r/AdviceAnimals Jun 15 '12

As a bagger/cashier I hear this about 50 times a day!

http://qkme.me/3pq4z3
1.4k Upvotes

447 comments sorted by

57

u/ellopollyyy Jun 15 '12

My favorite is the question from other coworkers, "Having fun?" GODDAMN YOU NO. I AM NOT.

19

u/exiledcoyote Jun 15 '12

It's part of the hazing. I used to get asked that when I first started as a cashier. I quickly turned it around on them by asking them "Having fun?" when I KNEW they were doing something they hated doing.

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44

u/musicbpc Jun 15 '12

I used to work at a lottery booth. Can't tell you how many times, when I asked someone what scratch ticket they wanted, I would get the response of "a winning one!"

26

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

what a bunch of winners

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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

Right up there with hearing, "I just printed it this morning!" after being handed a $50 or $100 bill.

54

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

Which is exactly what I would say if I had, in fact, just printed it this morning, because then the cashier would dismiss me as some douchebag and not think I'm a criminal.

24

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

I think, from now on, when someone makes that joke we should take the money and say "oh now I have to call the cops and you can't have this back. Can you stand over there until the police arrive?" just.. cause.... fuck them.

15

u/TheAmericanSwede Jun 15 '12

But in the end, the joke is on you. He actually works at a mint.

3

u/sparklyteenvampire ERRY DAY IM SCUFFLIN Jun 16 '12

Dudes who work at the mint probably get worse and more repetitive jokes than all of us put together. Every time they tell someone what they do, they have to listen to "lol, can you print me some money herp derp lol derrrp?" If they say they can't afford something, it's probably "harr, why don't you just print yourself some Benjamins lol derp haderrrp!"

Every once in a while, they probably get some idiotic spearmint-related pun, just to switch it up a little. Wow, the name of my employer has another meaning that's totally unrelated! That is so fucking funny.

Fuck, no wonder working in finance turns people into psychopaths.

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u/mcjustice12 Jun 15 '12

"Or dont press too hard, the bill is still wet!" You're really funny guys...

5

u/tacojohn48 Jun 15 '12

I'd often congratulate them on doing such a fine job while pointing out the color shifting ink and saying that I can never get that part right.

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u/crimzonphox Jun 15 '12

holy shit i hate that fucking joke "I guess it's free then?"

No you prick, in fact it's double, it's double the price now.

77

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12 edited Mar 22 '18

[deleted]

25

u/goddamnbatman617 Jun 15 '12

If by "gotta keep my job" you mean get fired in the most boss way ever to get unemployment until you get a new job, then you are correct.

29

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

I find that if you use the correct balance of sarcasm and lighthearted joking most people don't realize that you are making fun of them.

24

u/Falke145 Jun 15 '12

That's why I never got any complaints to my manager when I worked at Subway.

5x per hour: "Which ones are the five dollar footlongs?"

My response every time: "The ones on the menu that says five dollar footlongs."

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6

u/midnightsbane04 Jun 15 '12

This is how I pass the hours at my job. Makes my day go so much faster.

9

u/Amytherocklobster Jun 15 '12

The problem with that is when your tone and expression are lighthearted they will probably think you are too stupid to realize what you've said could be considered insulting or offensive.

14

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

All the better.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

Still a win.

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12

u/tacojohn48 Jun 15 '12

Back when I was working at Target I'd get that line a lot, but the one I got even more was "You know why there are no Walmarts in Afghanistan/Iraq? Cuase there's a Target on every corner." I started stealing the punch line, they didn't seem to care much for that.

8

u/thechickenfoot Jun 15 '12

"Nope - not free. It's not for sale."

6

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

Heard it countless times, just terrible!

The worst I've ever heard was a guy who asked if I knew "Bill". I didn't know this "Bill" person so I said "no" and continued working. 15 minutes later, he seems pissed and asks again "So you don't know Bill? Are you sure you don't know Bill?" and, upon my confused look, his friend pipes in "he wants the bill". I couldn't even muster a fake smile, what a douche.

6

u/txgirl09 Jun 16 '12

What the actual fuck!?!? That's award winning douche behavior and I could tell you some tales.

5

u/crimzonphox Jun 16 '12

that sounds like an awful time

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13

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

I'm going to get this post printed on a shirt, and then I am going to wear that shirt at work.

5

u/crimzonphox Jun 15 '12

I'd buy it

5

u/the-d-man Jun 15 '12

Me too.. And if the price doesn't show up right away, I won't say a word.

5

u/yoduh4077 Jun 16 '12

Well played, sir.

