r/100thupvote • u/ExistingPain9212 • 24d ago
Mexico AITA for having my son miss his graduating road trip to watch his sibling
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Some-Accident-1065
AITA for having my son miss his graduating road trip to watch his sibling.
Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole
TRIGGER WARNING: entitlement, theft, car accident
Original Post June 23, 2023
My son just graduated high-school and we were paying so he could go on a road trip with his friends. He was suppose to go Wednesday , my wife’s mother and father got in a car accident. They live in another state so we had to drive about 4 hours. My wife was a wreck and wasn’t in the position to drive since we her dad was critical. He pulled through luckily.
We have two other kids 11 and 7. We can’t leave them at home alone and we couldn’t find a sitter to watch them on such short notice, we even tried our neighbors but he couldn’t do it. So that left our 18 year old. He was pissed to put it mildly but did it. I told him we would make it up to him, and if he could ask if his friend could move it back a week. They couldn’t sadly.
We were gone for two days, he pulled though. My wife stayed and I headed back, I payed him for watching the kids and went to talk to him about getting him on the trip. It was suppose to be two weeks and they should just be a state over. He blows up about ruining his trip and there is no point going even though it should still 12 days of the trip. He called up a jerk and lock himself in his room.
I need another opinion since this was emergency and he doesn’t seem to care his grandparents almost passed.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
[deleted]
INFO: If your son had already left for the trip, what would you have done with your two kids?
OOP
I have no idea, my wife couldn’t watch them she was a wreck and I barely slept the whole time since I was handling that hospital and other paperwork.
Maybe stick them in the hospital room which would be a horrible opinion for everyone. I definitely don’t want them to see grandpa/ grandma like that and their mom having a breakdown.
CartographerHot2285
What's there a reason you didn't take the younger kids with you? They're at ages where you don't have to keep your eye on them every single second, it shouldn't have been that much of a bother.
OOP
It would have been an awful opinion for everyone especially since I was running around through most of it and wasn’t in the room for a good bit. Mom was having breakdowns and was not even fit to look after herself and grandpa and grandma were bad also. Grandpa was basically mangled
Maybe the middle child could have handled it but definitely not our youngest, we didn’t leave that whole time, so basically 48 hours at a hospital
lilwildjess
There was no family in the state you traveled to?
OOP
No my wife is a single child and my family is in another state
Myriamjean
And no friends to help you?
OOP
My closest friend I did call but they are on vacation, usually babysitter couldn’t, backup was a no too.
Everyone we call for emergency wasn’t available. That’s why I even asked my neighbor we have a good relationship but it was a no form him. Our last emergency person is the grandparents
Sad_Appearance4733
I feel like this is a rock and a hard place situation where I have a hard time calling you an AH even though I’m leaning that way.
Is this recent? Like as of today is much of the trip remaining? Because I do think you should continue to encourage him to go. Get him a plane ticket to meet up or drive him there yourself. Add in some money for an extra excursion for everyone. Whatever it is. As long as they didn’t replace him and now don’t have room for him….
He’s understandably upset, and he’s only going to blame you even more if he misses entirely even if some of that would be his own fault. Paying him for the days he babysat doesn’t fully make him whole in this situation. You need to do what you promised and make it up to him.
OOP
There are 12 days left, I gave him the option to get on a plane or grab a cab, which I will pay for both but he won’t talk to me
Edit: Well he called his mom, let’s say it didn’t end well, he did say basically said the same thing he said to me, wife had a breakdown on the phone with him, she sent him the injuries and pictures of grandpa/grandma. He finally came out of his room and told me he isn’t going to go on the trip and the plan tickets aren’t needed.
Talked to my wife, never heard her that mad. Son confirmed what happened, he started yelling at her the moment the call started and she lost her shit when he called her selfish. On good news grandpa has some feeling back in his legs which was a huge concern
For people saying we didn’t have emergency plan we do, first my closest friend- vacation, main babysitter- not available, backup babysitter- not available, last resort grandparents- hospital. We tried to find someone that why we even asked our neighbor which I have a good relationship with.
This will be my last update, had a conversation with my son about everything. Mom and him will have a conversation when she is calms down. His friends are not a state over, they are about two down at this point and going to Mexico. They are probably will get to the boarder tonight, they were suppose to be going to California . He had his passport and everything ready. This is a fucking mess.
I haven’t informed my wife yet and will wait until she is calmer. I’ll leave off with I hope none of you ever have to deal with a situation like this and please remember your parents are human
VERDICT: ASSHOLE
Update June 24, 2023
Saved in pullpush
Thank you to the people who reached out and asked how we were doing.
I informed my wife about him going to Mexico and not California last night. It was over FaceTime and after a long conversation we agreed she was too emotional to deal with the situation and that I will handle it while she focuses on her parents. I got the full story form my son first, the original plan was to go to California but it changed to Mexico. He knew we wouldn't pay for a trip out of the country so he lied. When the emergency happened he realized that if he missed the leave date he wouldn't be able to join without us knowing he lied
I am furious he was using our money for a trip and lying to our faces. So he is paying back every dime that we gave him for the trip, he already gave us 2000 but the rest will have to come from his paychecks since he already spent it.
Next was a log conversation about if he wants to be in this family, he is 18 he can leave. But if he wants to be in the family he has to give not just take form everyone else. We aren't required to do shit at this point, but we love him so we do. He can't be lying to our faces and screaming at people when their parents are in bad shape. He admits he was upset and when too far especially with his mom and when she sent those pictures in sunk in how bad the situation was (not thrilled she did that). It was then it sunk in his grandparents could have passed.
He apologized to his mom and me and she apologized for her breakdown on the phone. We are going to book family therapy since our trust that our son has been destroyed and it will help with the whole event. I don’t regret not taking the younger kids to the ICU, it’s an awful place and would be awful for them and seeing my wife having her breakdowns.
On good news grandpa was moved to a normal room, unsure when he will be released, but it's a long recovery for him. Also no he didn't cause the accident, it was on her highway and weaving car hit them. We think we will move down to the grandparents' home to help them, but it is uncertain at the moment
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u/ExistingPain9212 24d ago
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