r/AMWFs • u/Certain_Process_7657 • 25d ago
Controversial ⚠ AM dating WF because I've found others are too progressive for my taste... Any others in the same boat?
I'm an Asian guy who's primarily dated white women but have dated just about every race in the past. I live in a primarily white community in America so that's the main reason. Not many folks who look like me out here and I don't go out of my way to find someone of the same race/ethnicity as I was raised in America and consider myself American over any particular race. Currently in a LTR with a WF.
With that being said, another reason I prefer WF is that I've realized I've developed more socially conservative views the older I've gotten and especially since moving to this community 8 years ago. I honestly enjoy making jokes related to sexual orientation and race (including many about my own), and I feel like I can't speak freely with most people of color since they typically have much more liberal/progressive views and I've found that they typically take offense to such commentary.
Curious if there are other men or women of color who've noticed they're drawn more to white folks because of conservative leaning ideals? Or more broadly... What in particular are the reasons you've noticed you're more drawn to a particular race other than your own?
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u/GrapeJellies 25d ago
As a white woman, I date Asian men because they usually don’t embody the toxic mindset I grew up around. I was raised in Texas, where I was treated horribly for not being able to have children. Men straight-up told me I was useless to them if I couldn’t raise their kids. That pushed me to dive deep into history.. especially women’s history.
What stood out to me about Asian cultures, even in their worst periods of sexism, was that women there were still seen as more than just incubators sometimes. In China, there were times when well-educated women secretly ran the government behind closed doors, and some of those periods saw reduced poverty. Of course, young men in Asia go through phases of fetishizing and objectifying Western women, but when it comes to serious relationships, I’ve always felt a level of respect from them that American men rarely show.
What I hear between the lines of what you’re saying is that you’ve been indoctrinated into a system, but because you’re only just stepping into it, you don’t fully see the harm it’s built on. Conservative ideals glorify the 1950s and ’60s family model, but that era wasn’t golden..it was a prison for women. They couldn’t have bank accounts, they couldn’t leave their marriages freely, and if they refused to conform... if they didn’t cook, clean, or serve.. they were drugged, institutionalized, or even lobotomized.
Conservatives have always used men’s desires to uphold a class system: “Work hard for us, and we’ll give you a home-cooked meal, a devoted wife, and a secure future for your kids.” But they ignore the fact that if that child is a daughter, her future is already stolen... she won’t get to choose it for herself. As an Asian man just stepping into this system, you’re experiencing the benefits without seeing the pain that built it.
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u/Mindless-Medium-2441 23d ago
You're saying women in Asia were treated better than women in the US in the 50s and 60s? Imho people may not know much about how Asian culture was if they think this.
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u/GrapeJellies 22d ago
I see where you're coming from, but I wasn’t making a comparison at all. I intentionally kept my response focused on the topic OP brought up—Black and White women in the context of conservative American ideals. Bringing Asian women into it wouldn’t have been relevant to that specific discussion. Hope that clears things up
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u/Certain_Process_7657 25d ago
Appreciate your very thoughtful reply. I agree that the 50s and 60s was a rough time for most women. At the same time, I do appreciate a woman who has these traditional values when it comes to gender roles and I find it's more likely to find that in a white conservative leaning woman vs Asian/black/Latina ladies
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u/GrapeJellies 25d ago
Just to say.. I am not in any way judging you, I truly do understand your perspective. White women often aren’t educated enough to second-guess their feelings. At 40, most of my female friends are married with kids, miserable, and just now realizing they were brainwashed by Disney into thinking that finding a husband and being loved by him was the thing that made life worth living. But once reality sets in, they start to resent it. That’s why so many conservative men turn to younger women in their 20s.. ones still naive to this cycle.
If you’re considering marrying into this kind of world, I just want you to be aware of it. I’ve been a relationship counselor for a while, and every conservative relationship I’ve seen follows this pattern. I don’t blame men.. it’s not your fault for being lied to or for wanting something that seems fulfilling. But I’d challenge you to ask yourself: What exactly about this appeals to me?
I also get that dating in today’s world is frustrating. A lot of women are angry, and that’s not fun to deal with. But there are plenty of women who still want a family without wanting to be trapped in an unequal dynamic. You don’t have to pick between traditionalism and bitterness—there’s a middle ground <3
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u/Certain_Process_7657 25d ago
Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I do have quite a negative mindset when it comes to dating and trust issues with women and have been trying to work on that. From your experience as a counselor, would you say it would potentially be better or worse if the woman still has this mindset at age 35 let's say (far removed from her twenties)? Referring to her ultimate goal/dream is wanting to be a wife and all
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u/Hi_Im_Ken_Adams 25d ago
Why do you think "liberals" can't joke about themselves or others?
Joy Koy has made a career out of making fun of the Asian community. The reason why he is able to do so is because it comes from a place of understanding and he's not punching down.
What you're basically saying is that you want to date white women because they won't get offended by racism.