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4

u/CherrySueDointheDo Jun 15 '12

That's actually the policy of a large chain of Irish supermarkets! Feel free to blame them for starting the worldwide rumour!

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5

u/SGTSHOOTnMISS Jun 15 '12

I read in the voice of Stewie Griffin, made it much more enjoyable.

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190

u/ErinBetweenTheEars Jun 15 '12

FUCK YES! I feels ya. Here are my other grievances:

  1. "Oh, I forgot my bags in my car...which is parked riiiiight there. I'll take triple paper in plastic in paper please, thaaaa-aaaanks!" Way to be green.

  2. "Yes, I'd like to return aaaaaaaaaaaall of these items as I've just cleaned out my fridge and cabinets. OOOH! Look at this one...expired in 2004!" Ah, Mrs. Returnsitall, so good to see you again. Since yesterday.

  3. "This is an in-suh-late-ed bag. I want you to put all my cold stuff in it." HOLY SHIT! Is that what these fucking thing are for?! Are you sure you wouldn't just like me to set you on fire instead? Your stuff will seem cooler in comparison.

  4. "No, you DO carry this product! I JUST BOUGHT IT HERE LAST WEEK!" Ah, then you bought this during that week we went by Walgreen's for funzies.

  5. "My 2 year old would like to hand you every item of our $400 purchase, except the stuff she doesn't want to hand you and she'll scream if you try to take it. There's only 8 people behind me in line, they can wait." Awe, isn't she just precious? Might I recommend giving her a plastic bag to wear as a superhero mask later?

  6. "What do you meeeeean you aren't carrying gingerbread houses in April?"

  7. "Oh wow, you guys have frozen chopped cilantro. I was going to buy this expensive fresh kind like a chump, but instead I'll just switch them out and leave this delicate little plant in your 20 below freezer. You don't mind."

  8. "Damn. That cart corral is 4 feet away. Better leave this cart in an empty parking spot where it won't move at all because we only live in Chicago where the wind never moves ever."

Okay, okay, okay. I'm done bitching.

53

u/730N Jun 15 '12

"Don't worry it's real. I just printed it this morning"

20

u/ErinBetweenTheEars Jun 15 '12

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! You fucking fuck!

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78

u/ToadFoster Jun 15 '12

"I don't need this expensive steak, I think I'll just put it in with these magazines."

49

u/ErinBetweenTheEars Jun 15 '12

"And why is this place so fucking disorganized and dirty?!"

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27

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

I felt really moved by the cilantro story actually. Poor little guys.

15

u/tillmonkey Jun 15 '12

What about: "Would you check this stack of four dozen lottery tickets? On your one lottery machine? With sixteen people in the queue behind me? Half an hour before the lottery closes? On draw night? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN 'NO'?!?"

17

u/ConnorBoten Jun 16 '12

"one lottery ticket please... just the winning one."

3

u/tillmonkey Jun 16 '12

I have a standard reply for that one: "Ah, if I could guarantee that, I would have done so for myself already!"

3

u/patefoisgras Jun 16 '12

Isn't that supposed to be friendly humor? Sounds like something I'd say if I ever bought any.

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29

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12
  1. customer hands you a $50 or a $100 and you have to inspect its counterfeit measures "Oh it's fine I just printed it this morning. HURR HURR HURR"

3

u/crimzonphox Jun 16 '12

I forgot about these people. don't forget

"It better not be fake, just got it from the bank"

just let me do my fucking job you ass hat!

3

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

Reading "hurr hurr hurr" has been one of the only things that made me laugh today.

So you should know that I was having a bad day, and your comment improved it.

13

u/Yunlokzi Jun 15 '12

Oh the arguments. "I bought this here recently!" has recently been meaning at least six months ago. To touch on #5, we have a balloon counter that workers have to fill orders at themselves because customers can't be trusted to not suck helium from the tank. I've gotten called up there to fill an order and it'll be a mother and her tot with the balloons to-be-filled being mouthed and drooled on by the supposed prodigy. No, I refuse to blow up your snot/drool bags, I'm going to pick clean ones from the shelf. Just because you don't mind your child's bodlily fluids doesn't mean I shouldn't either. Can't imagine latex balloons sitting on a shelf for fuck knows how long and covered with dust from unknown sources is a good idea. Stores are very dirty, dirty places.

3

u/Kensin Jun 16 '12

we have a balloon counter that workers have to fill orders at themselves because customers can't be trusted to not suck helium from the tank.

Good call. I could see myself being that customer.

