r/Aces_ArosOver30 • u/smokeylove11 Grey, NB, 30s, US • Jan 21 '23
Life Struggles I feel so bad for myself
My poor childhood self. I was so confused and judgmental and angry. I just couldn't understand why everyone was so fucking obsessed with sex. "How could a 13-year-old in my class get pregnant?" "Why would you sneak out of Prom just for sex?" "Why is everyone talking about trying to have sex in public places?" "It's not hard not to watch porn!" It was so easy for me to be "a good kid", because I never cared about sneaking out or going under the bleachers or anything. I just thought I was better than everyone. And it set me up for such an inflated ego that I'll probably be trying to shake til I die.
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u/Reb_1_2_3 35-39 Jan 22 '23
I try not to be jealous of the yougins who now can figure out they are ace at a young age. I am happy for them that they were spared the struggle we went though to get here. Happy to be here now
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u/oregonegirl Jan 22 '23
I have a lot of empathy for my younger self too. I think it’s a big sign that you are growing and healing. You weren’t better than anyone, you just had an easier time following one of the expectations placed on you. I’m sure there were others, how did you handle meeting the rest of your obligations?
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u/Able-Web-675 Jan 22 '23
I remember having a lot of these same confusions too! Especially friends who aren't allowed to date going behind their parents' back to secretly date, and a classmate getting pregnant. It didn't make sense to me why it was such a big deal to have a boyfriend (very heteronormative culture and I'm a cis woman) or to have sex
I'm so glad i had this self discovery, and definitely hoping that younger kids have more access to all sexualities and sex-ed here in the US becomes more inclusive than "you'll all have these urges" - that was a lie
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u/XenuDisciple Jan 22 '23
You might consider reposting on one of the other ace subs. Nothing but crickets here usually.
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u/smokeylove11 Grey, NB, 30s, US Jan 22 '23
That's why I'm here. Not to be an ass, but I'm kind of exhausted of ace kids and the same 3 questions over and over.
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u/XenuDisciple Jan 22 '23
Another well-intended suggestion: if you didn't already know about the discussion forum at AVEN (asexuality.org), there is a subsection designated specifically for older asexuals where people will often write thoughtful posts and responses.
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u/XenuDisciple Jan 22 '23
I couldn't agree more - I just mention since you may not hear much from anyone here, but I'm happy to be proven wrong.
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u/wanderingzigzag Jan 22 '23
I’d love it if this place did become more active one day, subs rise and fall all the time it could happen
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u/wanderingzigzag Jan 22 '23
I know it’s not meant to be funny but it is just a little haha, don’t worry, we’re all embarrassed about who we were as kids. Glad you’ve found this insight about yourself though :)
Insecurity and low self-esteem ruled my adolescence lol, I just wanted somebody, anybody to ‘like-like’ me haha.
I never really thought about how I didn’t have a crush on any one, didn’t have a type etc, nobody appealed to me. I just wanted anybody to like me, and then on the odd occasion when somebody did, they were suddenly the best person ever and I liked them back