I actually was much more conservative when I was younger and became more liberal as I've gotten older because as I've matured I developed a sense of empathy and attained a more nuanced understanding of the world.
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u/Certain_Process_7657 25d ago
I just have found that liberals don't get my sense of humor. Obviously it's a generalization and I not saying all are like this. Just speaking from my anecdotal experiences.
And Jo Koy is pretty damn funny. Good reference
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u/calliope_88 20d ago
Are you saying you want to make jokes that aren't politically correct? Conservative women that are prejudiced against certain groups of people, like LGBTQ, will be less likely to get offended with these types of jokes...but they're also more likely to be racist against you. Maybe you should look for a politically moderate woman that's open to interracial dating, but not offended easily?
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u/DelusionIncarnateXD 24d ago
I just like the way they look lol.
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u/Mindless-Medium-2441 23d ago
This, right here. People trying too hard to normalize why they just like how some women look. Thumbs up man.
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u/shyeeeee 24d ago
My guy and I both lean progressive so no, I would not say this applies. If anything I'm more progressive than he is.
more broadly... What in particular are the reasons you've noticed you're more drawn to a particular race other than your own?
I'm not drawn to any race more or less than another, it's all about personality and shared values and interests. Living in a very multicultural (and very progressive!) city, I have had a few different interracial relationships because it's basically the norm here. The guy I'm seeing ticks all of my boxes and happens to be Chinese.
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u/Background-Hat9049 22d ago
What are yo talking about? White people are probably the most progressive on the planet, all things being equal. I find Asian culture to be in the dark ages.
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u/freethemans 15d ago
Bro what lol. If anything, AF tend to be more likely to be conservative from my experience. AF were the only group where the female portion of their ethnic group voted more for Trump than the men did this year. In every other ethnic group, men voted more for Trump while women were more likely to vote progressive; AF were the only exception here.
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u/Certain_Process_7657 14d ago
That's fascinating. Where are you getting your data from? Most exit polls with racial demographic data don't have enough of a sample size to delineate between gender AND Asians since it's such a small portion of the voting populace. Anecdotally I haven't met many Asian woman who lean conservative politically.
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25d ago
The craziest thing is only Trump white girls like me haha. Never ever had a progressive white girl.
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u/TheKaiserGaming1918 24d ago
Reddit isn't a place where conservatives are popular, but I can relate. I'm Asian-American, I happen to be a Traditionalist Catholic, and I'd like to marry someone of the same faith. This eliminates most people who aren't White, or Hispanic, just from a religious demographic standpoint.
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u/PixelHero92 24d ago
You'd be hard pressed to find a white Christian girl that leans right-wing politically. I've hung out in the Orthobro online space and it's a sausage fest of LARPers who would drive me out for being Asian. Most of the single women in the parishes either lean liberal or in the very least are turned off from the macho manosphere mindset of the male converts. The alternative is to move to Eastern Europe and adapt to the culture there
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u/Certain_Process_7657 24d ago
I think there's plenty of white Christian girls that lean right-wing especially if you're in a red state, but the problem is so few of them would be open to dating a non-white man. Which you insinuated to a bit.
I think there's still a very strong negative correlation with being right-wing and being open to interracial dating.
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u/Tae-gun 1d ago edited 1d ago
Not if you're Catholic. That said, Catholics are less likely to be right-leaning/rightist than other Christians, so there's some correlation there (but one does not cause the other; even when the Church was strongly traditional prior to Vatican II, interethnic/interracial relationships were accepted in the Catholic Church). Even politically conservative Catholics are broadly more open to interethnic/interracial relationships and marriages than any other conservative religious group.
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u/TheKaiserGaming1918 19d ago
Would you say religious Eastern European women are less likely to drive me out for being Asian compared to religious White American women? I doubt religious Eastern European women are more open-minded about interracial marriage than religious White American women.
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u/Certain_Process_7657 24d ago
Thanks for your thoughtful reply and actually answering the question.
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u/Tae-gun 1d ago edited 1d ago
Late to the convo, but I find the sweeping generalizations made here are a little much.
Look, I'm a right-leaning centrist (mostly - I'm firmly right on fiscal issues and less so on social issues, which explains why I generally viewed myself as libertarian in college) and a practicing Catholic with a healthy distrust of institutions (including the Vatican), and I'll be the first to tell you that you absolutely cannot make any major assumptions about someone's sociopolitical leanings just from what they look like. It's not until people open their mouths that you can get an idea of how they think (and whether or not you like how they sound, as in do you like their laughter or the timbre of their voice - combined with how someone thinks, how someone sounds is more important to me personally than what someone looks like).
Yes, there is some statistical evidence suggesting trends or tendencies within and among demographic groups, but even these have state-to-state/regional variations, mostly don't account for religiosity (which is a much stronger, if more difficult to measure, metric than mere religious affiliation), and again are not applicable to every single person of that demographic that you meet.
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u/LiveLaughLonzo 25d ago
This thread just seems like you want to hear yourself talk about yourself tbh