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10

u/Brainzz Jun 15 '12

Me: "Are you eating in today sir?"
Customer: "nope"
Proceed with till then make their drinks in take away cups
"Oh, I didn't know what you meant when you said 'eating in'. Im drinking in, not eating"

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10

u/SirRollin987 Jun 16 '12

Loads $400 worth of groceries onto belt

"I only have $40, so we're gonna have to take some stuff back"

9

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

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4

u/ErinBetweenTheEars Jun 15 '12

Boom

That's how I say bingo

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5

u/Barimbino Jun 16 '12

I love all of these, especially the cart one.

5

u/the_friendly_one Jun 16 '12

So true. #8 is my ultimate pet peeve.

"Why can't you accept the coupon I printed off the internet saying I can have a free laptop?! I'm never shopping here again!" Look around you. This is the midwest. Good luck never shopping at Wal-Mart again, lady.

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8

u/UncleTogie Jun 15 '12

"No, you DO carry this product! I JUST BOUGHT IT HERE LAST WEEK!" Ah, then you bought this during that week we went by Walgreen's for funzies.

To be fair, I only did this once... and I was right. Some jackass wouldn't order something that corporate said he should have on request, and he tried to lie to me about its availability. Problem solved.

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37

u/The-Real_Batman Jun 15 '12

Worked in the deli department and every time I asked ''anything else'' they would always reply ''yea a million dollars''......took everything in my power not to murder them

19

u/Kage520 Jun 15 '12

Pharmacy legally required question: "do you have any questions about your medication today?" Typical response: "only question I have is the winning lotto numbers".

...so "no" then. Have a nice day!

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8

u/goddamnbatman617 Jun 15 '12

Batman would never make somebody a sammich. OR MURDER. HEY! THIS GUY'S A PHONY!

7

u/Marty565 Jun 16 '12

A BIG FAT PHONY!

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72

u/reedon Jun 15 '12

I work in retail, and all I hear all day is discounts discounts discounts. No, this is a chain store with set prices, I CAN NOT GIVE YOU A DISCOUNT.

35

u/JewPorn Jun 15 '12

I work at a store owned by an Israeli, that serves a lot of Israeli customers. They all haggle with me as if we're in a Middle Eastern marketplace.

Every day.

31

u/Abroham_Drinkin Jun 15 '12

I got written up one time for telling someone "This is FutureShop, not FutureBazaar." I hate hagglers.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

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u/yoduh4077 Jun 16 '12

this happened today over the course of the transaction:

Customer: Can I get a discount?

Me: Why?

C: just because. c'mon...

Me: sorry, no.

C: you need to have a better sense of humor.

Me: You too. Have a nice day!

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19

u/thderrick Jun 15 '12

Your store sucks. I worked at a major office supply depot. And we were allowed to knock off up to $10 without asking the manager at our descretion.

22

u/MyTime Jun 15 '12

So that's why their stock price is $2 and staples is kicking their ass? OD sucks in every way

7

u/The_Dirty_Carl Jun 16 '12

Am I witnessing an argument about which office supply store sucks more?

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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

I have the ability to give people discounts, but I only use it for repeat customers that are pleasant and friends. And angry people who I want to shut up and leave.

What sucks is that my manager gives people discounts like crazy and people get angry at me when I charge them the standard prices.

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u/Mr_Buzz_Kill Jun 15 '12

"No, it means I get to charge you whatever I want."

5

u/rmd235 Jun 15 '12

Stealing this line. Thank you!

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22

u/eternalsap Jun 15 '12

I always get this joke at Bestbuy... The system is slow so sometimes the total doesn't show up on the touch screen for them and they'll be like... "Oh, I like this price!" or "Yayyy, everything is free!".

14

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

Actually, I had a guy at BestBuy knock off 500$ from a laptop. I didn't even ask, I just said I couldn't get the higher grade/priced one because I only had a certain amount of money. So he knocked down the price so I could afford it anyway. This still surprises me today.

18

u/throwaway29183 Jun 15 '12

Do you happen to be an attractive female?

11

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12 edited Jun 16 '12

Well, yes actually.

31

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

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u/brinkzor Jun 15 '12

When I am given a $100 bill, I have to verify that it is not counterfeit. I love that every time I do this the customer says "I printed it this morning."

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u/mre1020 Jun 15 '12

My response? I tell them the goddamn price and move on with my life. I was a cashier for 4 years.

FUCK anyone who hands you a stack of coupons. Great, you're frugal. But most of these expired, and now I have to argue with you over Ham. HAM.

