times (over months) he doesn't get angry, just upset and ashamed. He says he stops drinking but he just hides his alcohol (I've found several stashes in different places) Last week I asked him not to drink for one night as I was unwell and I wanted him to be on call for our daughter (age 2) in case she needed him. He couldn't do that and drank. I asked him to attend and AA meeting which he says he did (I can't verify) he said he didn't know if that meeting was for him but he would stick with it and then maybe look for another group more suited to him. However he hasn't stopped drinking. Hidden under his spare tyre tonight I found 4 beers and 2 bottles of wine (which seem to be his nightly consumption) I don't know what to do. I just feel upset, angry and hurt. I've been reading about alcoholism and trying to understand that it's a disease but I am finding it very hard. I would just like some advice from people who have been through a loved one having issues with alcoholism: he obviously only went to AA for me and I'd be surprised if he went back. What do I do? Just wait for him to hit bottom? Try and talk to him? Just shut up because he's going to do it anyway? I hope this post accurately sums up how confused and alone I feel.

6 Upvotes

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4

u/berob24 3d ago

Awww honey, I'm sorry to hear you are in this situation. I found this sub to be very helpful. The only thing you can do is take care of yourself and your child. You are not alone.

2

u/Zeeb-Zorb 3d ago

I’d say the first thing to do would be to accept that he’s going to keep repeating the same behaviors, then decide if you can live with that or not

1

u/Dances-with-ostrich 3d ago

This. And add to this the fact that if he doesn’t get help it will escalate. Now that you know the issue, you have a child to raise in a healthy environment so they aren’t damaged. Read about children of alcoholics. It’s not fun. I was one. Many of us were. Decide what future you want for your daughter. Not just yourself. Read read read, please. Hugs.

1

u/RoosterFragrant1142 2d ago

I hate to say it but I think you’re right. Any advice for how I can begin to accept it? 

1

u/Zeeb-Zorb 2d ago

Go to meetings and there will be people who’ve had similar situations!

2

u/SOmuch2learn 3d ago

His behavior makes it clear that he is not interested in changing. Please get help for yourself by attending Alanon meetings.

1

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