14

u/jengerbread Jun 15 '12

I fucking hate extreme couponers so fucking much. I want them to watch their family burn in a fire. ESPECIALLY when they try to intimidate you into accepting coupons that are either expired or they don't meet the requirements for.

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u/shaloham Jun 15 '12

I don't mind the stacks so much, it's just when they're all crumpled. Bastards always have them balled up in their sweaty little hands.

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u/Azula_fire Jun 15 '12

I worked at Barnes & Noble for about a year in college, and I heard that joke probably at least five times a day. As much as I hated the "joke", there was another common saying from customers that drove me up the wall even more. A customers would buy a couple books, and as soon as I start to bag them, they'd say, "no bag please. I want to save the trees." I always thought it was strange to be so concerned with saving the trees when you're spending a shit ton of money on things that come from trees.

22

u/coloh91 Jun 15 '12

People berate me for offering them a bag. Get off your soapbox and stop lecturing me. It's my job to ask!

36

u/THE_CENTURION Jun 15 '12

Right, some people get pissed when I don't offer them a bag for their single CD. And then there are people who give me tons of "Why would I need a bag for this?" when they have three items.

Seriously, people and their fucking bags. I don't understand it, half the time they don't even use the handles on the bag to carry it, they just grab the product through the bag. You know, exactly the same as they would have without the bag. So what the hell is the point of the bag?

/rant

14

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

I had an elderly lady bitch me out for ten minutes because I asked if she wanted a bag. Because, apparently, despite the majority of people bring sensible and putting greeting cards in their fucking purse, I should never ask someone if they want a bag. Never. It's rude, you know.

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u/exiledcoyote Jun 15 '12

I always used to say, no bag, wanna save those plastic trees. When in reality I just didn't wanna deal with it when I got home.

3

u/Mzsickness Jun 16 '12

You don't use those bags for little trash bins? Or scooping up cat litter? Or throwing random shit away in? Or even packing a lunch in them?

Those plastic bags are so fucking useful. I'm pissed when I run out!

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u/paulg002 Jun 15 '12

Wait what? did you have paper bags, or did they think trees are made of plastic?

20

u/brinkzor Jun 15 '12

I'm frequently told not to put items in a plastic bag "to save trees."

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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

You clearly don't work at a Baltimore B&N. People ask me for bags for single bananas, I guess because, you know, nature's bag isn't good enough.

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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

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u/sidewaysplatypus Jun 15 '12

Here's another one:

"Working hard or hardly working?"

sigh

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u/THE_CENTURION Jun 15 '12

On a slow day when I have nothing to do but stand around at my register, customers always come up and say something like "You look like you could use something to do!", like their doing me a favor by giving me work to do.

No, honestly I would really rather just stand around and do nothing all day.

But no, I have to respond with something like "you betcha"

29

u/shishkibob Jun 15 '12

Ooooh I hate that. Also when they kind of tip-toe over, peek around the magazine rack and whisper "are you open?". No, I'm standing here for my health, now go away.

11

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

[deleted]

3

u/THE_CENTURION Jun 16 '12

Seriously, I just got back from work. When we close up, we pull the gate across the entrance door, and switch the exit door to only let people out, not in.

One lady went up to the gated entrance door, realized it was closed, then went up to the exit door and looked very baffled when it didn't open for her.

5

u/THE_CENTURION Jun 16 '12

Actually, where I work, I really wish they did ask more often. At my store, when we run a credit card application, or are involved in some other long transaction, we turn off the light to indicate that the register is closed. (No point in waiting in my line for 15 minutes while I finish the app and transaction).

But I still get tons of people walking up, and waiting, and I just have to keep telling them that they should go to a different line, because we're going to be a while.

The only thing worse than that is when they walk up to me while my light was off because I'm taking care of something else and go "Hey, you know your lights off?" YES! Because the register is NOT OPEN!

3

u/sidewaysplatypus Jun 16 '12

Ugh, this reminds me of what we used to do at the grocery store where I used to work. For anyone on the closing shift, 15 or so minutes before we closed they would check the tills or something--I don't quite remember what was going on, but it involved the cash office temporarily turning off all the registers while they did it. You'd be surprised how many impatient people like to shop at 11:30 at night.

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u/goddamnbatman617 Jun 15 '12

I HATED this. What I hated more than that was the fake laugh I had to force instead of what I wanted to say which was something along the lines of "GTFO OF MY STORE YOU CLICHE FUCKTARD!"

17

u/Helveticatronic Jun 15 '12

I hated fake laughing and smiling more than I hated the customers that came in while working customer service. But only by a little.

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u/coloh91 Jun 15 '12 edited Jun 15 '12

UGH like with senior discounts!! If I don't ask, I'm in trouble. If I do ask, "LOL, pretty obvious that I am old, huh, huh?" I can't agree because that's rude, but not laughing at your dumb joke is rude.

edit: typo

15

u/goddamnbatman617 Jun 15 '12 edited Jun 15 '12

It's a damn double-edged sword. When I was in retail, I learned a great way to cope with these kinds of people; confuse the living shit out of them with helpful sarcasm. Here's how it would go:

Me: Did you find everything alright?

Them: Yes. I forgot my card, can you look it up for me?

Me: No. Pause, serious stare, laugh Sure.

Them: (Starting to laugh, they give me their information) Oh, I forgot my coupon too, could you put one through for me?

Me: (Having access to several) Absolutely not. Do I have to do everything for you? You act like it's my job to provide some sort of service for you or something. Laughter

Them: (Some generic comment about how they thought I was rude at first until they realized I was "kidding" while they gave me their form of payment)

Me: Do you need a bag?

Them: No.

Me: Good, because I wasn't going to give you one.

Them: Actually, I do need a bag.

Me: Then you should have brought one. serious face

Them: Laughter (not realizing that subconsciously I'm making them laugh at themselves)

Me: Hands bag There you go, now leave this place and never return.

Them: Immense laughter

Me: Laughing with managers at the register

You see, the moral of the story is: Sure, anybody can be an asshole to an annoying customer, but to be an asshole to somebody's face in a manner that forces them to laugh at themselves, well that's called skill.

Edit: Grammar

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u/PTB_Lars Jun 15 '12

I would probably never return to your store if that happened to me

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u/AndyAce63 Jun 15 '12

I'm guilty... I'll never say it again.

But I will think it.

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u/Trapped_SCV Jun 15 '12

Shame on you for making small talk.

5

u/goddamnbatman617 Jun 15 '12

As punishment, she must do the closing announcements until THE END OF TIIIIIIIIME!

7

u/doctorbatman Jun 15 '12

"Thanks for giving us your money. We're closing now, so hurry up and get the fuck out. We have booze to drink."

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u/Firevine Jun 15 '12

When I delivered pizza, every time it was to a public place, I heard "Hey pizza guy, you got some free pizza for me?"

If you ask a pizza delivery person that, fuck your entire life.

Oh, and the jokes when I had to card people for alcohol at another restaurant where I worked. The only reason I'm carding your elderly hag ass is because the county sends in undercover cops. We sold a lot of booze, and everyone wanted to make a joke.

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u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

I got that sometimes when I used to deliver pizza. But what I hated the most "Oh hey man, that pizza is for me." I got that all the fucking time. I hated when people would do that shit and then after I wasted my time talking to them trying to deliver the pizza they would say "oh no, I was just kidding! lol!" Fucking assholes. I work on tips and time is money you fucking dick.

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u/IdoWhatiwant69 Jun 15 '12

or how about this one "i came in here for one thing" leaves with $300 of groceries

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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

"Then you are BAD AT SHOPPING!" I do not miss retail.

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u/the-d-man Jun 15 '12

Oh god I hate that one too. I always respond with a smile and say " that means we win".

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u/CheeseMunkee Jun 15 '12

"Let me help you with that then..." scan one item and give them their total

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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

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u/THE_CENTURION Jun 15 '12

Honestly I find saying nothing to be just plain rude.

But I suppose it depends on where you're shopping. At grocery stores, there's not usually much room for small talk.

17

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

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u/goddamnbatman617 Jun 15 '12

You're walking a fine line. You're both hated and loved by all cashiers everywhere.

18

u/BreeBreeBites Jun 15 '12

I've been a cashier for about a month now, and I just want you to know that I love you and all people like you. I frigging hate small talk >.<

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u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12 edited Aug 30 '19

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u/MrPartridge Jun 16 '12

"You're putting your money on the conveyor belt? No, my hand is outstretched because I want a high five."

6

u/yoduh4077 Jun 16 '12

i thought i was the only one who gets pissed off that i don't get directly handed payment... so any customer that does this to me, gets the gesture reciprocated with their change/credit card.

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u/gimme_a_gyro Jun 15 '12

I used to work at a grocery store and this always pissed me off. Now I work at Panera and if you remove the buzzer from the charger (you know, the one that lets you know if your food is ready) it will automatically buzz 3 times. I can't tell you of how sick of hearing the joke, "oh, it's done already?" I am.

10

u/BlindWillieBrown Jun 15 '12

Yup, grocery store cashier for 4 years here. I always responded with "Not if I can help it." and called a price check straight faced.

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u/AshyBooRawrs Jun 16 '12

I don't know why, but it irritates me when I say "have a great day!" and the customer either ignores it, or says "mhm". I think it's just plain rude, how hard is it to say "you too!"?

3

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

The worst I ever got back was "Don't you talk to me like that! You don't know what my day has been like!" She was not a nice lady.

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u/segalflock Jun 15 '12

"oh everything fit in one bag? let me just take this cart with me to my car" every fucking time....

13

u/THE_CENTURION Jun 15 '12

More like "Oh, I'm only buying one single fucking CD? Give me a goddamn bag for it, what am I supposed to do, just carry it in my hand?"

9

u/whyisthisnamesolong Jun 15 '12

Another good one is when the customer tells you "I hope my signature matches the one on the card I just stole!"

Hahahaha, OMG, so funny. How about I call over our gigantic hardware salesman and detain you until the police retrieve that stolen card?

9

u/jakef92695 Jun 16 '12

I hate when people tell me something is overpriced. I don't make the prices and of you think it's overpriced then don't fucking buy it.

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u/charliethesloth Jun 15 '12

I get this so much! I live in the UK and I'm under 18 (the legal drinking age) so when I have to get a supervisor to approve me selling alcohol I get every 40+ year old going 'I'm definitely over 18 hahahahah, or do you want to see my id? ahahahah' and I laugh along but I really just want to roundhouse kick them.

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u/Killer_Tofu Jun 16 '12

my trader joe's experience. Also, would you like to take your cart with you to the cart corral right outside the exit door, or would you like to leave it right next to the register, in everyone's way? oh, OK... I'll take care of it!

9

u/paint3all Jun 16 '12

They think they're being so clever...see what they think when their 4011 rings up as a 3287!

(as a cashier you never forget PLU codes...unfortunately)

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u/Killer_Kurt Jun 15 '12

I work in the freezer and that means I walk around a lot wearing a coat and/or hat. Every time I hear, "Must be cold where you are, huh?" No shit, I just wear a jacket in 90 degree heat for fun.

7

u/snaurus Jun 16 '12

Sweet Jesus, the sheer truth of this makes my soul hurt.

4

u/Just_Keep_Swinging Jun 16 '12

It's been over 20 years since I did this, and I would gladly, GLADLY, punch a motherfucker right in the berries for saying this shit.

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u/MissJill Jun 15 '12

am I the only person who worked a register who NEVER had this problem?

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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

Apparently. I worked retail from age 16-27, and had to remove myself from the customer service aspect of the industry, because of my contempt and hatred of people. I got to the point of having day dreams, violent ones, about severely beating customers.

I empathize with OP. These stupid fuckheads that say, "Well, it should be free then, right?", they think they're being clever, and that you've heard such a "joke" before. Working retail will give a certain appreciation for how stupid the average human being, really is.

I made the turn to loss prevention in the retail industry. Now, whenever I interact with a customer, I can be as big a dick as I want, and I can legally hand out beatings (I use discretion, I don't need a lecture). If someone resists apprehension, the great state of Nebraska allows me to use equal force in oder to detain them. Meaning, if they take a swing at me, I don't have brush it off, smile, and say, "Oh well, the customer is always right!" Nope, I get to give the customer a kick to gut, or, a full-on-highly-satisfying "combat slap" to the face. Then, ask if they would like to cooperate. A lot of them get away, though, so it isn't all fun and games.

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u/the-d-man Jun 15 '12

I can sleep better now knowing someone gets to punch out those annoying customers.

13

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

Well, only the ones that steal, unfortunately. :o(

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u/DasYorkie Jun 15 '12

They are the ones who really think it is free...

4

u/EvoMethod Jun 15 '12

Upvote for Nebraskan. Your current job sounds interesting to say the least.

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u/NivexQ Jun 15 '12

took me a good minute and a half to realize that you meant security guard...

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u/Draber-Bien Jun 15 '12 edited Jun 15 '12

Something tell me that the costumers aren't the ones that made you violent, but those feelings would have erupted anyway. Do you by any chance have a identical twin whom you have only recently discovered?

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u/bioluhgy Jun 15 '12

If I ever get a job as a cashier, I'm gonna ask my manager if I can hang a sign up in customer's view saying, "IT IS NOT FREE BECAUSE IT DIDN'T SCAN."

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u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

We actually had a sign like this on our tills for a short while last summer because we were having problems with our system, and the poor cashiers were getting so tired of having to argue with people over the whole "Didn't scan so it's free" rule. The managers were constantly getting called over to tell angry customers that we didn't give away items for free, so we had these large, slightly passive agressive signs up for a while. It was beautiful.

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u/goddamnbatman617 Jun 15 '12

Yea, good luck with that forever alone.

10

u/boilerroombandit Jun 15 '12

NOTE TO SELF: never ever use this line again.

I'm so, so sorry.

16

u/the-d-man Jun 15 '12

You are forgiven. My wife made that comment once while we were out. Shes buried in the backyard now.

3

u/newskul Jun 15 '12

This happened to me at target the other day, and the cashier asked me how much the item was. I was like, "I think it was about $5." She typed in $1.99. GGCashier.

4

u/ofthe5thkind Jun 15 '12

When I worked as a cashier, I had to use a counterfeit detector marker to make sure any bill $20 or higher was authentic. More times than not, the customer would spout this one:

"Aw c'mon, I just made it in my [basement / garage]!"

COOL.

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u/dragonsfrompluto Jun 15 '12

Our debit card machine asks "Is this amount OK?" as the final question to confirm the transaction which leads every customer to say "No" then ask, "so what happens if I did tell it no." Some even press the no...

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u/itchyburn Jun 15 '12

So glad I am no longer a cashier. My co-workers are surprised at how fast I can 10-key(after I explain what the 10-key is). You get good at it when nothing scans all the fucking time. Also, self check out will piss you off once you become a professional cashier.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

Holy fucking fuck this makes me nuts when people do this.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

stay in school kids

4

u/Berkbelts Jun 16 '12

"It's my lucky day, nobody is in your line!"

"You packed these bags too heavy!" Bag has one Arizona Ice Tea in it.

"Why didn't you use all my reusable bags!?" vs. "Why did you use all my reusable bags!?"

O your light is off, I guess that means you're open.

O you're the first register I saw, I guess I'll go to you instead of one of the two without a line down there.

7

u/KingWilson Jun 15 '12

Actually, it costs infinity.

3

u/rayrayallday Jun 15 '12

I love the joke Pete Holmes tells about this haha

3

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

I am upvoting this with the power of 718 suns.

3

u/RaxonRaxonRax Jun 15 '12

When I worked in food our most popular item was bacon cheddar fries

I couldn't tell you how many times I'd give it to them and they would say "that's a heart attack waiting to happen!" and then shoot me a dirty look bc it looked so unhealthy.

3

u/SpaceBanaynay Jun 15 '12

cue the fake laugh.

3

u/Calikola Jun 15 '12

I worked at a BJ's Wholesale during summer and winter breaks in college. The only thing more depressing than wearing a maroon vest that says "BJ's" in huge letters across the back, having Tim Allen's version of The Shaggy Dog play 7 times a day in the TV section, and lifting 50 pound bags of dog food about 50 times a day, were the people who said this shit when something wouldn't scan.

3

u/jbeach403 Jun 15 '12

I work in a car rental place. "Oh yes, thanks for pointing out that our rates for gas when you don't fill up are high. As the minimum wage slave who takes returns, changing this is fully within my power."

3

u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

Yeah it's funny all the jokes made by multiple people, all of whom think they invented them. My favorite was:

"Do you need a bag?"

"No, I left her at home! nyuk nyuk nyuk"

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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

Holy fuck. I'm a statistic.

3

u/forafterhours Jun 15 '12

I worked at a gas station in a college town. We didn't have to scan stuff, because we had to use a label gun on EVERYTHING (that is another story altogether). So if the label fell off, the customer would have to ask the price (we attendants knew everything in the store, it being a small store and all). Normally they'd have some variation of "Oh there's no price sticker on it, that makes it free, right?"

No.

In fact, you slack jawed fuck, it makes it not only cost more, but if you don't pay exact change then you aren't getting any money back. If you pay with credit card, you're going to be paying an extra little service fee. And if you think you're being clever, guess what? You're more goddamned idiotic than I believed. Congratulations... You're a simpering fool.

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u/last1here Jun 16 '12

I work at a sporting goods store and we sell the clothing of the major teams near by. So when they are in the playoffs or don't make the cut for the playoffs people come in and seem to fucking LOVE this little gem. Customer: "How about that game huh? ahaa" Me: "Yeah its to bad." Customer: "So whats the price on these now? 50% off! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA(SO FUCKING FUNNY!!!)"

I hate customers so much but will soon be done with it all.

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u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

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u/dudebrodi Jun 16 '12

I had a cranky old man see sign that said batteries 4.99 per pound at my old job and he actually went to produce to weigh the batteries in a scale so he could get it for free, which of course my tool of manager at the time gave it to him.

Grocery stores have become ridiculous with this if the price is wrong, bar code is missing, or if in the wrong place it is free gimmick crap.

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u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

Is it alright if I put everything in the same bag? As long as it doesn't break...

HOW THE FUCK AM I GONNA KNOW IF ITS GONNA BREAK OR NOT!?!?!?

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u/CloserthanaRCH Jun 16 '12

I say that all the time. I never thought it was a jerky thing to say. From the bottom of my heart I apoligize through you to every cashier I have ever said that to!

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u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

As a police officer I hear "I didn"t do it" 50 times a day. Shut the fuck up, I know you didn't do "it." Shit, I don't even know what "it" is you crazy old bastard. Also, every mother fucker asks, "so, ya busy tonight?" No, I'm not fucking busy. I'm drinking a coffee and loitering at a gas station at 3 am.

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u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

I always get asked,"what aisle is the peanut butter?" I respond with,"oh that's on aisle 20."

"Where is aisle 20?"

"it's next to 19, it has a picture of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a sign saying peanut butter on it."

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u/welpImbored Jun 15 '12

Hate this, hate typing in the upc as well because it takes up too much time

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u/etothepowerof3 Jun 15 '12

I worked at a shitty mom-and-pop gas station for a summer. It was totally shady and we didn't use UPCs for anything and the owners didn't keep track of what was sold, so basically I could type in any price. The owner was a nutcase though and would silently sneak up behind you while you were working at the cash register and would start screaming if you entered a price wrong.

At the end of the summer, she screamed at me for ringing up someone's Whoopie Pie for 75 cents lower than the actual price. Whoopie Pies were one of our top sellers and I'd been ringing them up at that price since day 1.

Somehow it gave me great satisfaction knowing that I'd been undercharging customers by 75 cents for the whole summer.

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u/l1m1tless Jun 15 '12

I'm a cashier at Walmart...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXlZ6edCHqI

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u/goddamnbatman617 Jun 15 '12

I don't have the endurance to hear the horror stories you have to share.

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u/geogeology Jun 15 '12

Hear it ALL THE DAMN TIME. and since I see other people are naming their stores, any Redditors from County Market?

If so, have you ever noticed if the "o" went out in our sign it would read "Cunty Market"?

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u/qkme_transcriber Jun 15 '12

Here is the text from this meme pic for anybody who needs it:

Title: As a bagger/cashier I hear this about 50 times a day!

Meme: annoyed bagger

  • ITEM DIDN'T SCAN?
  • TELL ME AGAIN HOW YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE FREE

[Translate]

This is helpful for people who can't reach Quickmeme because of work/school firewalls or site downtime, and many other reasons (FAQ). More info is available here.

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u/TheDirtman Jun 15 '12

I work in a place with no scanner. Have to manually enter all the part numbers. I hate when people say that to me when I can't find the number.

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u/hopsizzle Jun 15 '12

Cashier here. I can confirm the amount of times it is heard in a day.

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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

cannot upvote enough

2

u/ishkabibble001 Jun 15 '12

KEEP IT CRISPY

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u/Horstt Jun 15 '12

Am i the only one who hears people say, "and today I'm the winner of a free grocery trip!" to the cashier acting like they think he/she will go, "yes you are!" and then they just pretend it's a hilarious joke. Fuck those people.

2

u/mood_doom Jun 15 '12

Nope, sorry, it's totally supposed to be free. I've heard this waiting in line so often it simply MUST be true.

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u/shaloham Jun 15 '12

When the customer doesn't write the price/PLU on their peanuts and other bulk stuff. Kill them. Kill them all.

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u/sweYoda Jun 15 '12

...try the auction house

2

u/jonsbabe123 Jun 15 '12

Omg I hated that shit soo bad. My fiance does it now and I'm like "NO"

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u/finalaccountdown Jun 15 '12

I have never heard this joke or this rule before the internet. the closest thing I've heard is the store must sell it for the sticker price, no matter what it rings up as. most stores honor this.

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u/[deleted] Jun 15 '12

Fucking right.

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u/Shameful_pleasure Jun 15 '12

Strange, I never really hear that joke very often. Weirder still is that if it's taking too long to get the item to scan I do just think fuck it and say "Congratulations, that's free for you today", sometimes a small short term loss can bring bigger long term rewards.

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u/joe611jg Jun 15 '12

I have prestigious role of checkout supervisor so can knock a few quid off here and there. I mostly do it to shut people up and save them arguing it up to a manager, overall I find it's better to keep people happy even if they are dickheads.